Halloween

Food. It's the center of so many of our social activities, yet for us, food is a problem. I admit, I've been dreading Halloween this year. I didn't always feel this way though.

So far I've had some marvelous characters "enter" my life each Halloween. I've had Tigger, Batman, Spiderman, 2 ballerinas, Darth Vader, Optimus Prime, a pirate, Rapunzel/Tangled, Minnie Mouse, a storm trooper, a Marine, and a Hello Kitty Barbie Mermaid Fairy. This year will include some repeats with a slight change. There will be a cute young pirate, a beautiful witch, and a zombie Marine, but the enthusiasm and gusto for this day is just not here.

The first year with Halloween we did not know of Bradley's problems. He enjoyed visiting friends and the mall as Tigger.

The following year was the first year with candy as our brave little Batman went Trick-o-Treating for the first time ever. Love the faces as he enjoys some mini M&Ms. If only we knew just how bad these are for him. 

A year later and we have a ballerina and Spiderman. Little did we know this Halloween would be the last one where the most we had to do with the candy was inspect it to make sure it hadn't been tampered with. We knew to be cautious of products with milk and by this time egg, but I don't recall taking away all the chocolate. 

Welcome to Halloween 2009 where we are joined by a pirate and Optimus Prime. Candy was closely inspected because we knew at this time that Tori has a peanut allergy and we knew for sure about foods that were unsafe for Bradley thanks to MUSC. 

And so our Halloweens became a time to remove all candy that posed a threat and began our trading out so the kids would still get to enjoy normal kid things. We were able to let this be our routine for the next couple of Halloween's. 

After this particular Halloween, we were introduced to something called Eosinophilic Esophagitis. At this time and for a couple of years, we managed living with this disease, but had to make the decision to add on one more MUSC doctor since the doctor here was not listening to us about Bradley's problems. 

2012....If only we could see into the future. This was the year we added a ballerina back into our mix, I had a handsome Marine to protect me, and my sweet Tori Belle had such a unique idea for a costume, I had to design and make it myself. For now, this is the last Halloween my sweet baby boy was able to have a decent selection of Halloween candy. Now I know there are people out there who frown on Halloween and on candy, but anything in moderation is fine. I promise, I still have candy in our bucket that needs to be thrown out from last year. 

And now we arrive at 2013. The Halloween I dread most, but that Bradley insists he will be okay. By now, Bradley has gone through 3 endoscopies and 2 colonoscopies. The most recent indicating that he has not been getting better, but instead much worse. This year, the only safe Halloween treats will most likely be what his grandparents and parents give him. Just to show how ready he is, he shared with me this evening his thoughts. "Mommy, I know what would be great. It would be great if I had a way to sell my Halloween candy I get from Trick-o-Treating and then I could use that money to be something safe for me to eat." So even though we did not shop for any costumes, we are going to go through the motions of visiting neighbors, saying Trick-or-Treat (while praying they don't add in smell my feet), and then determining what is safe. And sadly, Bradley may have to settle for being a Marine one more time because I'm really not sure how well his skin will handle make-up to turn him into a Zombie Marine. 

I of course have a back up plan and spooky Halloween Jell-o jigglers are setting as I type and will find some Fun Dip and sugar free Ringpops. But I pray for the strength to watch as he realizes Tori will have candy she can keep while he has to settle for such a limited selection. Even though he knows this happens with every day snacks and eating, Halloween is only once a year. He keeps such a positive attitude and outlook on life that I know he will be okay. He has faith like no other child I've known. So here's to yet another adjustment in our lives and praying that this time next year he will still be able to have at least the few items that are safe for him right now. 

Educate Yourself...Take a Close Look at ALL Sides

I don't have a lot of followers, and probably will offend those who read this, but I am just so fed up with the recent hullabaloo around Common Core Standards. I don't know all there is to know, but I do know enough and probably more than many who are simply listening to one perspective from a talk show host or radio personality. I also do not profess to know all state regs for how standards are determined or for that matter all there is to know about Common Core State Standards, but I wish the general public and legislators would use some common sense and learn before assuming and attacking. Whether implementing Common Core standards or state standards there are some basics to them all. 

First, states rewrite standards on a fairly regular basis and get this....just like Common Core, the state developed standards are NOT assessed and tested prior to implementation.

