Sharing my Story Day 10: What's in Store?

As I prayed all day on what this evening's piece of my testimony would be, I must admit I was struggling. While today wasn't necessarily the worst of days, it was definitely one of those days I had to fight through. I know it is mostly because I like knowing my place, what I'm supposed to do, and to make a difference. I like to accomplish stuff. Life right now is just a little uncomfortable at times. While I don't enjoy discomfort, I do appreciate that we can must go through times of discomfort to grow and to learn. But that discomfort is quite a different feeling. So I was really struggling not knowing what I'm really going to focus on.

Then I got to my first grown up "Bible" study...well, not quite a Bible study. We will pull out scripture now and again and ground some of our discussion on what we learn from the Bible, but the real focus is on learning how to share ways God has worked in our life. I am so on fire right now that I just want to keep on going. Never has working with a group of adults been so amazingly easy and comfortable. I can't wait to see what the next several weeks hold. God has great plans for this, I still don't quite know what I'm doing...I'm just trying my best to follow his lead. Who knows maybe my state of discomfort in other areas is purposeful and part of a grander plan He has in store.

After getting home, I was even more unsure of what to write. I kept thinking of the great question posed tonight "Is there a difference between your life story and your testimony? If so, what is it?" Then I read from my book, Moments of Peace in the Presence of God. I'm not great at reading my morning and my evening meditations from the book at those designated times so I read my morning page titled "Coming In to Go Out". What?????

The story of when the disciples went to the tomb was shared. They had to go IN the tomb to see that Jesus wasn't there anymore and then go OUT into the world to tell the good news. How fitting for what we are trying to do! It went on to share that "God wants you to have inward and outward movements. Go inside yourself to be with God, and go out to others to take God to them. Retreat to the sanctuary, and then advance to the streets where people need God."

WOW! This hits the nail on the head. What I am asking all of us to do is to turn inward, be with God, find those moments those testaments within your life, pull them to the forefront of your mind, then be prepared to go out into the streets and take God to others. We had a great discussion about knowing your audience when you are sharing God. Your audience may be just one person, a small group, or lots of people, but you must try to determine who your audience is when you are with them and then share your testament of God's work in your life as it is relevant so that others can identify and "get" what you are saying.

You know we didn't even get to any writing tonight or really focus on how to get started, but it was still a great night and many pieces of stories were already shared which will help us grow one step closer to being able to share with others.

So if you are looking for ideas on how to write your story, here are a few tips that may help:
1. In Jeremiah 1:7-9 God reminds us to not be afraid, He will give us the words to say.
2. Trust in yourself, allow yourself to go to the places God leads you to.
3. Pick up pen and paper (or computer) and let your thoughts flow on to the paper....DON'T focus on whether it makes sense or whether the words are just right. Just get the thoughts out.
4. If writing seems too intimidating, try something smaller.....lists work wonders. In school when I teach writers, we call these seeds and we can go pull from them anytime to draft a written piece. Create lists of times in your life or events that have stuck with you, lists of favorite scripture, think about your emotions....times when you were really happy or sad or lonely or angry....
5. Below are some websites that have great tips, check them out too:

An Evangelism Tool You Already Have

30 Minutes to a Shareable Testimony

Sharing Your Journey of Faith

Let us pray:

God, Thank you. You sent your Son to save us and for that I thank you. I thank you for this opportunity, this door you have opened although you know in my heart Lord that I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I ask that you continue to be patient with me as I am learning how to better follow you and to share you with others. I ask that you open up all our hearts to listen to you Lord so that we may better figure out our story and what parts of that story will become our testimony that we will share with others so that they may come to know you as well. In Your Name, Amen

Sharing my Story Day 9: Hold On, Let Go, Trials, and More Trials

I feel like I have posted and blogged about this many times, but it may never be enough. You see this story is my life, my here and now, my weary and worn, my praise in the storm, and my longing for change...for better.

