"I don't know. What?" I replied as we prepared for the nightly ritual of medicines, shower, and more medicines.
"Love. All you need when you are in Heaven is love. You can have things that look like pizza or chicken or whatever, but it all is really just love."
WOW!! This part of the conversation last night was powerful and deep and well, simply profound.
As surgery time draws closer, I can't help but think of God's timing. As it draws closer, I am amazed at the increase in sharing of his dreams that Bradley is doing. Dreams that I know make him so excited about Heaven and his relationship with our Lord and Savior.
While the past 7 years have been a struggle at times as we learn more and more about Bradley's health issues (we didn't really have much his first year of life, just a little eczema and one hospital stay due to breathing), I have to say that God's timing is perfect.
It is difficult from day to day as a mom knowing that your son is hurting and also trying to find that fine line between absolute pain and the pain that magnifies itself because you are tired of being in class so you seek out mom since you're in the same school. It's hard to really fully understand that your child can really, truly be bouncing down the hall one moment, complaining of dizziness and tiredness the next, and then acting as if all is right with the world a little while later. AND IT'S NOT AN ACT! If it is hard for a parent to understand, just imagine trying to understand when you don't live with it on a daily basis.
Since the start of this school year, I have watched Bradley's health decline and that's part of my push to find out what else could be wrong and what else could we do. Since the meeting with the doctors I have watched as my baby boy becomes more exhausted each day, the skin around his eyes gets a little darker, and his pains hurt all the more. I've watched as he chooses to just drink his elemental formula instead of eat food. I can't help but think of God's timing in all this. How quick things have taken place to get Bradley to a point where we will hopefully see his body finally start to heal. While we have a long road ahead of us, I truly believe that soon my baby boy will be a totally new person.
Right now we take each day one at a time, each moment one at a time. You see with his eosinophilic esophagitis he suffers often from reflux, nausea, stomach pain, fatigue, and pain. Couple that with his vitamin D deficiency which also add to his muscle weakness and bone pain. So we have to take it one day at a time.
Today we took it moment by moment, including him eating his lunch quick so he could come and take a nap until his lunch time was over. A nap that just a few short months ago I may have wished for on the weekend, but now hate that he is making choices that mean he has to miss out. But he knows his body and if he is giving up recess or time to talk with friends at lunch, there isn't a doubt in my mind that his little body just needs to rest for a little while. Hopefully in the months to come he won't have to do this as often.
So tonight, I celebrate the fact that my Bradley Boo still found time to share about God as we went through our nightly routine. I celebrate that he knows and trusts with all his being in the power of God and he finds rest in him. As Exodus 33:14 tells us "The Lord replied, My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." May we all be like children and trust God just as Moses did when He promised to be with us and to give us rest. It is certainly tempting to try to hang on to things when we should just trust and let go and let God. Only when we do this can we truly be at rest.
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