The Best

I, like so many people, often find myself following my own agenda and forget that I need to honestly pray and put things in God's hands. While I do not know if I truly got off the path God intended for me to follow or not, I do know that He gave us freewill and within that I truly believe that regardless of how far of course we may go, God finds a way to make the path we are on right for us....even if it is a little bumpy along the way.

When I look back on the school book my mom kept, it clearly states for each school year what I wanted to be when I grew up. In kindergarten one of those things was a teacher. Through the years I was also going to be a model, a banker, a lawyer, a child psychiatrist, and a pediatrician. The last two, I held onto throughout middle school and almost all of high school; especially the one about being a pediatrician. As a matter of fact 3/4 of the way through college, I even started checking in to what it would take for me to get in to MUSC. But those who know me, know that I am an passionate educator.

But I am more than that.

Not too long ago, Tori asked if I was ever going to be a doctor. I thought carefully about my words and explained that if I can just get a big paper called a dissertation done, then I would be a doctor, but not the kind that she thinks. I would be a doctor of education, someone who takes care of you by helping you grow in knowledge, by helping you learn. She then insisted that was no kind of doctor. In other words, mom you're crazy.

Well, I guess this idea of me being the doctor she wants me to be has stayed with her, because a few days ago I heard this; "Mom, you're the best doctor."

"What do you mean T-Belle?" I inquired.

"You're the best doctor because you help us by putting on our lotions and giving us medicine."

I thought that was the end of that until tonight. Tori started in on a conversation of what she sees me being the best at: the best cooker, the best doctor, the best mommy she knows, etc.

This does my heart proud, because she can see that someone can be more than just one thing, that one label does not describe who our whole person is. While we say a lot of "bless her hearts" and "God love her" about my T-Belle, she truly has one of those reflective and contemplating minds and will just blow you away with the depth of some of her thinking from time to time. You see, this little 5 year old girl has taken another conversation about growing up and without prompting or directing from anyone applied it to something larger.

Along with many conversations we have, Tori has mentioned that she wants to be a mom, a cheerleader, and a teacher when she grows up. I think it was teacher....she changes that last one from time to time, but consistently wants to be a mom and a cheerleader. When I told her she can be all those things, she responding with an astonished, "WHAT?! You mean I don't have to be just one." You see I wanted her to know that she really will be so much more than one label and in my mind I know that she is thinking a cheerleader who puts on a uniform to cheer in front of the crowds. But as her mom, I know that no matter what she chooses in life, she will be a cheerleader of a different sort. One who cheers on her siblings, her friends, and one day her own children.

So the fact that she came up with all of the "you're the best _________" statements to describe me, shows me that she can see how someone can be so many different things all at once.

So while I didn't become the medical doctor I once thought I would become, in the eyes of an amazing 5 year old, I am a doctor.

Now, whether I was just stubbornly insisting I was going to be a pediatrician and God stepped in by my first jobs being in daycares while I was in high school, planting that seed to want to be with children as their teacher, or whether God really did plan that I would become a pediatrician I will never know. Regardless of what my path was supposed to be and whether God intervened years ago so I would become an educator, or whether I messed with His plans and he had to work out a new path for me, I know that I would change anything for the world.

For more about the doctor I didn't become, stay tuned for my next post and look up Romans 8:28.

Valentine's Day

As I read the sweet romantic posts about couples and their first Valentine's I think back on what I recall about Valentine's Day. And then, my husband asks me over the phone, "Do you remember what we did our first Valentine's Day together?" To which I honestly reply, "No, I can remember we did go to Ruby Tuesday's one time and got that special they always do."

You see there are many, many things I can recall down to the minute detail and that drives some people (even myself) a little crazy sometimes. But Valentine's Days are not always one of them. Here are the ones I do recall....

In school, I never could wait to get home so I could tear open my Valentine's and truly get giddy about the one's given to me and what they said....especially if I really thought one of the boys who gave it was cute.

Then you get a little older and middle school brought on the hopes that you would get a flower from someone special, or a little gift from a boyfriend. Similar in high school.

But the Valentine's that hold the clearest memories for me....2001 when I got Piper around Valentine's Day. Afterall she was my first puppy that I was completely responsible for, she was so tiny, and so lovable. Hard to believe I've had her for 13 years now and her age is really showing as her fur has gradually turned white around the muzzle and ears, her hearing isn't what it used to be, neither is her sight, but she will still snuggle up.

