Vows and Rose Ceremony

On July 4, 2004 in the sweltering heat, Mark and I said our vows to each other at Station 18 1/2 on the beach at Sullivan's Island. Below are the vows we exchanged and the Rose Ceremony afterwards. Yes, it's long, but hey, I was going to make the moment last and get my money's worth:-)

  

INTRODUCTION           

We have gathered here today to hear __Mark______ and ____Brandi___ as they promise to face the future together, accepting whatever may lie ahead.  For the world that God has created for them, with its beauty and grace that is all around with the strength that it offers and the peace that it brings, makes them truly grateful.

Would you bow with me as we ask the Lord’s blessing on our time together today?

PRAYER

Our Father in heaven, Creator, Savior and Designer of marriage, we turn to you this evening,  asking that you be glorified by what takes place.  That this ceremony would honor you, and reflect the seriousness of the vows to be spoken.  Might this service be a reminder to us who have spoken similar vows to our spouses in the past. Might it be instructive to those yet considering such a commitment in their future.  Might this ceremony be a fitting beginning for __Mark______  and ____Brandi___  as they commit themselves before their family to pursue life together.  We ask it in Jesus’ name, Amen.

             

__Mark_____ and ____Brandi___, nothing is easier than saying words and nothing harder than living them day after day.  What you promise today must be renewed and redecided tomorrow.  At the end of this ceremony legally you will be husband and wife, but you still must decide each day that stretches out before you, that you want to be married. 

Real love is something beyond the warmth and glow, the excitement and romance of being deeply in love, It is caring as much about the welfare and happiness in each other; it is looking outward in the same direction---together.  Love makes burdens lighter, because you divide them. It makes joys stronger because you share them. It makes you stronger so you can reach out and become involved with life in ways you dared not risk alone. 

GIVING AWAY OF THE BRIDE

Who is giving this woman to be joined to this man in holy matrimony?

FOB: Her mother and I

(Bride’s parents) _Robert____ and _Donna_____, are you willing, now and always, to support and strengthen this marriage, by upholding both _Mark___ and _Brandi_____, with your love, your concern, your counsel, and your prayers?

PARENTS: We are.

(Groom’s parents) _Jimmy____ and _Debbie_____, are you willing, now and always, to support and strengthen this marriage, by upholding both __Mark__ and _Brandi_____, with your love, your concern, your counsel, and your prayers?

PARENTS: We are.

 

As you take these vows, _Mark______ and __Brandi____, I would have you remember: To love is to enter a whole new world, a world of togetherness, a world of sharing….All that is dearest and deepest within your hearts.

To love is to remember and keep alive forever all those unique qualities that drew you to one another in the beginning…Those first halting phrases…the thrill of discovery…That wonderful feeling of oneness when your eyes met.

To love is to constantly search for new ways to bring each other to happiness, to make the most of every moment you share together, and marvel at how your feelings for one another keep rising to new dimensions.

To love is to create an oasis of tranquility for one another and a quiet place, apart from others, where you need not pretend…where you can be yourselves…And know within your hearts, you will be accepted by one another. To love is to greet each day with anticipation …Always eager for another opportunity to share new adventures… And gather up new memories TOGETHER!

To love is to follow the rainbow through the rain, to be able to laugh at yourselves and be willing to say…” I was wrong, I’m sorry”… To forgive, and more importantly, to FORGET, and to always believe and trust in one another.

To love is to watch with wonder all the miracles of creation, to find beauty in all the simple things of life, and to find, within ourselves, a deeper appreciation and a new awareness of how wonderful it is to be alive…To be happy…To be… TOGETHER.

To love is to come together from the pathways of our past and then move forward…Hand in hand, along the uncharted roads of our future, ready to risk, to dream, and to dare…And always believe that all things are possible with faith and love.

WEDDING VOWS ( Please join you right hands)

_Mark_______, in taking this woman whom you hold by the right hand to be your lawful and wedded wife, I require you to promise to love and cherish her, to honor and sustain her, in sickness and in health, in poverty as in wealth, in bad that may darken your days, in the good that may lighten your ways, and to be true to her in all things until death alone shall part you. Do you so promise?

G: I do

_Brandi_______, taking this man whom you hold by the right hand to be your lawful and wedded husband, I require you to promise to love and cherish him, to honor and sustain him, in sickness and in health, in poverty as in wealth, in bad that may darken your days, in the good that may lighten your ways, and to be true to him in all things until death alone shall part you. Do you so promise?

B: I do.

