Broken

When I started the post below on March 13, it was supposed to be about broken items and finding uses or ways to fix them, not giving up, somehow it turned into something else. A message someone needs to hear? I don't know, but the words are now written and my original intent is lost. Guess not having my writer's notebook all the time can sometimes lead to the unplanned writing below. I pray that if this was written because someone out there needs to read it that they either read my blog already or because they found it somehow through Divine intervention.

Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

What does it meant to be broken? Is it beyond repair? Can it no longer be of use?

As we sat in a back pew at church a few weeks ago I heard Bradley saying, "Mommy, look it's broken."

"What's broken?"

"My crayon," and Bradley held up the crayon.

The tip of it had been broken off.

So many times we look at things and declare them broken, but it's not this label that distinguishes it from everything else. It is what we decide to do about it. It's our actions that determine what it truly means to be broken. I chose to show Bradley the crayon could still be used, we just needed to peel back the paper.

Can you think of other instances in your life when you've declared something broken or felt broken? Have you ever cried out to God asking, "Why?" Have you ever had those days when you think it may be an okay day, but then you get one piece of bad news, followed by another, and it feels as if you can't go any further? What do you decide to do?

Whether the broken item is something concrete, tangible or whether it is a feeling; it is up to you to decide. As the scripture verse at the beginning of this post says, God is with the brokenhearted. Even if you feel as if you are broken, God still loves you, he still cares.

As I've written in the past, sometimes you have to fall in order to become stronger. The same is true for being broken. So you make the choice, do you give up on life just because a few things go wrong and you feel as if you will never have the strength to go on? Or do you give in, hit rock bottom, then fight to survive and pick up the pieces so you become stronger? Can you pick up all those pieces without God?

Lord, please help us all to find you through our struggles. Help us to find the belief in our self and to find the strength that you know we possess. Amen.

Broken by Lindsey Haun

Wake up to a sunny day,
Not a cloud up in the sky
Then it starts to rain.
My defenses hit the ground,
and they shatter all around
So open and exposed
But I find strength in the struggle
Face to face with my trouble

Chorus: When you're broken,
in a million little pieces
And you're trying,
but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in yourself
When you're broken.
Little girl don't be so blue
I know what you're going through
Don't let it beat you up.
Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are
Only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching
There is beauty in the breaking
Yeah

(Repeat chorus)

Better days are you gonna find you once again
Everything will find its place
When you're broken,
when you're broken

(Repeat chorus)

Oh when you're broken
When you're broken
When you're broken

The Stripper

The closer we got to Charleston, the more my toes began to wiggle. "Ahhhh....the beach is so close, but will we have time?" was all I could think about other than Bradley and finding the answers. It didn't matter because I would make the time. Even if it meant getting back a little late. You simply cannot get this close to a beach and not dig your toes in the sand.

As we left the dermatologists office, we started the lunch discussion. Mark and his desire for Melvins and my philosophy that just like having to go to the beach, you've gotta enjoy some good seafood. I decided that maybe we should get seafood for lunch because of lunch menu prices (big laugh there) and do Melvin's for dinner.

Since we had 3 hours to kill we decided to double check to see if Sullivan's was open....it wasn't, so we went over to Isle of Palms and ate at Coconut Joes. While dining on the porch looking out over the ocean I could feel all the stress from the past months just melt away. God knew what he was doing by guiding us to eat with such a view.

To make things even better, we still had enough time to walk down to the beach. While mom changed into sandals and Mark double checked our parking time, I headed with Bradley down to the beach. As my toes sank into the warm sand whatever was left of stress was gone. I was energized and could barely contain my excitement as Bradley discarded his blanket (he had been keeping it because his hands hurt), kicked off his own shoes and let me roll up his pant legs.

Given the previous years of Bradley screaming once in the water, I thought I'd give it a go to get him to run after me or at least step into the water. As we chased each other being dinosaurs and monsters the uninhibited laughter of a three year old boy rang over the wind. The best part: it wasn't another 3 year old, it was Bradley. My Bradley. It had been so long since he had run, laughed, giggled, and carried on like any three year old should be able to do. It was as if all the pain he'd been feeling had disappeared. Ah...the power of the beach.

