Here I Go Again.

·        Here I go again...stepping out into the unknown, getting out of my comfort zone. Or am I? Afterall, I teach everyday. I work with other adults and facilitate learning everyday. But this, this is different. Since I got that email a little over a year ago to become part of the i-reach team which basically is a team focused on Evangelism, I have been stepping into unknown territory or at least somewhat uncomfortable territory. 

You see I like to know exactly what I'm doing, when I'm doing it. I like there to be a plan and I like to know as much as I possibly can. But when it comes to evangelism and discipleship, I am not as well versed. But God has plans for me and has placed me on a path that I am walking down blindly. You know what though? He is right there with me the entire way. When I stepped out and up a few months ago and led a small group study on telling your story, there were nights when I had well versed plans for the evening and we didn't do not one thing in the plan. There were other nights when I had no plan until right at that moment and it turned out to be exactly what God needed it to be. Kind of reminds me of the reason why TobyMac wrote the song Steal my Show. You see I am walking blindly into areas I've never known, but God has this. He's right there with me as long as I rely on Him to "steal my show". 

     So what did I get myself into? While sitting at church council meeting a gentleman mentioned something about needing teachers for new classes and then specifically hinted to me using my name. After some prayer and knowing that not only am I part of the church's new evangelism team, but the chairperson, I sent in a description for a group to learn about evangelism and discipleship. Two very scary words to Christians, right? 

     Yes, but they are so important if we are to be true followers of Christ. 

   
Jesus not only called each and everyone one of us to follow Him, but he also charged us with going out to make disciples of all nations. 

   
He didn't say, "Okay, everyone who is a pastor, here is your job. Now everyone else, just sit back and just believe in me." 

  

      No, He expects everyday people like you and me to go out and spread the good news, share our stories, and lead others to Him. He expects us to continue to grow in our own faith.

But what does all that really mean? Where do I start? What if people laugh at me? Reject me? Quit liking me? Judge me? Ask me questions I don't have answers to?

     I don't have all the answers to the questions. I don't even have all the questions, but here is what I do know: 

•      It means, you can't just accept Christ as your Savior and repent of your sins, you've got to do something.
•      You must start somewhere (and I'm going to try to help)
•      And all those other questions have a theme....a central word: ME. Guess what! It's not about ME. Me is selfish and we are not called to be selfish and only look out for ourselves. Instead we must realize it is expected of us to share the love of Jesus Christ with everyone. We are expected to plant the seeds of his word, his works. You have to ask yourself how much you have to hate someone to not share about Jesus. Think of it this way, if you are driving down the road and go around a curve where a tree had just fallen. Would you stop your car and warn the drivers coming from the other direction before their car goes crashing into that tree or flying over the cliff to avoid the tree or do you just stand there and watch as the cars drive towards imminent doom?

      So here I am, once again diving in because that is apparently what I'm getting good at. And while I won't post nightly like I did for telling your story, I will post regularly to get you thinking. Some of this will come from the UMC Director of Evangelism Ministries: Rev. Heather Heinzman Lear. Others will come from various readings and workshops I attend and still others may grow out of questions that are raised in small group studies. 

     

      I hope you will join me as I begin yet another journey in my life story.

      Let's get started by asking ourselves a few questions: 

•    When people ask you to tell them about yourself, what’s the first thing you usually share?
• What are the things that most define you: your family, locale, education, career, possessions?
•  Where you place “Child of God” on that list?
•  Are there priorities in your life that keep you from claiming the primary identity given to you at baptism?
•   What are you so busy “storing up” that you lose focus on God?

     For me, it depends on where I am, who I'm with. When I talk about myself I usually mention my job and my family. Rarely do I mention that I'm a Christian or share where I attend church. My life centers on my family, career, and church, but my conversations with others don't always reflect that. As for "Child of God", it is so easy to place that first on my list in my head and even on bio pages for things like Twitter, but in conversation, it doesn't typically come up. So I must ask myself, why is that? How can I change that?

     So what am I so busy "storing up"? What causes me to lose my focus on God? Work. Family to a small degree, but mostly work. It is so easy to lose focus on God while working because I get so frustrated about things I can't change, things I can't control, things that simply are not fair, and on and on and on. This is an area that I know needs the most work because I can lose my focus quickest there. 

      The great thing though is that we have this AWESOME God who is there with us every step of the way. You might ask how I know this? I know this because He has been there throughout my lifestory. I can find very specific times in my life where He is right there and because of my faith, I know that He is even there when I can't "see" him. My faith also gives me the strength to keep stepping out onto the unknown path to follow God where He is leading. 