The next most memorable would be in 2009. We were still learning just how bad Bradley's food allergies really were and since we never really saw much change in avoiding milk or milk products, we were a little lax in allowing certain food items from time to time. Little did we know that part of the reason for not seeing changes was because he had more allergies to foods that we were first led to believe.

You see Valentines 2009, Bradley was allowed M&Ms. A food he had always loved, but we took away from him except for once in a while. Late that night I went in to check on his screams to find a bloody mess as he had torn through his legs to the point they looked like parts had been through a meat grinder.

This Valentine's we have even more answers and prepare ourselves for our new normal that will enter our home in a few short weeks.

So, while it is wonderful to celebrate Valentine's Day, and I can be a stickler for remembering details, there are a few that I let slip by including how Mark and I spent our first Valentine's Day. Guess I'm kinda lucky that he can go with the flow and we just celebrate things whenever:-)

Now as I write this, I must say I may be able to recall this Valentine's, but not over anything super romantic. Instead it will be because the week leading up to it included a winter storm that had us "stuck" in Charleston for an extra day after Bradley's appointments, missing 3 days of school, and now as I type a minor earthquake. I haven't felt an earthquake since living in Charleston. The ones I felt then were about like this one....shaking for a few seconds. In middle school I thought a tree had fallen, in high school I thought someone was shaking the desk, and now I honestly yelled, "Mark, are you washing clothes?" To which he replied, "No, what the he** was that? I think it was an earthquake." Then Facebook exploded with comments.

So for all your romantics at heart, I hope you enjoyed your Valentine's Day. For everyone, let us always remember "faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us, but the greatest is LOVE."

The Angels Battle

For those that missed it, part one of this dream retelling by Bradley can be found here: http://brandislifesong.blogspot.com/2014/01/colorful-angels.html

The next evening, Bradley shared with me his newest dream about the angels. His words were short and to the point. "Mom, guess what?" "What?" I inquired. "I dreamed about the angels again last night, and you know what? The Hell's Angels broke through and started destroying things. But don't worry. Heaven's Angels won and threw all the bad ones back to Hell." He didn't elaborate on any of the details, just explained in his understanding of his dream that God wins.

 **As an aside, to my knowledge as his mom and Sunday school teacher, he hasn't really heard the book of Revelations. As a matter of fact most of what he has learned of the Bible consists of the basic stories you learn growing up from the Old Testament and mostly from the gospels in the New Testament. He has always been interested in the end of the world and concerned about World War 3 so we do have some discussions, but it has been a couple of years since those discussions.

Colorful Angels

Excitedly, Bradley started sharing his dreams with me again. "Mom, guess what?"

"What baby?"

 "Ever since I got baptized, I keep dreaming about Heaven and God."

 Prompting him to share, I got to hear a 20 minute description of all the angels Bradley met and the places he visited while in slumber.

 "Mom, I used to only know that there were 3 colors of angels, but the other night I got to meet more kinds of angels. They are all different colors."

 "Well, will you share with me what you saw?" I inquired.

 "Well I always knew about the red, blue, and yellow angels, but there are more colors mom. They all have different jobs." Bradley went on to describe the angels and their jobs.

 Red angels are builders. Blue angels are the protectors outside the village walls. Yellow angels are the protectors that stand at the doors. There was one angel that was too far away for Bradley to see. Purple angels stay in the shadows watching out for people escaping from Hell trying to turn Heaven into Hell. Green angels ran all the food stores and all the other stores. At first he thought the dark, dark black angels and the dark, dark red angels were bad, that they were Hell's Angels. Then he learned that the dark, dark black ones are messengers and the dark, dark red ones are traders for goods. Apparently all the angels also have their pictures on money too. Oh, and the white angels are the angels of peace.

 After about 20 minutes of sharing about the angels, Bradley went on to describe seeing God because he was given a castle like house and when he went there he found a room that was a super bright light and he just knew it was God and Jesus was in there visiting with God. As an after thought, Bradley added in that he also visited with Jesus's earthly parents because they had their own house too.

 We then went about the rest of our evening and right before bedtime, Bradley asked me to please come in to his room for snuggle time. "Mommy, I want us to have prayer snuggle time and TV snuggle time." We proceeded to sit together with his prayer shawl draped over our laps and pray. He was excited to go to sleep because he can't wait to see what else he dreams tonight.