Second,could someone please tell me why it is acceptable for all states to create their own standards and their own assessments, but then as a nation compare each state against each other. In this comparison, there are states with tough standards who are ranked high for those, but then they show up as a low ranking state when comparing test scores or vice versa...low ranking standards and able to claim many students meet the expectations of demonstrating proficiency. We are a transient nation. Are we doing a service to students by having drastically different standards in each state? I get that kids learn differently and that kids have different needs.....that is a classroom issue to be addressed. See below about the difference between curriculum and standards.

Third, has anyone who is complaining about the two assessments really looked at the available samples? I promise they are not a huge secret like some claim...GOOGLE it along with the standards. And while you pull them, how about take the time to read your current state standards and COMPARE the two for yourself. You just might be surprised.

Fourth, there is a lot of talk about the push for more informational text. Again, read the standards and appendices. YES there is more informational text, but the classics are also ADDED back in for those states who no longer emphasize them. Moving on to writing, let us think about real life. How often do you use creative writing in your job? Hence the need to make sure we have creative as well as informative and persuasive writing. To top it off common core focuses on getting students to be able to justify their thinking with evidence. Doesn't this sound more like what you do in life....you need to be able to justify choices you make. You can't live your entire life placing enny meeny miney moe between choice A, B, C, and D.

Another thing I have read deals with cost to implement. Guess what....states have a textbook adoption cycle every few years for each subject. For example your state may adopt reading text this year, math text next year, science text the following, then social studies, etc. Then the cycle starts over again. Small states...with our current reality, are forced to adopt whatever the large states like because the publishing companies selected by the large states are able to keep the cost lower for the small states to afford. With 50 different sets of standards for each subject that leaves a high risk for states to already have materials that do not meet the current state standards. If states have the same basic standards, then it levels the publishing company playing field and in the long run is most likely more cost effective because states and school districts are not having to purchase additional supplemental materials. For example, adopting a science textbook that gathers dust on a shelf because the only material that meets the state standards is the supplemental book. And the argument about training teachers costing....HELLO training takes place with each new textbook adoption and with each new standards adoption regardless of whether it is state or common core.

Sadly the common core is getting linked to being a federal thing because a few politicians have decided to link it to federal initiatives....stimulus money anyone?. Just wondering, where was all these complaints about federal involvement when it came to No Child Left Behind or before that the Elementary and Secondary Education Act 1965 from which No Child Left Behind morphed out of? Do you really think it is reasonable to expect 100 % of students at any given grade to perform at proficient and higher by 2014, especially when states get to determine what proficiency looks like. State A lowers their standards and proficiency levels to appease the government, state B keeps their proficiency level high because they truly care about not giving a false picture about a child's ability. The higher level of standard state will continue to get punished even though their kids would probably out perform the students from the other state because of the rigor in place.  Granted the original ESEA 65 states the support for state rights in making educational decisions and forbids a national curriculum, you have to understand we cannot continue to compare apples to oranges to bananas. AND you must understand that curriculum is NOT the same as standards. The standards are simply the destination we must reach, the curriculum is how we will get there. No different than a few people agreeing that they will make it the beach for vacation and one decides to drive fast on the highway, the other takes the scenic route, and still another decides to take a plane. Or better yet, where are the complaints about the state's who sought and received the ESEA waiver (No Child Left Behind is no longer....it is back to ESEA)? Again, something federal....part of which involves states agreeing to develop a plan that the FEDERAL government agrees with to: evaluate teachers, rates schools by letter grades vs. whether they met or did not meet adequate yearly progress, and has stirred up the pot around the idea of performance pay. These same people crying No No No...common standards are wrong, they are indoctrinating our children, etc., I just wonder are they also crying No No No....it's wrong to have performance pay, we can't judge all teachers because of their scores since some teach in poorer schools or have a higher special education population, etc.. I doubt it. So please drop the whole federal vs. state thing unless you are going to bring in ALL the factors to consider. As for indoctrination and determining a child's career early in life....WAKE UP...middle schools and high schools around here started having parents and students determine a "major" at least 7 years ago, if not longer....CCSS first draft was shared in Sept. 2009 (only 4 years ago). Before that, like when I was in school, students were tracked for either tech. prep or college prep. Students fates were being decided then too....based on PRIOR ACADEMIC PERFORMANCE as well. 