CHALLENGE:

This I challenge you: That you love each other with an encompassing spectrum of love…That there be expressions of love in words and actions as well as in comforting silence…That there be interest in nuturing concern for each other’s happiness and well being… That your love be broad enough to accept the family and friends of each other and that they accept your love…That you be mindful of each other’s needs with honest effort of fulfillment...to TALK when the other needs to hear…to LISTEN when the other needs to be heard…to TOUCH when the other needs touching…to HOLD when the other needs to be held.  To understand solitude when the other needs to be alone. And that you may make living space of each other’s humanness, with both its strengths and frailties…That you have tenderness in your strength and yet find strength in tenderness itself…That you open yourselves to the Divine Love which has woven the tapestry of your union, and that you honor the Infinite Weaver with FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE, of these three, knowing that the greatest of these is LOVE. Will you accept this challenge?

B/G: I do

EXCHANGE OF THE RINGS:

Traditionally, the marking of the passage to status of husband and wife is marked by the exchange of rings.  These rings are a symbol of the unbroken circle of love.  Love freely given has no beginning and no end, no giver and no receiver for each is the giver and each is the receiver.  May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken…that your love, devotion, and commitment to one another are to be unending.

_Mark_______, would you place the ring you have chosen for _Brandi____ on the third finger of her left hand and repeat after me? Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal.  Just as it is made of incorruptible substance, my commitment to you will never fail.  As a pledge and in token of the vows we have made, with this ring I thee wed.

_Brandi_______, would you place the ring you have chosen for _Mark____ on the third finger of his left hand and repeat after me? Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal.  Just as it is made of incorruptible substance, my commitment to you will never fail.  As a pledge and in token of the vows we have made, with this ring I thee wed.

We will close with an Apache Blessing:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for each other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

__Mark_______ and __Brandi_______, remember to treat both yourself and each other

with RESPECT, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together.

Give the highest priority to the TENDERNESS, GENTLENESS, AND KINDNESS that your connection deserves.  When frustration, difficulty or fear assail your relationship- as they threatened all relationships at one time or another- remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part that seems wrong.

In this way you can ride out the times when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives- remembering, that even if you lose sight of if for a moment, the sun is still there.

And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your lives together, your life together will be marked by abundance and delight.

_Mark___ and  __Brandi___ in as much as you have consented together in this ceremony to live in Holy Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, the joining of your hands and the giving of these rings, I now declare you husband and wife. As I do this, let me remind you that henceforth you are one; one in interest, one in reputation and above all else one in affection.

I ask you and all your dear ones to bow your heads in reverence. Silently pray that God will bless the home of _Mark___ and __Brandi___ and that they each, and together, may achieve their highest hopes.

(After short pause)

What God HATH JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN PART ASUNDER.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you.  May the Lord lift up his countenance unto you, and give you peace. Amen.

You may kiss the bride. It is my pleasure to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. _Cade_____. Before parting _Mark_____ and _Brandi_________  request your presence in the exchanging of their first gifts to each other as husband and wife.

ROSE CEREMONY

   

The Rose Ceremony is simple yet profoundly moving.  The bride and groom exchange two red roses, symbolizing the giving and receiving of their love for each other throughout their entire married life.  The Rose Ceremony also conveys how to use the rose and its symbolism in difficult times in order to forgive each other.

"Your gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect; and a public showing of your commitment to each other.

You now have what remains the most honorable title which may exist between a man and a woman - the title of "husband" and "wife." For your first gift as husband and wife, that gift will be a single rose.

In the past, the rose was considered a symbol of love and a single rose always meant only one thing - it meant the words "I love you." So it is appropriate that for your first gift - as husband and wife - that gift would be a single rose.

Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife. In some ways it seems like you have not done anything at all. Just a moment ago you were holding one small rose - and now you are holding one small rose. In some ways, a marriage ceremony is like this. In some ways, tomorrow is going to seem no different than yesterday. But in fact today, just now, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember - the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of marriage.

_Mark__ and ___Brandi____ I would ask that where ever you make your home in the future - whether it be a large and elegant home - or a small and graceful one - that you both pick one very special location for roses; so that on each anniversary of this truly wonderful occasion you both may take a rose to that spot both as a recommitment to your marriage - and a recommitment that THIS will be a marriage based upon love. 

In every marriage there are times where it is difficult to find the right words. It is easiest to hurt who we most love. It is easiest to be most hurt by who we most love. It might be difficult sometimes to words to say "I am sorry" or "I forgive you"; "I need you" or "I am hurting". If this should happen, if you simply can not find these words, leave a rose at that spot which both of you have selected - for that rose then says what matters most of all and should overpower all other things and all other words.

That rose says the words: "I still love you." The other should accept this rose for the words which cannot be found, and remember the love and hope that you both share today.


__Mark_ and _Brandi__, if there is anything you remember of this marriage ceremony, it is that it was love that brought you here today, it is only love which can make it a glorious union, and it is by love which your marriage shall endure." 