I could see Mark and my mom getting closer and Bradley and I kept up with our frolicking. Next thing I know he's complaining because his pants were wet. And then it happened....

he STRIPPED!

As I laughed at the sight, I convinced him to put his underwear back on. By this time daddy was in the picture and helped out. I went to put his pants with our other belongings and share the story with my mom (Nana). As we got to where Bradley and Mark were, I started back chasing Bradley.

Next thing I know, my scared to death don't put me anywhere near the water are you kidding me mom this is cold and knocks me down son was wading further into the ocean. Uh oh, would one of us have to go in after him?

I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when he came running back.

That day Bradley had a chance to have a normal three year old moment and for that I thank God. It was the best ten minutes in a long time. Lord, I pray you continue to keep Bradley's spirits high and provide him with many more opportunities to be a youthful, innocent, carefree child.

And the results are in....

Today was THE day.....our trip to MUSC for Bradley. I know the following will be pretty cut and dry information, but it's been a long day and we're having to face saying good bye to a family member (Meadow, our cat) because of information we found out.

First we saw the dermatologist, he's replacing 2 of Bradley's allergy meds with just one. He also prescribed new topical meds... and praise the LORD there is a medicine for his butt and genitals!!!! Bradley will also begin Narrow Band UVB light therapy. He will have to go 2-3 times a week.

And now for the alergist...
She retested many of the foods that were tested back in August just to make sure of results. As she listened to us she took down a list of foods Bradley eats almost daily and did tests for those as well (apple, potato, chicken, chocolate (the chocolate was because of our suspicions that he may be allergic). He still tests positive for egg and the protein in milk (casein), but now chicken.

He was also tested for other environmental allergens as well. Thankfully he's not allergic to cedar which his play set is made out of. He is allergic to the following trees though: White Ash, Red/River Birch, and Virginia Live Oak. For grasses he showed no signs...guess that explains why when I'm miserable he's not (he had no reaction to ragweed).

He showed a slight allergic reaction to house dust and the upsetting part: cats. Mark got Meadow while we were dating, before we were even engaged so Meadow was his first baby and has been with him for 6 years. Bradley doesn't understand because he just looked at me and said, "But I like her."

One good thing...he's not allergic to penicillium mix which Mark is allergic to.


Please continue to pray as we once again adjust our diets and lifestyles and especially for the treatment Bradley will start. Also pray for Tori Brooke. I took her to the doctor Monday for her itching. We've known she has some allergies, like peanut, and some eczema tendencies, but her feet and hands have really been bothering her. She is being referred to allergist and dermatologist to get started earlier than we did with Bradley. She does have an infection, impetigo, and she probably has dyshidrotic eczema. Of course she has to be different from Bradley...so she'll probably be allergic to dogs.

For anyone that will be caring for either Bradley or Tori they will have to be trained on EpiPen procedures...signs for when to use, how to use, and what to do.

I have a cute beach story to post later because afterall you can't drive all the way to Charleston and not have seafood and walk on the beach (even if only for 5 minutes).

Bouncing off the Walls

There are so many cute stories I want to share, but I've got one final paper due in a couple of hours and need to finish typing and proofing it. Before I do, I had to share our dinner conversation:

I was having Taco Bell and Bradley joined me and I don't just mean he came into the room or that he sat by me, but he was sitting on my lap taking my food and drink. Since he'd been bouncing off the walls all day, I decided I better hold the cup of Pepsi...yes, it says Pepsi, Dr. Pepper wasn't on sale anywhere I went for a price I would pay ($2 for a 2 liter, $4.50 for 12 cans...no thanks!). Of course Mr. Independent, don't do anything for me complains:

"No, mommy, move your hand."

To which I reply, "I'm holding it because you've been bouncing off the walls today and I don't want Pepsi all over the floor."

"I'm sorry. I won't spill it. See?" as he proceeds to carefully lean over and drink out of the straw.

A few minutes later I grab the cup to get a drink myself and we start over again with, "Mommy you don't need to hold it."

"I'm getting a drink right now."

"But mommy," and then the soft pitiful voice with the large puppy dog eyes, "I said I'm sorry for bouncing off the walls."

Ah, what's not to love about this absolutely cute, sweet, caring, most fabulous little boy. It's no wonder people have a hard time telling him no.