Also, the 100% proficiency is not possible as long as we have kids with a learning disability. Yes, they can learn, but some student's have a disability and they are performing the absolute best they can cognitively and even can show dramatic growth on other types of assessments, but still not meet proficiency of the state exam. Also, the assessments currently in use remain designed to produce a bell curve. I am sorry, but everyone cannot be average and above. No matter where the proficiency level is there will continue to be those students at the bottom, those in the middle, and those at the top. 

In addition, states have the choice to add more of their own state written standards to the Common Core standards to make them their own. I have yet to see anyone arguing against the CCSS to bring out that point.

Getting off my soap box for now, but before I do let me say: Do you really know the current reality of the students around you? Our nation has become one that focuses on avoiding the truth, spoon feeding, sugar coating, and dumbing down. Now that there is a push to start holding students accountable for a higher level of learning, the critics are pouring out of the wood-works to try to put a stop. I hate to tell you this, but WAKE up! Common Core didn't just arrive on doorsteps yesterday, they have been in the works for years, with feedback being sought for years. A similar process that states use when creating the standards they currently have.

Sincerely, 

A Republican Educator Who Wants What's Best for Kids

LET US TEACH! Stop with all the mandates that have us drowning in paperwork!

"Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see"

There's always something about those healing words to help remind us all of His amazing grace. But have you ever thought about the words beyond the song.

While reading John 9, the introduction really spoke to me.

John 9
Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind
1 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.


How often as a parent or even a grandparent have we watched our children suffer a pain that is beyond our control and just wanted to take it away for them? How often have we blamed ourselves or wondered what sin we have committed that God is punishing us through our children? How often have we begged for God to just punish us instead?

While my faith has remained strong these past few years with the trials and tribulations of watching my children suffer and I have leaned and allowed myself to be cradled in His arms, I couldn't help but sometimes wonder if their suffering was my fault.

But I am reminded in John 9 that sometimes it isn't to "punish" us, but instead so that we may become stronger and so that the person who suffers may be used for the greater good of His will. I really believe that God has a greater plan and my children are a part of that plan.

In a conference with Bradley's teacher, she shared that she felt so bad for his respiratory and allergy issues she sees in class, but that she is just amazed at his positive attitude about everything. For all his sufferings he had a chance to become such an angry little boy, but he embraces life and is such an amazing and loving little boy. He has no fear of sharing his stories of Jesus and God and the times he has spent with them. I pray he continues to share his experiences with others.

For those of you who have suffered, are suffering, or feel the trials and tribulations of a loved one who suffers, know that God has his reasons and that he is with you.

Come Like Little Children

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3)

In one of my first blog posts I prayed for us to become like children for as the scripture says, until we become like little children, we will not enter the kingdom of Heaven.

This can be taken in many ways. One of which to say that we must realize that God is our Father and we should become obedient to Him. The other is just what the scripture says...become like a little child.

As I am reading Heaven is for Real, I am reminded of just how much a child believes in what some of us as adults fail to see. It is actually quite chilling to read of the words Colton shares with his parents over time. Chilling because I too have heard such similar words from my own Bradley. You see both Colton and Bradley have left their parents speechless and hearts filled with wonder and awe and even a little longing to be so carefree and open with our sharing of the ways we have seen God work in our lives.

With Colton (and I haven't finished the book yet, so I don't know all he has to say), he stops his dad, who is a pastor by the way, in his tracks through statements such as knowing that he should be nice to others and share because Jesus told him to. Hmmm....sounds so much like what Bradley has told me before, "Jesus told me to help by folding my own clothes." "Jesus taught me how to fold them."

While I don't know all of Colton's story, I do know Bradley's. For those who haven't read my first few posts, please take the time to go back to them. You see Bradley from a young age has spoken of the places he has seen Jesus. Right down to describing where Jesus sits in the car. Of course now Bradley doesn't speak of seeing Him out as much, but the reasoning "Well mommy, I have Jesus and God in my heart." He's even described to me how he felt brand new/different after he asked them to be in his heart. And no, this did not come about from my talking about this or even from church. This was an out of the blue announcement one night while Bradley was getting ready to take a shower.