  

16 and Holding

For some background on Bradley's disease and our journey check out this post: Life Without Food Revisited and Updated

As I sit here staring at the screen, I wonder what words to write. I know that if I just start typing those words will come. They always do. And yes, this is going to be a Bradley post. Some may wonder why I write so much about his disease and what we go through. I do it because for me it makes it that much easier to talk about when I'm asked questions. I also do it for awareness. While much more is known now about Eosinophilic Esophagitis than there was 20-30 years ago, this is still a disease in its infancy. There are patients who are just now having to figure out new doctors to see because they are no longer a pediatric patient, but they have a disease that has mostly been dealt with in the pediatric world. I also do it because I know that there is a purpose, a plan for why Bradley has to endure this terrible disease. God says so many times in the Bible that we are called according to his purpose. That he will be there with us through those trials and that we will come out stronger.

This past month we have hit road block after road block in dealing with this disease. Today came more answers that we didn't want to hear, yet I think all along I've prepared myself for. You see when we first decided to move forward with the feeding tube I had already been preparing myself mentally for the possibility for a couple years. That last scope in December 2013 I knew before we ever made the trip that the results were not going to be what we wanted. I don't know how I knew, I just did. Even then I asked not just for prayers of good results, but for prayers that we would be able to accept whatever the results would be.

Then we started the journey. The life of tube feeding. Because I had prepared myself for the feeding tube, I also had prepared myself for what the future may hold. I held on tightly to the belief that the tube was the answer and that my Boo would get better. And he has. He went from an exhausted little boy who voluntarily stayed in from recess his 2nd grade year to a thriving young man who is now in the 4th grade. He went from almost falling off the charts from being so little as far as weight and height to now being in the 25th percentile. We finally were able to buy him clothes because he grew.

Going into this life of a feeding tube, I knew the possibilities of being on the tube for years to come was very likely. I was ready for what life would throw at us. But then we got to bounce happily along on the journey for 17 months. Unlike cases of children who would be immediately stopped in their tracks with the first food reintroduced, we made it up to 16 foods with successful introduction. And then we hit the road block. I saw it coming with white potato because that one food seemed to do something that I couldn't quite put my finger on. So while it was a blow to find out he is definitely allergic to white potato, it helped prepare me for the scope that I knew was going to be bad for the first time in 17 months. However, I don't think I quite prepared myself for the rest of the results until the past week.

You see when we found out about potato and decided to do bloodwork to check the other foods instead of trial and error, I allowed myself to go back to that point of prayer of "please God, help me to accept what we are about to endure." Some may say I am borrowing troubles from tomorrow right now and maybe I am, but I feel that I am preparing myself for what life ahead will be like.

All the cases I've read about or seen videos on, those kids came to their limit. They knew their number and that the number most likely won't increase. I personally feel we may be entering that zone with Bradley. And to be honest, the results today didn't impact me near as much as the potato results because I think I already knew. I had already started coming around to the idea that we are at a roadblock and we may be here for quite some time. And we are going to learn to live with it and do as we have done since Bradley was a year old....look at the positives because if we focus on the negatives the weight can be unbearable.

Today I received confirmation that he is officially allergic to oats, rice, watermelon, and linseed (flax seed comes from this). The only thing that he may be able to keep is cocoa, but even that I'm going to keep an eye on since it was close to borderline. All those other foods tested in the high range. And yes, I cried for a moment and I'm even a little teary right now. But they are tears of feeling so frustrated for my little boy. Afterall, what parent wants to deny their child food? But I have to if I want my little boy to be healthy.

So here I sit this evening prepared for what is ahead on our journey. Yes, I will be super picky about any food or drink that is found that may be potentially safe and I will scrutinize even the tiniest ingredient. If it's not officially safe and hasn't officially been introduced after a clean scope, then it's going to be a firm, "No Bradley can't have that." Yes, I will pray that his next scopes come back clean and we will take the next steps to see if his number gets to go higher than 16. But I'm also going to be accepting and help Bradley in every way to be accepting as well of whatever the journey ahead holds. Of course, he's been more accepting than me sometimes.

He's a fighter and he's my hero. This is not the way I ever dreamed it would be, but it is our reality.

21 No More

Today as I drove to WalMart it took every bit of strength I still had to reach my destination. It was all I could do to keep on that path because what I really wanted to do was turn my car around. I figured I could reach the beach by 6:30. I could reach peace, Solace. God. I know He all around and with me all the time, but the beach is the place I feel the closest to Him. I was so focused on driving to where I was supposed to go that I actually missed the turn.

Six hours and ten minutes ago I finally got the news I've been waiting for with baited breath for 2 weeks. The same news I was waiting on when I posted 21 Foods and Counting. I finally got the results for Bradley's white potato allergy test followed by the results from the biopsies taken during his endoscopy and colonoscopy. Results that rocked my world yet again.

Sometimes people think that I'm overly protective or worrisome about the foods Bradley eats. I have to be very careful and selective down to the seasonings and oils used to prepare food. As a mom I'm glad I trust what I think is going on. We first introduced white potato back in January/February. He ended up being sick several times around then. Not knowing for sure if it was true illness or a result of adding back white potato, I took it out of Bradley's diet. I was questioned as to why and where my proof was that potato was making him sick. I explained my thinking and said after he gets better we will introduce another food, then if that is tolerated we will try white potato again.