Change Happens...Grow With It

Change. It is a fact of life. We can fight it, we can ignore it, we can let it do us in, we can learn from it and make the best of it. 

As an educator there are a couple of arguments that are often made with regards to teaching and change. One argument is that of someone who has been teaching for years. This person will proudly argue that "if we wait long enough the pendulum will swing back in the other direction" or "the way I taught 10 years ago or 20 years ago worked just fine, I don't need to change now."

For all those who argue that or something similar and yet beg to be recognized and valued as a professional, I ask that you open your mind and consider the following scenario. 

How would you feel if you doctor or your child's doctor chose to keep the same attitude? Think about it: Your baby fails to thrive.
Your baby can't keep food down.
Your baby grows older and experiences burning through his chest.
Your baby hurts all over and is constantly fatigued.

The doctor with the mindset that what I diagnosed and used as treatment for these symptoms 20 years ago will work today. Your child gets put on some medicines to manage acid reflux and still struggles with day to day life, but hey that's all the doctor knew to do 20 years ago, so it must still be fine.

Now let's take the doctor who has a growth mindset and realizes that your child really has eosinophilic esophagitis, an incurable disease that has a completely different treatment than acid reflux alone. A disease where your child's body is attacking itself because food is viewed as a foreign invader that shouldn't come into the body. You see, this disease, has only started being recognized as an official disease during the past 10-15 years. The doctor relying only on what worked for them 20 years ago will never help your child have a better quality of life.

In education it is no different. The kids today are not the kids of yesterday. Sure, the basics of education and how one learns is the same, but even with the sameness, there are differences. Decades ago students were learning and preparing for jobs that many were familiar with, but today's students are preparing for jobs yet to be created, yet to be thought of.

Today's students are living in a technological world that didn't exist 20 years ago, that didn't exist even 10 years ago. Today's students live in a world where information is readily available within seconds so teaching is no longer about teaching facts to memorize. Instead, it is becoming about teaching students to become critical thinkers, to not accept everything at face value.

These are just a few things about the students in our classes today. If we want to keep them in school and help them learn then we've got to engage them, we've got to get them thinking on their own instead of telling them what to think, and we've got to prepare them for a world that doesn't exist yet.

The other thing I hear and read about is the constant paperwork and lesson plans. And I won't even go into the testing piece. Sure a teacher can be the worst at writing lesson plans and be a great teacher, or a teacher can write exemplary lesson plans and be a terrible teacher, but those two instances are few and far between. Sure an experienced teacher may feel that including just a few key words in plans is enough to "jog" her memory, but let's again visit a medical scenario.

Say your child is going to have surgery and let's just say the doctor has performed this surgery multiple times a day for several years, let's say 15 years. The doctor is confident and sees absolutely no need to use the "mandated" checklist and enter the required surgical notes because of his years of experience. He just quickly glances over things and makes sure the needed supplies are available. It's now 8:00 a.m. and your child just got taken back to the operating room where he will undergo a 3 hour operation. The thing you don't know is that your child's surgeon was up all night the past 2 nights due to a sick child of his own and he just got a call from his brother that his mom is being taken to the local hospital for signs of a heart attack. Although the surgery is routine and your surgeon has performed it thousands of times and he doesn't use a checklist, this one surgery he is overly distracted by what is going on in his personal life. While operating he skips what would be step 3 on the checklist as well as step 18. Not purposefully, but skipped all the same. Your child comes out of the surgery and seems fine at first, but a few days later starts complaining of pains associated to the surgery. An infection has set in or a surgical supply was left in or a something wasn't connected back correctly....all because of a confident doctor who missed a couple of steps.

We want respect as professionals, just the same as doctors often receive, but how much respect would you give that confident doctor who just operated on your child? Are the plans you are writing just regurgitated from year to year, so familiar that you sometimes skip a step that a student may have needed to be successful?

Life Without Food

Imagine.

Imagine being told that you can no longer eat food or can only eat a few select foods.

Imagine a daily life that includes pain, nausea, diarrhea, acid reflux, fatigue, difficulty concentrating, difficulty swallowing, poor appetite. Imagine that it is all because your own body attacks itself because it views food as an enemy.

About a year after we finally got Bradley's eczema, asthma, and allergies under control, we knew that we were missing something. He stayed in trouble for "throwing up" his food because we thought he was chewing up foods he didn't like and then spitting them out. He also couldn't make it through a meal without having dire stomach pains and having to run to the bathroom. This went on for about a year before we really pushed to see if there was something else wrong.

