Sharing my Story Day 23: Keep Making Me

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. 

1 Have mercy on me, O God, 

    according to you unfailing love;

   according to your great compassion

    blot out my transgressions.

2  Wash away all my iniquity

     and cleanse me from my sin.

3  For I know my transgressions, 

      and my sin is always before me.

4  Against you, you only, have I sinned 

    and done what is evil in your sight;

    so you are right in your verdict 

     and justified when you judge. 

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,

    sinful form the time my mother conceived me. 

6  Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;

     you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7  Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

     wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8  Let me hear joy and gladness; 

    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9  Hide your face from my sins

    and blot out all my iniquity.

10  Create in me a pure heart, O God,

      and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

11  Do not cast me from your presence 

      or take your Holy Spirit from me. 

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation

      and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, 

     so that sinners will turn back to you.

14  Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, 

     you are God my Savior,

     and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15  Open my lips, Lord,

      and my mouth will declare your praise.

16  You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

       you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

      a broken and contrite heart 

     you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion,

     to build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,

     in burnt offerings offered whole; 

     then bulls will be offered on your altar.

We serve an amazing God. One who can take each and every one of us, know us on a personal level down to the number of hairs on our head and our inner most thoughts, and he, He alone can make us into something new. I still get chills every time I sing the line "What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus." 

Over and over in that song we hear the line....nothing but the blood of Jesus. And guess what he didn't stop there. We aren't left to sit around thinking, "okay, I've been saved. Got my ticket to heaven now." Instead we are continuing to be made each and every day. Each day is a new opportunity to serve God, to follow him, and to bring others to know him. And although he doesn't want us to lose our way, our God is a loving God who realizes we may screw things up sometimes and we have to seek his forgiveness and work that much harder to stay the path and to follow him. He doesn't want any one of his flock to be left behind. 

I started this post with a Sidewalk Prophets song, "Keep Making Me"  and then followed it with Psalm 51. In the video the person who seems to be so down and out on life and just can't get anything to work out "right" finally enters a room labeled Psalm 51 and when he comes out, he is no longer a mess, but a beautiful piece of art, a lion actually, because he stopped to take the time to seek God's forgiveness, to be cleansed and set free from his transgressions. Isn't it great to know that we have a God that cares that much for us!

For me there is more to the song though. A couple years ago, the following song from Sidewalk Prophets really hit home as well. 

"I don't know where to go from here......"

"I'm done fighting....I'm finally letting go."

"I will trust in you."

"If there's a road I should walk, help me find it. 

If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.

Whatever your will, whatever your will

Can you help me find it?'

How many times have you suddenly found yourself at a loss of where to go, one moment you had no doubt and were trudging along, and then suddenly you come to a point and you just don't know where to go or what to do? How many times do we try to find our own path instead of stopping and asking God to help you find the path he needs you on or to be still and quite rushing around like a mad person trying to keep up with this earthly world. 

I've been there many times and when this song came out, I was in one of those places. This song became my prayer to God. Not much longer after that I heard the first song I posted...Keep Making Me.

"Make me broken, so I can be healed"
"Make me empty, so I can be filled"

"Make me lonely, so I can be yours"

Chorus: 'Til You are my one desire, 'til You are my one true love, 'Til You are my breath, my everything, Lord, please keep making me.

This became my next prayer and plea to God. For days on end I would sing this to the top of my lungs anytime it played on the radio and all day long in my head. Begging God to make me broken, make me empty, and make me lonely all so I could focus on Him and let Him take charge of my life instead of me trying to always be the one in control. And then of course I would have to remind myself when I was feeling broken that I begged God to make me that way so he could really step in and heal me. 

Well, guess what. Prayers like this work. I have always known God, and I've clung to him tightly and let him hold me through all Bradley and Tori and even Aubrey's health problems (Aubrey's was short lived.....couldn't seem to keep breastmilk or formula down and couldn't get started on solids until later than most), but I was still holding on to some of the control. 

Now I am not saying I am perfect or that I am even doing all God wants me to do, but that's just it. I'm still a work in progress and He is going to keep making me and for that I am in awestruck wonder and filled with such gladness. It took praying those songs over and over again and really opening myself up for God to come in and start doing the work he has been trying to do all along. I still don't know about this path I'm on right now and where it is leading, but I don't have to know. I just have to keep the faith and trust God because he has this. And guess what, as tired as I may be from time to time. This whole new level of letting God take control is exhilarating. 

I know what holds me back....my desires to be in control and to plan. What holds you back? Or what helped you to finally let go and let God? 

Let us pray:

God, thank you for not giving up on us. I can't wait to see what you have in store for our lives once we not only accept your Son Jesus Christ as our Savior, but as we learn to let go and let You take control. As we learn to listen and to follow you. It has been a whirlwind of a year so far, but knowing that you are not finished making me yet excites me about the future. I have a joy that is unspeakable and a life that only you are big enough to have dreamed for me. Thank you! Amen.