We started white potato again in June (or was it May). The signs were so subtle, easy to miss. But I was concerned so I had his allergist check his allergen levels to white potato. Thinking the results would put me at ease. Either I was just seeing things that weren't there or I was on the right track in thinking something wasn't quite right. Either way we would know.

Today the results came back and we must now go from 21 foods to even less. We know for sure that we have to take the potato out. He is definitely allergic. Highly allergic in fact. His allergy to potato is almost as high as his allergy to egg yolk.

However that wasn't the only news. I also got to read his biopsy results from his scopes. Last October 2014 his scopes were clean. Zero evidence across the board. The time before that, June 2014, counts were 10 or less. Those were the scopes since his feeding tube was placed. Prior to the feeding tube, in December 2013, the scope results showed numbers of eosinophils around 45. June 2013 scopes were the highest to date with 85 as our number. Today it took me over 2 hours to realize. Over 2 hours for it to fully hit me what I had read from the results. The count in his esophagus is OVER 100. The highest ever that we are aware of.

With this result we have to make decisions. Take all new foods away? Blood work? Both? What? You see of those 21 foods we had reached, 6 of them have been added since October. Since his last clean scope of zero. That means potentially taking away all 6 of those foods. As much as he doesn't want it, his allergist is sending me an order for blood work so we can check those other items we've added. We are prepared to back down and only be at 15 foods (remember there are about 5 of those he won't eat so really just 10 foods). Not food groups, families of food, actually individual food items.

With these results we are now in a holding pattern. We cannot add anything new until we figure out what caused the problems this time.

Those are the cold hard facts. The things that we can't change. The card we've been dealt.

As a mom I've written of my feelings on this in the past. And trust me in his short 9 years there have been many. Bradley has been through more medically than many people endure in a lifetime. I would love to say that making the decision to move to a feeding tube in the first place was the hardest to deal with. Not for me. For me I knew that although it didn't seem fair, it was going to help my sweet boy. And it has. No for me, I think the past 2 weeks have hit me the hardest. Tears that fall without warning. Anger at the unfairness of it all. And yet, here is Bradley taking the news so gracefully. His response, "Oh. Okay." Shrugged his shoulders and went right on playing. The same boy who just 2 days ago went and hid in his closest because he was mad his friend didn't come over. He even told me, "You know mom. I get mad about the little things. But not really the big ones."

Oh I don't doubt that he is disappointed, hurting, angry, etc. But for now he is accepting and I'm going to take it. This amazing young man faces most of his days with a strength and courage I can only imagine. His only question, "Hmmmm....I wonder what I can put in my lunchbox for tomorrow. And no I don't want beans."

As his mom I worry. I worry that one day he'll get mad at it all. That he'll choose a path that is harmful to himself. Afterall when you have to watch videos to start each year such as More Than Sad, you can't help but be fearful that it could happen to your child no matter what you do.

As his mom I have my own choices to make. The choice to hide my tears or let them flow freely for him to see. The choice to put it all in God's hands or try to control things by keeping them to myself. The choice to face each day stronger or hide under the covers wishing it all away. The choice to go about seeming to be cheery or let others know what our life is like including how we feel.

So many choices.

I choose to show my faithful human side. I choose to let Bradley know how I feel so that he too can learn to express his feelings. I choose to put it in God's hands because despite the frustrations and set backs, we also have the good days; the blessings. I choose to allow myself moments of hiding under the covers so that I can face each day stronger. Hiding under the covers I can cry it out, get over it, and really let go so God can take care of us. I choose to share about Bradley's life and our experiences. I may never know that impact and I don't need to, but I've been able to talk with others going through similar experiences and offer words of support, a listening ear, and so forth.

So yes, we are 21 No More. Yes I am hurting for my Boo who was devouring french fries faster than they could be made. Yes I am angry that our society revolves around FOOD, FOOD, and more FOOD and so many don't realize how good they have it. I am angry that insurance doesn't understand this disease so we have to fight for coverage (remember out of pocket for Bradley's food (formula) and medical supplies alone cost us almost what I bring home in a month.) I think the lowest of the low doctors, the ones who couldn't cut it in the real world of medicine are the ones being paid by insurance companies to help them with their denials. Yes, I wish I could go and physically force them to live on solely the foods that are safe for Bradley for a week and then to go a week drinking (not through a tube but actually drinking) his formula. I'm sure some changes would take place then.

Yes I am strong and my faith is such that I turn immediately to the Father instead of blaming Him because "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phillipians 4:13). He has held me in his arms many a night, he is with me wherever I go. These are not just words I say to come off sounding better than others. These are words that I live by. Words I believe in wholeheartedly because I know I can't do this alone. I know and truly believe that these trials have a purpose. A purpose I may never know. A purpose Bradley may never know. In Him I take comfort, I am comforted.