At 4 years old Bradley started seeing a local GI doctor. We had to keep food diaries and he underwent his first endoscopy. It was with these biopsies that we found out Bradley has what is known as Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EoE). This diagnosis meant a new round of allergy testing to include almost 200 foods. My 31st birthday I had to hold my baby tightly as these tests were done. At this point we found out additional foods that he had to take out of his diet....beef, pork, banana, yeast, wheat, peanut, and corn along with milk and egg. He then did skin patch testing with the newly identified foods and he had little reaction. We proceeded to eliminate most of these foods, but did allow them once in a while.

Time passed and we neared the one year mark of his first colonoscopy. After his first scope we had been told he would have another one in a year. As we began to inquire and share that he was not improving, his first GI doctor insisted that he would not have another scope and that we just needed to keep a food diary.

Sharing all this with his allergist along with his continued symptoms, she put in for us to see a GI doctor at MUSC. Another great decision. Not only does Bradley's new GI doctor listen, she really understands this disease despite the fact that it is only a disease that was identified about 10-15 years ago. She did an endoscopy and colonoscopy. The eosinophils down his esophagus were worse and he was newly diagnosed with Eosinophilic Colitis. We adjusted his diet again.

Six months later he went through another scope and we found out that his counts were even higher. At that point the mention of a feeding tube was shared, but was not completely on the table yet. We were to get stricter with food elimination and also introduce an elemental formula because we couldn't afford for him to lose any weight.

Another 5 months passed and Bradley went through another round of scopes. Some counts were down, but not significantly. During those 5 months Bradley also started showing other signs. Pain of the legs, arms, chest, heart. Headaches. Fatigue. Periods of sadness and just wanting to be in bed and cry. Reflux returning. Eczema becoming harder to control.

After meeting with his allergist and sharing my concerns, she worked diligently to set up a time for us to meet with her and the GI doctor to discuss what our course of action would be. That meeting was held this morning, before patient hours. This meeting we shared our concerns and planned a course of action.

Today Bradley had 4 vials of blood drawn to check for eosinophils, IgE (Immunoglobulin E), vitamin D, and mast cell disease (specifically mastocytosis). Within the next few weeks he will go through a bone density scan (basically a specific type of x-ray) and will have surgery for a g-tube.

This next month will be a whirlwind of emotions and action. We will meet with the surgeon and surgery center. Uniquely of the 4 doctors who perform the surgery, one is the husband of Bradley's allergist. Shortly after that he will undergo surgery for a feeding tube port (button) and we will meet again with his nutritionist. We will find out exactly how much formula he will need daily so that we can determine a feeding schedule and we will also find out the couple of foods that he will be allowed to have. Most likely rice and not sure what else.

From there he will have scopes about every 3 months and will also have to follow up with the allergist about that often as well. Results of his biopsies will determine whether food will be added back and even then it will only be one food at a time.

Bradley was with us at the appointment, but realizing that he is about to have a "life without food" didn't hit him until we made it to the beach.

We've prepared mentally for awhile, but there is nothing like reality. A reality that will be rapidly changing for us.

Thankful to God that we have a great team of doctors. Prayful that we will continue to accept God's plan and to trust in that plan. Prayful that Bradley will hold on to life and continue to be the boy that so many would never guess suffers from all that he does. As some of the children in the videos below share, he will be able to do everything a normal boy does, the only thing he can't do is eat like them.

God's Got This! Years ago when Bradley would wake with screams because of the eczema, this song got me through many a night just so I could fall asleep myself....knowing that His hands are holding me.



Blessings by Laura Story reminds me that sometimes we have to go through the pain to get to the blessings. We must be patient and remember that our time is not God's not time.





 And knowing that God will be my Healer, my Comfort, my Peace, my Might Warrior, my Lifeline, my King so that I can be me.



www.apfed.org

Down to the River

Some people can tell of the exact moment God turned their life around, but for me, I honestly don't recall a time without God. You know what I'm talking about, that hit rock bottom, down on your knees with no where else to turn and then God "steps" in situation. What I can tell you about though is being saved by accepting Christ as my Savior and getting baptized. You see I feel as if I am lucky because I've always believed and accepted and the older I get and more I learn about being a Christian the stronger my faith becomes. Notice however I didn't say anything about being even close to a "perfect" Christian. Yes, I can recall plenty of times, long stretches even, of not attending church, and of questioning why God lets things happen, but no matter what He's always been a part of me, a part of my life.