In the previous post I shared about a colleague and then on Facebook Proverbs 31 ministries posted something very similar: "You have the exact qualities God knew your kids would need in a mother. So, each day, hold up your willingness and ask God to make you the best version of you that you can possibly be." --Lysa TerKeurst

How amazingly and wonderfully true. Bradley and I even had a discussion this evening and while it was mostly a lot of questions about what happens if someone never accepts Christ and admits their sins, we somehow got to discussing God as father. I told him that just like he gets mad at me or his dad, it can be okay to get mad at God sometimes or to be angry about circumstances and that God will be right there holding on to us because we are his children. To which Bradley informed me, "Mom, I have never gotten mad at God about anything I have to go through."

That's when I shared, that people have told me in the past the same thing I had just told him...it is okay to get angry, but you know what? The most I've probably felt is frustrated at the circumstances, but I so whole heartedly believe that God has a great big plan....his dream....for Bradley and for all of us.

For those wanting the stories that have been written in the moments please follow these links to earlier blog posts:

His Hands are Holding Me

Amazing Grace

The Words No Mom Should Have to Hear

Life Without Food

Mommy, Am I a Special Needs Child?

The Moments Sneak Up on You

We are still going through these trials. We have good days and bad days. I have good days and bad days. There are a few people who ask about us in such a way that brings a tear to my eye....immediately asking how Bradley (because it is usually a question about him) is doing they immediately follow up with "Well, how's mom doing?" So together we have our days and apart we have our moments too.

I just thank God for all the little things he places in my life that keeps me right where I need to be with trusting in him. Today was no exception. As I went to play a Casting Crowns song, I found one I don't believe I had listened to before called "Just Be Held".



"Hold it all together, everybody needs you strong.
But life hits you out of nowhere and barely leaves you holding on.
And when you're tired of fighting chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender, lay it down and let it go."

BAM! First few words and I'm hooked because I relate so well. I have to be very purposeful in letting it go, in letting God be in control because I do work so hard to hold it all together, to be strong for everyone. I know God wants me to let go and let him, but I have to remind myself to do that all the time. Sometimes it is easier and more natural to do, but other times I have to make myself do it.

It takes me right back to those nights when I would cry myself and just let God hold me so I could get just the rest I needed to be ready for the 2 and 3 o'clock wake up screams from my baby boy. Or just to be ready to deal with all the wrappings and medications and comforting throughout the day.

So many times, especially the past year as so many co-workers in my life have gotten just a small glimpse into what our life is like as they have watched Bradley in person, I have been told "I don't see how you do all you do." Well the truth is I don't, at least not by myself. I don't carry this heavy burden alone because I have God, he carries me through and gives me just the right people and support I need when I need it.

I don't have all the answers, I don't know all there is to know about life and God, but what I do know is that without him this life I have would be a struggle I couldn't bear. I also know that just as the song shares: "Your worlds not falling apart, It's falling into place."

So what about you? Are there times in your life where you let him just hold you? Times where you paint on that smile and put up a strong front because you feel you have to be the strong one for everyone? Reflect on those times. What is your story?

Let us pray:
God, you are my strong tower. You hold me when I need holding, carry me when I need to be carried, and give me the strength and rest I need when I need it. Without your unfailing love, I could not do this. I can't do any of this alone, without you in my life. Thank you. Thank you for blessing me, for your grace, and for holding me when I need you. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 8: Growth and More Trials

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Do you ever have those days? You know, the ones where you are so tired, so weak, so ready to give up? Days where you just yearn with all your being for peace and rest?

Is it just all the little stuff that keeps piling up or some major life event? Or for that matter many life events? Days where you feel like you can just barely keep your head above water wondering when it will all end.

Think about some of those days in your life. Which ones really stick out? Now take a closer look, play it back in slow motion. Now stop. Right there....yes there. You may not have noticed it then, but God was right there the whole time. How did you get through it? Or how are you getting through it? Take some time to reflect on your story now.

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"You must, you must think I'm strong,
To give me what I'm going through.
Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong,
But this looks like more than I can do."

These words start the song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West and I can't tell you how many times this will come on and I tear up knowing that yes, I have had this conversation many times with God and at the same time realizing that He is strong enough for the both of us. He will restore us, confirm us, strengthen us, and establish us.

A couple years ago I was having a discussion with a colleague over lunch about our children. Her two children fight their own battles...I don't know all the details, but enough to know that she knows what it is like to visit various doctors all the time, face surgeries, and yet still help her children be as normal as everyone else.