For those of you who don't quite get that. Those who don't understand how that can be possible, then I invite you to start on your lifestory. I invite you to learn more about our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. Seek out someone you feel comfortable talking to that can help you grow. Jesus told us to go forth and make disciples. So there are many out there who are willing to help you embark on this journey that will lead to the ultimate destination. A journey that will give you comfort and allow you to be able to trust in the Father and walk away from devastating news with a strength and courage that can only be found through Him.

I leave you with this. Request for all the prayer warriors to lift up their voices. "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." (Matthew 18:20). Prayers for us to hold strongly to our faith. Prayers for us to face each day with courage and strength. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9). Prayers for us to accept the path that God has placed before us. The life He has planned for us. Prayers for us to continue to lift up His name and keep turning to Him in our times of praise as well as our times of need.

Life Lessons....From the Ocean

In my quest to do some finishing touches in my kitchen that is almost finished being renovated, I was determined to add some quotes around the room. Above my kitchen door seemed to be the perfect place. I wanted something that would give me hope and courage every time I walk out the door to face the world. I debated scripture, but I also wanted something that involved my place of peace, my place I feel closest to God. The beach.

I kept thinking of the quote, or at least I thought it was a quote until I couldn't find it anyplace I looked, "When life sends you a storm, ride the waves." The closest I could find was about surfing.  I then spent days searching for the perfect quote, but I kept coming back to the one about the storm and waves. After careful thought, I realized I wanted something a little more than that. Afterall, I don't face a storm in my life everyday. I began playing around with words and I finally came up with:
               "Sit upon the shore
                   Stir the ocean
                       Ride the waves"

But what does this have to do with life lessons or even my desire for something above my door to remind me how to take on each day? How does this remind me to keep God front and center?

SIT UPON THE SHORE...
There are times in life when we must sit still. When I think of sitting on the shore, I think of observing life around me. I think of quiet. Of slowing down. Of taking time to really listen. Of simply being in awe of the masterpiece stretched out before me created by our Heavenly Father. And as of late, of writing my cares and worries in the sand as a way of handing it all to God knowing that the waves will come and wash the words away just like God helps to ease our troubles, our minds, when we have the faith to let go and trust in Him. This line is my reminder that sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut, observe what is around me, listen, and to turn it all over to God.

STIR THE OCEAN...

Just like there are times in life that we must be still, there are also times when we must stir things up. We can't just be complacent and always accept things as they are. Sometimes we must fight for what we believe in. Sometimes we have to be the voice of change. And yes, even though it may be hard to do, we may have to step out on that limb and do what Jesus said. We have to "Go forth and make disciples." That may not sound like stirring the ocean, but when was the last time you shared your testimony with others, got into the really deep conversations with someone about their faith, helped them to come to know Christ? It's not as easy as it may sound. Although some people seem to do this effortlessly.

  

RIDE THE WAVES...

And then we come to to the last line. Ride the waves. This is my reminder that life is not always going to be easy. Sometimes the waters are going to be calm and the sailing will be smooth. Other times the storms will rage, the waves will crash, the current will take you under. No matter what the weather and how gentle or rough the waves are, you must learn to ride them. My favorite verse is Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. To ride the waves it to realize that God is going to take care of us, he has called each of us according to his purpose. When we fight against the waves we are left getting no where, exhausted, and ready to give up at times. When we learn to ride the waves, we can end up arriving at an amazing destination that we never even dreamed possible.

One final note...
We have to learn to do each of these things and know when we should sit, when we should stir, and when we should ride.

21 Foods and Counting

17 months ago (March 2014)

It's been 17 months since we took almost all food away from Bradley. That was March 2014. We allowed a small list of 10 foods, plus tea, sugar, pepper, and salt. Four months later, in July, we received great news....his esophagus and colon showed very little sign of his disease rearing its ugly head. He was healing and that also meant we got to add more food. Seven months later, in October, we got the best news ever....absolutely no eosinophils showed in his biopsies. I couldn't believe my eyes, but when his doctor confirmed it with a phone call it finally started to sink in. So yes, we got to add even more foods.

Only this time we were looking at a whole new section of the plan his dietitian came up with before we started down the road of tube feeding with a specialized formula. This time there were foods that Bradley has tested allergic to in the past. This time food introduction was going to be much slower (my preference). We didn't want any set backs since things were going so well and Bradley was making so many improvements and finally gaining weight. He was becoming your typical, energetic little boy.

So take it slow we did. So slow in fact that it took another 9 months before he had another set of scopes. We stayed safe and if anything seemed to react with him at all (even if we couldn't be sure if he just had a cold) we would avoid the food, allow time to pass, and then try something else. My concerns during that time about the possible foods to introduce were shared with Bradley's allergist and she felt the same as I did about going slow because we would be entering territory that may not be safe. There was hope to add in a meat after those October scopes. But that was one of the foods I was very unsure of introducing. 