So why is it so hard for us as adults to see Jesus around us? Could it be we have let the world and our temporary home come in the way? Was there a magical age when we no longer saw Him around? When did we stop seeing Him for ourselves? Did He come to us when we were little just as He has come to Bradley and to Colton? What can we do to find the child within and believe as children do?

I can only speak for myself and often I feel "odd" because people expect me to let out my frustrations and to get angry because of the medical challenges we have had to fight and continue to fight and learn to live with, but I don't. I do get a little frustrated at times, afterall who doesn't want their children to live a healthy normal life? But do I get angry with God, sorry, but the answer is no. Do I question Him. Sure, from time to time. But what gets me through is my faith that with Him all things are possible and as Romans 8:28 states "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose".

That verse was shared with me when I was 16 and life was bringing about more change for me. As much as it hurts to have to deal with the pain that I cannot take away from my children, I truly believe God has a purpose for their lives and they must endure their present to become who He wants them to be.

So as you look around you, pay special attention to children. It's amazing to view anything from their point of view because their senses are tuned in to the things that we so often forget to notice or that we take for granted. Stare up in awe at the stars, delight in the rain, embrace the sun. Take in your surroundings. Above all go to God as a little child. Open your hearts so that you too may see through the eyes of a child. Believe and profess without hesitation.

God Smacked Me Upside the Head...or Something Like That

In the chaos of children and adults swarming around to get to their seats. Above all the noise of the music, I felt as if someone had smacked me upside the head. My head turned without having to search for why because my eyes landed on a little boy in the crowd. My thoughts immediately turned to Teddy Stallard's story.

You see two years ago an unruly, full of anger and an I don't care attitude little boy entered my life unexpectedly at Vacation Bible School. At the time he was all of three years old. But the determined person I am....and the one who much prefers to have the hard to reach students because for some reason I feel God granted me with a gift to love these people, I was determined that S.C. was going to listen and he was going to have a good time and he was going to feel loved...if only for a few short hours.

Recently S.C. entered my life again although he did not know it. You see, on Tuesday mornings I would stand out at the car rider line in the wee hours of the morning to let students out. At first I wasn't sure, but after a few weeks and some double checking, I knew for sure this was the same S.C. from VBS 2009.

As chance would have it, on Monday evening as I picked up our nametags, something made me turn around. Right behind me was S.C. and grandma who was filling out the registration form. A little part of me hoped he would be in my group (some people probably think I am a glutton for punishment). I immediately asked S.C. if he had been in Ms. S's class this past year. Grandma looked at me to which I explained how I knew...I worked at the school.

I went on about my business of getting my own kids something to drink and settled in not thinking much of it. When we headed to find a place at a table, I saw the green lanyard hanging from his neck. S.C. was going to be in my group!?.

I could feel the thoughts of those in the room. Some of indifference, not knowing the reputation of this child and others filled with "Oh no! He's back!" Let me remind everyone right now of John 8:7 "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." While this in no way implies that any child or grandchild is the same as or worse than S.C., just remember that there are plenty of children all around us who may need some help in the behavior department, so think of the behavior of your own before you start criticizing the behavior of another.

Now back to S.C., while he has gotten better over the past 2 years, I quickly learned that S.C. remains full of hate and inappropriate behavior. It's is disheartening to see such fury behind eyes of a five year old. But I knew that with constant high expectations and letting him know that I was there and that I cared we would make the few hours we had together some good hours.

As the hours and days went on, I cannot think of too many in my mixed age group who did not have a complaint about S.C. and even a few adults around commented to me about their concern with his rudeness and anger when he would be dropped off by himself when the doors opened. But you know what? On that last night of VBS, I cannot recall the students in my group saying one negative thing about S.C. There was also a remarked difference behind those cold eyes that over the past few days one had to really search to find the slightest hint of a child and of hope behind. You see that last night, there was radiance (though not the whole night) behind those deep chocolate brown eyes.

That's why God smacked me upside the head during the closing ceremonies. S.C. needs someone in his life like Miss Thompson was there for Teddy Stallard. When I looked up and saw S.C. I could only think of Teddy. I do not know what will become of S.C. and maybe our paths will cross again next year.