Within that conversation we somehow discussed siblings and she mentioned that she really feels that God knows exactly what he is doing when he blesses us with our children. She shared that she couldn't see her sibling ever being able to really handle the special needs of her children on a daily basis.

God does give us just what we can handle. Sometimes to the point that we really start to doubt and question, because let me tell you there are those dark moments. The times when the scratching, the medical costs and doctors' visits, the not being able to go do something as a family, the avoiding of certain activities, etc. it all gets overwhelming even when you have support and relief all around. You just want a break....an extended break would be great....but even the short breaks because it is tiring and weakening. But God is right there the whole time....he is strong enough for the both of us.

I find him in the oddest of times helping to give me strength...from a song on the radio to the few precious snatched moments of giggles and smiles at just the right moment to the random "Hey I was thinking about you all last night" to "You know, you really are a calming person to be around." That last one just happened to be said to me in the midst of my "I really don't want to be here doing this job at this moment and am struggling with each moment to stay professional" days early this school year.

Let us pray:
God, Thank you for helping me to be strong when I am weak, for giving me rest when I am weary, for comforting me when I need it the most. Help me as I walk each day with you. Help me to seek you first above all else no matter what life throws at me because as long as I stay with you, I know you will help me fight, you will help me see the light. In your name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 7: Growth and Trials

In Beth Moore's book, When Godly People Do Ungodly Things: Finding Authentic Restoration in the Age of Seduction, Beth shares her thoughts on times in our life when things are going well, when they are troublesome, and why the Satan doesn't have to work quite so hard on us when we are being rebellious. You see, when we are not doing God's will, Satan can just sit back, he doesn't have to fight for us. It is when he sees us growing closer in our walk that he has to step back in. But God is always on our side and is ready to equip us with exactly what we need, he is there to teach us how to fight. We just have to keep returning to God in all circumstances.

So let us continue to examine the trials of our life. How did we react? Did we stray? Did we cling closer? What is there for us to learn from the trial and how can our sharing help others?

Take time now to reflect and prepare to share your story.
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Few people outside of my family know that I was married once before. Here's my story....

All was going right in the world, I was in my final year of college in the midst of student teaching. We were going to be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary right after my graduation. I was active in the church choir, served on one of the church committees, and even ran Vacation Bible School.

My parents had recently moved to Columbia and I was down visiting with them over my spring break. When I called my husband at the time, I could tell something wasn't quite right, but I let it go. Little did I know that while I was planning a family on my trip, my soon to be ex was planning his escape.

Once I returned home, he took a couple days, but then let me know. He moved out of the bedroom into our spare room. Anytime my mom would call I would pretend things were fine, but she knew better. She was just trying to be patient enough for me to break the news to her about whatever was troubling me. Soon I had no choice because graduation was around the corner and family would be coming. There was no way I could put up a false facade in person. So the call was made.

Over the course of the next few months as I rearranged all my plans to include moving back in with my parents and seeking a job in an unfamiliar location, I still remained active at church. Afterall, those "adopted" grandparents and others were the only people physically close to me at the time. Each weekend I made the trek to Columbia, slowly moving my stuff there.

During this time it pained me so. Sure the divorce itself was easy. We didn't have children, no real amount of debt together, and what few material possessions we had we either sold and split the money or simple grabbed what we wanted. You see the pain was in being torn between anger, confusion, and love.

This was one time in my life when I suffered a trial and while I continued to pray and believe once I got to Columbia, I did not seek out another church. I did not fellowship regularly with other Christians. I went my own way. And you know what....life was kinda easy.

God knew I was there and would be back, but the devil on the other hand. He thought he had me because he wasn't having to fight for me. I wasn't in church like I had been for the past several years. He thought he had won. Little did he know that I was going to come back fighting even stronger.

Let us pray:
God, I thank you for free will. For the freedom of choice. And also for continuing to be there even when it may not seem to others that we are walking with you. Thank you for being patient and loving when we step out. Thank you for putting the right people back in our lives, the right doors opened, so that we may find our way back to you in the midst of our brokenness. In your name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 6: Growing

"Why would God let this happen to me?" I asked from my hospital bed.

