As a mom of two children with multiple food allergies and one child without those allergies, you begin to realize just how much our society revolves around food. Birthday party...food. Class earned a reward for good behavior...food. Holiday....food. Anniversary...food. Get together....food. It is actually very difficult to think of events that don't revolve or include some sort of food.
As a mom of these same children, you want them to feel as much a part of society and the family as any other person so you do what you have to do. You Google recipes, use Pinterest to save your favorites under each child's name because of course they can't have the same allergies, you learn what makes the best substitute for eggs in pancakes and in cakes (trust me, applesauce for the pancakes, flax meal for the cakes), and you try your best to keep up with all the special "treats" that will be given at functions or at school.
But you also learn that you can't kill yourself to make an entire batch of cupcakes just for one cupcake so your child can maybe fit in just in case another child's parent send cupcakes to school for a birthday. You soon teach your children about getting the special foods on really special occasions such as planned for whole class/whole school parties or special parties they are specifically invited to. You teach them how to have fun Trick-0-Treating and then trade out the unsafe candy for safe candy because when you picked up some candy to give out you bought an extra bag of trade out candy just for your kids.
Mealtimes equal no option but to include your children's dietary needs because they really do have a medical problem with food....they are not just picky eaters. Trust me, I made that mistake for an entire year. Bradley is most definitely not a picky eater. His body really did cause him to gag on foods and spit it out/throw it up. But we didn't know that for a year because we thought he was being a "picky eater" with the foods we thought were safe. Who knew you could actually be allergic to chicken, beef, and pork? So yes, once we learned of his disease, we started listening to him more when he started to refuse certain foods. Sure enough, the next allergist visit, those same foods he threw a fit about, he ended up testing positive to for an allergy to that food. So meals are definitely a family affair and saying you have to eat something because I said so didn't always work.
Of course meal times and other food focused gatherings are more than just a family affair. Sometimes, they are a societal affair. You see, as a mom, you learn to find foods that are safe for eating out and you learn how to bring what is needed to restaurants while putting on your suit of armor ready for battle if any worker gives you a hard time for bringing in food from the outside. But what others outside the family don't know is that you still enjoy being invited out because you know how to take care of your family needs. Sure it is a little harder when your tube fed child knows exactly what he is missing out on, but it is still fun to go out. So don't stop asking.
Of course, we've been blessed by parents and grandparents of Bradley's friends so these societal outings are a little easier and even make me cry at times. These are parents who ask for a list of his safe foods so they can have some on hand at a party and then get me to double check the items. They are also the same parents who still include Bradley in on their outings and learn how to feed Bradley through his tube so he can be a normal little boy taking on the world with his friends.
We haven't entered this stage in life for Tori just yet.
But back to the family affair, eating is still a family affair even with a tube fed child. With Bradley he has to be fed about every three hours, much like you would feed a new born so schedules do somewhat revolve around this schedule. And it is so much a family affair at our house that even at 2 years old our youngest daughter learned how to feed her brother. For her, it is only normal for brother to eat through a tube. Check her out in the video below.
Just because your child has some special needs doesn't mean you quit including them. As a matter of fact, it may just bring you closer together.
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