Of course like any child who doesn't do exactly what her parents tell her, I can also tell of times of going my own way, interpreting things my own way, or just plain not listening to what God has planned for my life. I can promise that as one grows older, it doesn't get any easier, the questions and doubts still find their way into your thoughts and sometimes you want something so bad that you try to convince yourself that it is what God really wants for you. You look for "signs" to "justify" those earthly desires. What does get better is understanding, understanding what you need to do in order to have a closer relationship with God so that you can get better at being still, at listening, at following His plans for your life. Of course, as with anything in life, it takes work, it takes putting forth the effort to try to become better, and owning up to the fact that you are not perfect, but you can at any time, no matter what, call upon the Father, lean on Him, allow Him to hold you as a mother holds her baby.

Throughout the Bible we learn that there is something important we must do in our life here on earth.

In Matthew 28:18-20 we learn: 18) Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19) Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20) and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

In Mark we learn of Jesus' baptism
1:10 Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove.

In Luke 3:21-22:
Now when all the people were baptized, it came to pass, that Jesus also being baptized, and praying, the heaven was opened, and the Holy Spirit descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven which said, "Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased."

In John 3 we learn:
5) Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God."
13) For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Later in Acts:
2:38 Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
22:16 And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.
Acts 2:38

About 18 years ago, I was insistent that I was going to be baptized, but I didn't want to be dunked in a pool nor did I want some water sprinkled on my head. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with either of those ways, but for me I wanted to be baptized in the "river".  I wanted, no needed, what is shared in the Bible concerning baptism.

Things worked out for me to have this happen as I was staying with my grandparents in Virginia the summer between my sophomore and junior years in high school. As we prepared for that date, we ran into the trouble that it hadn't rained much so the areas in which we could do the baptism were low. God shined through in a big way....the rain finally came, only this time, there was so much water that the area was now too deep. Much prayer was said and by the time of my baptism the water depth was just right and what a glorious day it was.

What a glorious day this was! And taking the time to remember your baptism is something we must continue to do as Christians. We must each take time to really remember what it means that God gave us his Son so that we may be washed clean. Can you imagine such sacrifice?

About 10 years later God blessed me with a beautiful baby boy: David Bradley Cade. I think I have learned even more by watching his testimony, his life. You see it would be so easy for me to be angry about what Bradley deals with daily, and yes, recently I have been angry because it is hard and unfair. But God is so amazing that he allows me to have my moments and then brings me right back to where I need to be.

I think back to the time when my baby looked like this:

And since this time, we continue to have ups and downs with both Bradley and Tori. With Bradley we have learned of additional medical problems he suffers from and we have to routinely go to MUSC to meet with doctors. But through it all, Bradley holds on to his faith. During the times of these pictures, he often spoke of Jesus being right beside him, of being taken to heaven and not just being with Jesus, but of God holding him through the pain.

He still suffers a great deal of pain, just tonight he spent time screaming because of the pain he suffers to put on his medications. But through it all, he will tell anyone in a heartbeat that if you don't have Jesus in your heart, then you are going "down there." He will often have discussions with me and with his Nana about just wishing he could go ahead and go to Heaven to be with Jesus because then all his pain will be gone. We learn so much from him and from his faith. When I want to yell and scream because he can't have what "normal" kids have. We have to prepare ahead of time for something so normal as eating, yet he takes it all in stride. Yes he gets down as anyone would, but he mostly holds strong and teaches the adults around him.

This amazing little boy wrote a note to Reverend Becky a few weeks ago, "I want to be baptized." That was all it said. We've talked about why and what this means for him, and he really knows what he is talking about. Even today when the lesson in Sunday School was about Jesus baptism, I asked all my babies what they thought baptism was. I got responses of "I don't know" "Having a bucket of water dumped on you" and "Being thrown into a river.", but Bradley shared that it all has to do with having Jesus in your heart and having your sins washed away.

When he spoke with Reverend Becky about his desire to be baptized and responded to the questions she asked, he responded with all he felt and he even matter of factly told her that he didn't want to get baptized this Sunday (today), but next Sunday. So we are set, my baby is taking a big step in life and next week he will be baptized. He even has plans to mark it on his calendar that he wants to keep forever so he will never, ever forget.

So I leave you with this.

Matthew 18:3
"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 19:14
But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.