You would think I would want to jump on getting meat added back because once that is done we can start using less of the formula. But Bradley has tested allergic to chicken, beef, and pork in the past. After some months of thinking (8 months to be exact), it hit me. Ask about seafood items...fish, shellfish, etc. Usually those are among the top food allergens, but in the past Bradley never skin tested positive for them. So the allergist and I discussed the idea and we went for it. Bradley was skin tested and had bloodwork done to check for an allergy to seafood and chicken. Fingers crossed. If the results came back fine and his scopes were still clean, then we would slowly get to add something from the list. 

Today we got the results back on most of the foods we tested. Results that we weren't quite expecting. He is least allergic to fish on the list of items we tested for and still very highly allergic to milk and egg. But even with low numbers for some of the items, an allergy is an allergy. He won't be able to have those items. Kinda makes me wish we had tested beef and pork just to see. 

So I sit here today. Crying every once in a while because no matter how much you prepare for results you don't want. Sometimes the results just hit wrong and you can't help but feel a little defeated. We are still waiting on the results of his scopes from last Thursday. Praying the news isn't another blow, but prepared in case it is. If eosinophils are present, then we will have to take foods away again. It will be guess work. If they are not present and we get a zero count like we did last October, then we will get to figure out another food to introduce. 

We are so thankful that he can have all he is allowed to have. There are so many with Eosinophilic Esophagitis who have no safe foods or less than a handful of safe foods. So right now we sit at 21 foods, tea, and some seasonings. Of those 21 there are several he won't even eat. Also, the foods cannot be prepared the way you typically would prepare them. Only with the seasonings and oils I list.

**Eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE) is an allergic inflammatory disease. Eosinophils are a type of white blood cell and they shouldn't be in the esophagus. Bradley has them there and in the colon. Basically, Bradley's own body attacks itself, it sees food as a foreign invader that should not be there. This attack causes many troublesome symptoms as well as damage to the esophagus and colon in Bradley. His feeding tube and taking away foods has allowed his body to heal. 

Bradley's Food List as of August 2015

• Lettuce**
• Broccoli**
• Green Beans**
• Squash**
• Carrots**
• Sweet Potato
• Pear
• Plum
• Apricot
• Peach
• Blueberries
• Strawberries
• Black beans
• Black Eyed Peas
• Pinto Beans

**Indicates foods he won't eat.

Items that may or may not stay on the list

• Rice
• White potato
• Watermelon
• Cocoa
• Flax seed
• Oats

Drinks, seasonings, and oils

• Tea
• Sugar
• Brown sugar
• Salt
• Pepper
• Garlic
• Olive oil
• Cinnamon flavoring oil
• Peppermint flavoring oil

Mamaw Pilkenton

Below is what I wrote and then spoke at my Mamaw Pilkenton's funeral on Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Mamaw Pilkenton (Arlenia Rose Pilkenton)

By: Brandi Cade

Many of you may be wondering why I’m the one speaking today. As a matter of fact, you may be thinking just because I’m the oldest grandchild, I wasn’t here on a day to day basis like some of you so I don’t have a right. But I’m here and I’m speaking. I’m speaking today in celebration of life. You see love knows no limits, no boundaries. Memories are made whether you are with someone all the time or occasionally. I stand before you today to share a story; a story of a life that touched each and every one of us sitting in this room.

Hans Christian Anderson once said, “A human life is a story told by God.” The Bible reminds us in Psalm 107:2 “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story---those he redeemed from the hand of the foe.”

There is no way for me to know the entire story. As a matter of fact there are many details to this story, this life, that I can’t possibly know because those details are carried inside each and every one of you. They are locked away inside your own memories for you to relive in your times of need.

Let us pray….

Lord, we come to you today in celebration of a life. The life of Arlenia Rose Pilkenton. While we are crying earthly tears of sorrow, help us to feel your comforting arms around us. Lord, I ask that you be with me as I share the story I know of my Mamaw’s life and that you open up each and every heart and mind this evening to the parts of the story they know. To their own special memories that may have been locked away waiting for the right moment to resurface so that we may realize that although Mamaw’s earthly body is being laid to rest, she is still here among us by the way she touched each of our lives.

In your Son’s precious name we pray, AMEN.

I can’t even begin to imagine what life was like for Mamaw, but it’s those details that made her the person she was. From losing her mom at such a young age to living with numerous brothers and sisters. From raising 5 amazing children to mourning the loss of those she never really got to know and mother.

You see I don’t own any of those memories, but many of you do. I invite you to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember. Remember the sister you grew up loving and maybe even disliking at times. Remember the mother, aunt, or friend you know and love.

Now hear the part of the story that I know. I’m sure many of you will share similar memories. As you listen and remember, know that it’s okay to smile, laugh, and yes, even cry. You see Mamaw would want us to sit here and celebrate her life knowing she’s no longer in pain, knowing that she is rejoicing in her new heavenly body with the spirit we all know and love.