For those of you who do not know Teddy's story, grab some tissues and listen.

New Doors Opened

We raced excitedly across the parking lot.

"Is this it, mommy?" he asked.

"Yes, baby. We are here."

As we approached the first set of doors, Bradley drew in his breath. His entire 3 feet 2 inches was just a little taller. His face shown brightly and his eyes lit up like fireworks. And then we entered....

The musty smell of aging books mixed with the new smell of books filled with crisp pages and fresh ink enveloped us.

"Wow!" Bradley exclaimed. "This is the library."

"Yes baby, this is the library. See all those books in there. Let's keep going, we're not quite inside yet," I told him as we walked through the second set of doors.

"Where are my books?"

"Hold on just a minute. Let's go get you a library card first. Come over this way."

We made our way to the circulation desk. As the lady behind the counter finished what she was working on, she looked up and asked how she could help us. "We're here to get him," I pointed to Bradley, "a library card."

As she set to work entering his data, Bradley watched intently. Then came the red plastic card along with a permanent black marker. "Here you go, sign your card."

"B... is that a B mommy?" Bradley asked after attempting to write the first letter in his name. It was a little difficult because he was stretching just a bit to see the top of the counter.

"Yes, you know how to write your name."

Together we adjusted his grip and he finished signing his card which he didn't want to let go. Anyone around would have been able to check their reflection in his grin it was so big and bright.

We made our way downstairs. Me excited to watch my little boy take in his first libary experience. I was so proud of him, when we walked by the videos, he asked what was down there. I explained and he told me, "No, I want to get my books."

Anyone who knows Bradley knows he is an avid reader. He probably has between 100-200 books in his room. Partly because he goes to my classroom and "borrows" books that absolutely have to visit his preschool class, and then magically disappear into his room. Needless to say, I was afraid we would be in for a long visit as he debated which books to check out. Oh no, not today. Because as Bradley has told me over and over, "We have to bring these books back." I guess that makes it easier to make a quick decision. He was determined: I want dinosaur books and transformer books.

Within less 5 minutes however, Bradley was proudly carrying a search and find book: Mean Machines and a book on Airplanes.

"You can get one more book. Do you want an informational book or fiction, a story book?" I asked.

"No mommy, you can get a book. I have 2." he told me.

"That's sweet and thank you, but you can get another book. I have my own card and I have lots of books I'm reading at home right now." I said.

"Oh, okay. But will you come back and get some books for you?" Bradley quizzed, genuinely concerned that I was not getting a book today.

"Yes, just not today. Today is your day!"

So we went about finding one more book. That's when we found it, Danny and the Dinosaur by Sid Hoff. A book he "read/watched" on bookflix last week.

Off we went back to the circulation desk. Bradley stretched to put his books on the counter, then stretched again to put his shiny new red card up there as well.

We then bounced out of the library with a whole new world opened up and waiting for our return.

The Decorations Were Strewn All Over the Floor

It was quiet. Too quiet. What were they up to?

As I put down the pajama top and went to open the door I found it locked.

"You better open the door. NOW!" I yelled.

"Come in!" giggled a little boy.

"You better unlock the door and I mean NOW!"

I heard some rummaging and finally a click. The door opened and I found Bradley's beaming face staring up at me. Tori was in the middle of the room pulling diapers out of a bag she had found.

"Welcome to our party Mommy. See look we decorated," Bradley said as he swept his hands around to indicate the decorating he was referring to.

"See I did that part," he explained as he pointed to the floor. In front of the book shelf, the baskets of books had not only been taken off the shelf, they were out of the baskets, covering the floor like a new carpet.

"And see over there. That's where Tori decorated." Bradley proceeded to point to the kitchen set. Sure enough, the decorations of plastic bread, lettuce, donuts, and any number of other plastic food along with play plates, cups, and utensils blanketed the other half of the room.

One more reason to why parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world. How do you get mad and upset for such a creative description of the room that I perceived to be a mess? The laughter in my head was hard to contain, but I managed.

As always, daddy had perfect timing for getting home. The kids rushed to him and I went back to the laundry. Some of Tori's decorations still adorn the floor, but the books managed to find their way back into baskets....even if they were put in there haphazardly.