Policies....help or frustration

"Mommy, are you going to send in cupcakes for my class too?" inquired 6 year old Tori.

"No, baby. You're school won't let me send in homemade cupcakes like this for your whole class, but I will send you a cupcake just for you in your lunchbox." I informed her as head began to drop because I had said no. You see, she only wants to be like her classmates whose parents send in cupcakes for parties or for birthdays.

As a mom of two children with food allergies I get attempts by schools to protect children from unknown allergens that could be in homemade goodies. Afterall, that makes the most sense right?

Sadly, and frustratingly, policies such as these only highlight the problem and make my children feel that much different from their peers. You see all those prepackaged items contain all those allergens the policy is "protecting" my child from. Bakery cakes will definitely contain eggs and milk (and yes, probably traces of peanuts). Little Debbie snack cakes all have egg (if there is one that doesn't, then I would love to know which one). Pre-made Rice Krispie treats contain milk. Prepackaged donuts contain eggs. Marshmallows are made with corn syrup. The list could go on and on. So in the end unless the parent knows of any special food items being had ahead of time, the food allergic child gets excluded. If it is known and the parent can send in a comparable item, the child is still different because the food items in front of them are not the same.

You say that shouldn't be a problem. I agree to an extent. There are many things my babies have learned that many of your children haven't yet....it's okay to be different, food isn't the center of the world, sometimes you have to sit out/not be part of certain activities for safety reasons, how to read food labels, and sadly, they've learned how to paint on a smile while inside they are crying. Crying because even though they are mostly okay with being different, it is still part of human nature to want to just blend in, be part of the crowd every once in a while.

Although I know it would cause a major outcry, and yes, even end up on the news in the society we currently live in. Chances are it would also put my children in danger of being further excluded. I would much prefer to see a policy excluding any foods from being brought in. You want to "party" or celebrate holidays....do it WITHOUT food. Plain and simple. Party favors seem to be extremely popular, bring those in for all students in the class instead of a cupcake. Holiday celebrations...make some crafts.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE making special food items for my children and I will continue to do so for as long as I need to.

What I don't love is having to disappoint my child because sometimes it gets overwhelming to be different. There are so many things they've had to be mature about at such an early age, that I don't blame them for every once in a while expressing their disappointment with a head hung low and a quiet "okay".