Picture it, a grandmother , you know the one who spoils kids rotten, bakes cookies, and is your typical storybook grandma….now erase all that because Mamaw was NOT your typical storybook grandma.

Instead of spoiled grandchildren, ah, who am I kidding we were all spoiled and loved, but we also had rules to follow. We toed the line ‘cause if we didn’t, she threatened to “Bust our hind ends.” Oh sure some grands crossed the line, but we all had a respect for Mamaw’s rules. And if you were caught doing something, “Busted.” Mamaw also expected her kids to follow rules even though they were grown, married, and out of her house. The grands loved to rile her up by sharing that their dad said a cuss word. Oh how we’d giggle about the fact that she was going to ‘bust their hind ends.’

I would love to be able to share of a time when I got in trouble, but I toed the line and was usually just in during the summer and a short time around Christmas.

But here’s what I do remember…FOOD! I loved seeing those large orange Tupperware containers come out of the pantry. It meant biscuits. It also meant I got to climb up on the barstool and help cut them out with a glass. She would coat the counter with flour, roll out the dough, sprinkle more flour on top, and we would cut. As the glass pressed in, puffs of flour would rise in the air. The best breakfast food was soon to follow----- sausage gravy, scrambled eggs, and biscuits. No one makes biscuits quite like Mamaw’s.

And let’s not forget about green beans while I’m talking about food. She never could quite understand how you could eat, let alone like, green beans from a can bought at a store (you know who you are). I never did get to learn the canning side, but I loved to help her snap those beans. Anytime I snap beans now, I’m taken back to sitting in her house with her. Good memories.

And for some grands there’s her pumpkin pie. She had a few grandsons who would fight over her pies. It got so bad that she started making a pie for each of them. And try as they might, no other person could replicate those pumpkin pies….even using her exact same recipe, exact same brand of ingredients.

Close your eyes and picture the foods that remind you of her. Breathe in and take a moment to savor the scent, enjoy the taste.

You remember how I said to erase that typical grandma image from your mind---well, I meant it. A storybook grandma is usually old and maybe a little boring. Not Mamaw.

Nap times at her place were magical. Back then I loved when we would snuggle up on her bed and she would tell stories. Stories of wolves, the boogeyman, the sandman. I don’t recall if I ever fell asleep during those times, but I do recall she was a great story teller because I believed her.

If she still had the house she lived in when I was little, I doubt I would go into that basement even today. To make sure we grandkids wouldn’t go near the basement door and try to go down there, she had us believing the boogeyman lived down there. I can remember playing outside and we would dare each other to try to look into the basement windows to catch a glimpse. Can’t say we ever got close too many times, but if we did we convinced the others we saw the boogeyman.

Sleepovers at her house were always the best. You see, typical grandmas would sleep on their own beds but not Mamaw. Depending on how many slept over, there might be people sleeping all over the living room and foyer. She would set up that huge sofa bed and lay out foam pads all over the floor. And she would sleep right down there with us.

On those occasions we would also sing and dance through the house. She would even let me have a friend sleep over because for the longest time there were mostly boy grandchildren. We would have on MTV or VH1…for those who don’t know, those stations really used to play music videos almost all day. I still recall dancing through her house to “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” over and over. A song I still dance to today.

Let’s not forget about the evenings though. We grandkids would spend hours chasing lightning bugs and she was right out there with us. She even brought out a canning jar with a lid with holes in the top to capture them in.

And there was also june bugs---catching those things, tying a string to one of its legs, and letting it fly.

Man those were fun times.

I hope one day my own grands will be able to hold such memories as those.

Mamaw also enjoyed crocheting. She taught me how one summer and thanks to technology….Google and YouTube…I’ve been able to relearn. Everytime I see a crocheted blanket or doll, I always think of her. A crocheted blanket almost always graced the back of a couch or bed in her home. I’m sure that she taught many of you something that you can hang on to in your memories as well. Take a moment to think. What did she teach you? What did you learn from her?

And then there’s family. I don’t know who all’s houses she took me too, but I remember it was fun. As a kid I had no clue what the grownups were up to because there was always a slew of cousins and other kids to play with during those visits. After I was grown I got to sit in with the grownups and let me tell you, they were a hoot. No wonder they didn’t let the kids in on their conversations. To watch Mamaw and her sisters carrying on, joking and picking on each other, reminiscing about the good ole days. That was a treat. I swear I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard as when I would sit in with them. I bet she’s up in Heaven now laughing, carrying on, and having a good ole time. And we should too.

Family was important to her….how could it not be given that she raised a large one and came from one that was even larger? She would want each of us to carry on as family should. Sure, she may have been the matriarch, the one whose home was where everyone gathered, but now she’s gone. And despite that fact, we can still carry on. She would want us to still get together, visit, and find time to slow things down a bit in this fast paced world.