Have you ever questioned why God would allow something bad to happen to you? Have you ever been so frustrated about circumstances? Not quite understand why you have to endure hardships.

God never promised things would be easy. In fact in Romans 12:12 we are told to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Patient in affliction. He knows that we are going to have hard times in life and yet we are charged to be patient during those times. Oh how hard that can be. There are many times when life has offered its trials to me. Sometimes to the point of wanting to shout, "Hey God. Haven't I proven to you that I am yours and I will continue to turn to you in times of affliction as well as times of joy. So you can ease up on the trials now. Give me a small break." Then of course I am reminded that he is preparing me for something even greater.

While it is nice to go back to the root of our Christianity, and the planning side of me wanted to spend a certain amount of time on the happy go lucky parts, my plan is not His plan and I must follow Him. Over the next few days we are going to spend time reflecting on our trials and through that reflection see how the trials have helped us grow closer in our walk with God, stronger in our faith, and see how we can use our story to help others in their walk too.

Take some time now to reflect on some of your trials. What's your story?

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"Why would God let this happen to me? Doesn't he love me?" I asked from my hospital bed.

I'm sure I floored my mom with that question, but as a 10 year old little girl in so much pain and confusion, I didn't understand. In a whirlwind of a Christmas break 1990, not only had I been rushed to the emergency room with breathing problems that ended up with a diagnosis of asthma, I landed myself back again during the same time span only to be hospitalized.

For me, everything was so scary with the feelings never felt before, the gasping for every precious breath. For my parents I can't begin to imagine how overwhelmed they were. While I have had to rush my own sweet boy at 11 months to the hospital for his first asthma attack, I didn't have to watch what my parents did. The way my ribs would sink to the back of my chest with each breath. The rush of nurses and doctors as they began working on me. Breathing treatment after breathing treatment to get things under control. And then a few days later while I still lay in the hospital bed, still yet to even have a full night's rest, listening as I questioned why God did this to me.

I don't recall my mom's reply. As a matter of fact, the are only a few things I do remember....the way it felt to struggle to breathe, questioning God, Ms. Hardy my 5th grade teacher coming to visit, my friend Jennifer and her family visiting, having to sleep on the couch after getting home so my parents could hear my breathing from their room, my start of hating the smell and anything to do with chicken noodle soup, my new found disgust with black coffee and the smell, how to listen to my body, and worrying about the hardship we were already facing as a family and knowing that this asthma thing and hospital stay only added to that.

But I learned something important. We are going to face trials in life, but God doesn't leave us during those times. In fact, these times are ones where we must learn patience and keep praying and praising.

Let us pray:
God, Life isn't always easy. As a matter of fact sometimes it is so hard it feels almost unbearable. I thank you for these times. I ask you that you help us all to remember that we still need to seek you, pray to you, trust in you, and know that during these trials you haven't left us.In Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 5: Growing

Romans 8:28 All things work together for good to those who love God; who have been called according to his purpose.

As your seeds of faith began to grow, what was it like? Did you suddenly know your purpose in life? Did you find yourself in a whole new world not knowing what to do? What was your walk like?

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Moving around a lot is hard. Especially the older you get and the more introverted you are. As a 16 year old teenage girl who was faced with moving again and changing schools again, life was hard. It's hard enough when you don't have to do those things.

But God placed some of the right people in my path even as I clung to some who maybe God didn't really want in my path. As I've shared so many times, I don't remember a time of not believing, but there were plenty of times when I wasn't necessarily walking the right path. This time period in life is no exception. I had some great friends, but God also gave me a strength I didn't realize I had at the time. The strength to do something my friends weren't necessarily doing. The strength to go to church on my own. To show up for youth class and go on youth outings to be a part of the church choir. Of course the friends I had at the time really just got along with everyone. To look at us we were an odd group, but their acceptance of anything and everything probably was some of God's work that I never realized at the time. My being a Christian was just a part of who I was and they loved me no matter what.