As I near the end of the story (or rather walk down memory lane) that I know, I want us all to remember that above all, she was a Christian. I loved when I spent the night on a Saturday because that meant I got to see her get ready for church the next morning. As a young child I was fascinated by her shoes….maybe it was because they were heels and all other days she wore flat shoes. Or maybe it was the dresses.

At church she mostly sat with us grandchildren, but there were some times she would sing with the choir. Now those are precious memories. Unless you’ve lived any large amount of time away from here you may not realize that the church singing in these parts is very distinct---that sweet Appalachian sound. I still find myself singing and humming lines from some of the songs she sang….

…..from having a little talk with Jesus

….to no tears in Heaven faire, no tears, no tears up there. Sorrow and pain will all have flown….

And so many more. Mamaw put her trust in the Lord and that part of her life, that part of her story has touched many whether she knew it or not.

Jenna Pilkenton, one of her great granddaughters will now sing:

          Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true

With Thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.

I exalt thee, I exalt thee, I exalt thee, Oh, Lord

I exalt thee, I exalt thee, I exalt thee, Oh, Lord

Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true

With Thanksgiving, I’ll be a living sanctuary for you.

This is only part of Mamaw’s story, part of her life. I hope that as I spoke you were able to recall some of your own personal memories that are part of her story as well. As you get together over the next few days, weeks, months, and years I ask that you share your stories of her with each other. Mamaw was a spirited lady who spoke her mind, loved her family, and would want nothing more than for us to love unconditionally and keep on living.

           I love and miss you Mamaw, but your memory remains alive and well.

Now….Scat Tom, get your tail out the gravy.

Resolution Post #1: Who I Am

It's no surprise that the first section in the first part of the book The Resolution for Women would be about being in a hurry.

Around this time of year I find myself telling others, "I'm already living in next  year." That's because for me when school is winding down, I am gearing up for the changes to make for next year so that it will be even better. So many people start thinking of making resolutions and changes towards the end of December with good intentions to put them in place starting in January.

Having only lived a life of school, my year always runs August to July. August is the time for new beginnings, March through June is the time for planning for those new beginnings, and June through July are either getting recharged to get started up again or actually doing things to prepare for getting started in August.

But in starting to live in the next school year months before it is here, I find that I am missing out on opportunities. Missing out on life. Instead of being content and living in the moment of here and now and trusting God, I end up rushing through. In my work life it becomes "Oh, well it's too late to fix ______ this year so I won't do anything, but next year I will ________".

It is the same rush, but instead of my work it happens with my children and even my husband. At home it becomes "let me just make it a few more weeks, then we can ___________." On a daily basis thoughts of just making it to bedtime so I can have some quiet wind down time or "I can't wait until ___________ stops doing _______" or "I can't wait until ____________ can do ___________ on their own" plagued my thoughts.

Financially I'm living even further down the road to the times of no more daycare bill that will just so happen to coincide with a couple of loans being paid in full. The talk then becomes, "In _____ we will be doing better and can finally do _______." or  "If we can just make it to _______, then we can finally fix/replace/do something about ___________."

How many times am I so busy looking for the next best thing that I fail to realize the goodness taking place right now? How many times do I fail to see what is going on right in front of me and learn to be content with the here and now?

You see I'm always rushing to the next thing either because I have convinced myself that I'll be happier in the new school year because I'm going to change something or because I've convinced myself that our money troubles will be over. Although I know deep down that is not the case. There will be something new to come around to cause me angst over my job or over finances. 

But God doesn't want us living like this. In fact he is very clear about contentment. In 1 Timothy 6:6 it states, "True godliness with contentment is itself great wealth." Later in 1 Timothy 6:8 "If we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content (satisfied)." In Hebrews 13:5 it states, "Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, 'I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you." 

You see God wants us to be satisfied with what we have and to trust that He is always there for us. We shouldn't be running to get to the next best thing with the assumption it will help us to be happier and more satisfied with our life. So if we shouldn't be rushing to the next thing and should be content with what we have right now, then we need to take the time to do this. 

My biggest challenge this week is the fact that I'm not looking forward to camping. As a matter of fact as I think of ways to focus on being in the moment and being satisfied and noticing the good parts around me so I can enjoy what is going on in my life, I realize this is one of the things I will have to be very open too. As much as I want to wish the time away, if I do so I will miss out on opportunities to see my girls experience their first camping trip. I will miss out on the joy and fun of the activities Tori will participate in with her fellow Daisies and soon to be fellow Brownies. But God calls me to be content with what I have. As I strive to do differently by trying to be more in the moment, I must face this weekend head on with a focus on being in the moment. 

What is it you are hurrying through or hurrying to get to? Have you missed some good experiences because you were too busy rushing through? Especially rushing through difficult times, did you see the good in the bad? What can you do differently to help you focus on all the good things and enjoy life? 

**Questions adapted from p. 16 of The Resolution for Women