Back to my story though, this wasn't the hard part. The hard part was moving....AGAIN. I begged my mom to let me find a friend to live with for my last 2 years of high school. Literally BEGGED!!!! But alas, that was never going to happen. Fortunately for me my youth pastor shared a great Bible verse in my yearbook: Romans 8:28. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew then and there that I had to accept that God was going to be right there along the way and that there was a purpose for everything that happens in life. A purpose that we may or may not ever come to understand. In the past 18 years this one verse has stuck with me and helped me through so many times, both good and bad. And all it took for me to grow as a Christian was one person strong enough to share the right scripture at the right time.

As you began your growth, your journey, did you have a specific verse or story you clung to? That you still cling to? How has it helped you to grow?

Let us pray:
Father, sometimes all it takes is one simple action to set things in motion. Thank you for those simple actions, the ones we realize and even the ones that were so small they may have gone unnoticed. As we all continue to reflect on our growth as Christians, help us to recall the times of growth...even the growing pains. God, I love you. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 4: More Seeds

Seeds require a certain amount of TLC in order to thrive, just the same as Christians. Some seeds need more space, some need more water, some need sandy soil while others like a dark rich soil, some need a lot of light and others prefer the shade. Just like the seeds of all the different plants, when the seeds of our Christian faith are being planted, each of us require slightly different levels of care in various areas of our life.

For some it takes someone pushing us along each step of the way and just being out right in our face. For others, we need the gentle some gentle guidance and if pushed too much we will turn the other way.

We learn in Matthew 13 about seeds planted along the way and how not having just the right nurturing in the right soil will result in our own demise. As we continue to reflect and learn our own story, think back on some of those seeds. Were there times in your life when seeds were being planted, but due to certain circumstances they didn't get a chance to take root? Times when maybe you were on fire for God, but only for a brief moment, times when you were on fire for God for long stretches but then something got in the way and so you quickly turned?

I ask that you take some time now to really open up and be honest with yourself. It is okay that there were times in your life when maybe our faith wasn't thriving because the right combination of seed, soil, and care just weren't there at the time. Times when maybe you started to believe, but life immediately got hard so you quit. Times when you were pushed too hard and frightened away from God.

As with every post, please feel free to share your story here in the comments.
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Being a teen is hard. There are so many expectations and influences in the world. For me, my preteen and early teen years didn't start out maybe as I had dreamed they would, but I did find a lifetime best friend during this time. Actually made quite a few friends, but one in particular was a seed planter.

At some point, not quite sure when, we started going to church together. I enjoyed being at church with her and I will always choke up and tears will well in my eyes at certain songs because all I can see is her singing to the top of her lungs with that light up the room smile and dimpled cheeks. Such love for God.

Unfortunately we drifted after we were no longer in the same school together. Sure we still spent hours on the phone and weekends with each other, but they stays weren't as often. As a matter of fact, this may be one of those times when the seeds planted weren't getting the nurturing I needed. You see, my friend who used to love a lot of the same music as I did started to only listen to country and Christian music because the other stuff was so bad. I personally felt like I was being looked down upon, judged, because I still loved to rock out to all my 80s hairbands and the rock of the 90s as well as many of the current top 40 hits. I also didn't quite get how country music was any better since there were so many songs out that also promoted the same things being promoted in other music genres. When you are 13 years old or so, you just don't see past yourself too well. So we slowly drifted apart.

Despite this drifting though, she is still one of my best friends and we can pick up the phone (or more like text and Facebook) each other without skipping a beat. As a matter of fact, I doubt she even realized how I truly felt back then and all because of something as simple as music tastes changing. I realize this was one of the times seeds were being planted and attempted to be cared for in my Christian walk, but I let worldly things and people get in the way. And irony of ironies, while I still enjoy my wide variety of music selection, I am now that person who keeps the local Christian station tuned on my radio, rocking out at Christian concerts, and beaming at hearing my children sing those Christian songs with their hands raised in praise.

Let's pray:
God, I thank you for the differences in each and every one of us. I pray that you will continue to provide us with the individualized nourishment each of us needs in order to be firmly planted in your foundation and to grow so that we may share the joy of you with others and help them come to know you. I thank you for the opportunity to reach out to others and get us sharing our stories just as you expect us to do. In your name I pray,
Amen.