      Check out what is says about faith in Hebrews 11: 

Faith in Action1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 2 This is what the ancients were commended for.
3 By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.4 By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.5 By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.”[a] For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.7 By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 11 And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she[b]considered him faithful who had made the promise. 12 And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance,admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one.Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a cityfor them.17 By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18 even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”[c] 19 Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.21 By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.22 By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his bones.23 By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.
29 By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.31 By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.[d]32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak,Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames,and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength;and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning;[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins,destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, 40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

All these examples of faith in just one chapter of the Bible. So when I ask, "why me?" I must remember to ask myself, "why not?" We are each called according to our purpose, so we must have faith that there is reason and we must remember that Jesus told us to follow Him and to go forth and make disciples of all nations. As we take this journey together, we are going to reflect on questions, read scripture, and learn ways that we can do just as Jesus commands us. 

Part of your journey may be to share your stories with others. In other words, use your story to connect with someone else who may benefit from hearing your story, not your advice, but your story. Over the next few days think about it. Think about your story, your victories, and struggles. Now think about those around you---at work, in your neighborhood, or anyone else you encountered during the week. Is there someone who could benefit from hearing your story? Is God calling you to offer your experiences of God's faithfulness to encourage another in their journey? 

Let us pray:
Lord, Help me to turn away from being so selfish in my thoughts when it comes to sharing you with others. Help me learn to see those opportunities you give us to share about your love and grace. Help me to speak the words that need to be said. Help me to continue to have faith in all that you do, even when I cannot see any reason, any benefit. Lord, please steal my show because that is what I need from you. In your son's name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Compilation

Below you will find a link to 30 days of sharing my story. Please pray with me that we all continue to learn our story and become confident in sharing our story with others. For the month of October, I will most likely move into sharing scripture and just writing my personal thoughts about it. I would love to hear what verses help you get through each of your days.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: Beginnings

Day 3: Seeds

Day 4: More Seeds

Day 5: Growing

Day 6: Growing

Day 7: Growth and Trials

Day 8: Growth and More Trials

Day 9: Hold On, Let Go, Trials and More Trials

Day 10: What's in Store?

Day 11: Obstacles

Day 12: Accepting Christ

Day 13: Music

Day 14: Reaching Out

Day 15: Work in Progress

Day 16: Getting You Ready

Day 17: Learning to Follow

Day 18: Fears

Day 19: Strength

Day 20: We Are Clay

Day 21: Awestruck

Day 22: Plans

Day 23: Keep Making Me

Day 24: War

Day 25: War

Day 26: Knocked Down

Day 27: Growing in Faith

Day 28: Time

Day 29: Victory

Day 30: Leaving My Comfort Zone

Sharing my Story Day 30: Leaving My Comfort Zone

Wow! What started as a challenge for myself started our quite easily, then became hard, then became easy again. And now, here I am at the end of the challenge. A whole month of posts Sharing My Story. Telling others about God's work in my life or about how they can have God in their life too.

Tonight I went to my daily devotionals for inspiration and ironically it was all about the Challenge.

Isaiah 50:7 Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like fling, and I know I will not be put to shame.

Psalm 37: 5-6 Commit your way to the Lord...trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun ] the noonday.

The devotional says, "Leave your comfort zone and move out into new territory on behalf of God's kingdom. You grow in Christ when you do something for God beyond what you've already mastered. You sense God's presence with you in personal and intimate ways.

When you attempt something difficult for God, you discover God's resources. For instance, if you make a witness speech in church even though that makes you uncomfortable, you discover abilities previously unknown to you. It is not necessary to wait until you think you are ready to do something for God. Do it, and God will make you ready. Nobody would have heard of Saint George if he had slain a dragonfly instead of a dragon.

Dear God, disturb me when I am too pleased with what I do for you. Amen"

What a devotion for today after a few months and especially this past month of stepping so completely out of my comfort zone all for God. Did I think I was ready....yeah right. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other and kept focused on God's work and He gave me everything I needed. When I was tired and had absolutely no idea what to write, he guided my fingers across the keys and let the thoughts flow. When I focused on listening to God throughout the day so I would know what to write that night, He would send me just the right song, story, or person to spark the idea. But I would not have been able to do God's work this past month without leaning on him and holding on to my faith.

So what is it that you keep putting off? What is stopping you from taking that first step? It's time to trust God and take that leap of faith. He will give you what you need, so go ahead. Step out of your comfort zone and do His work.

Although the month is over and I probably won't post everyday, I will continue to share my story and I want you to do the same. As with so many things in life, when God's in it, then it's not over. Telling my story isn't over. It's only the beginning.

Before I go, I ask that you think about your relationship with God. What story will you share with others? Have you accepted God for yourself? If you haven't, maybe that is the step you need to take. It doesn't matter how much baggage you come with or how unworthy or unready you feel. God sent His Son to die for you and to set you free from it all. It's okay if you haven't been to church or have never picked up a Bible. It doesn't say in the Bible that you must have it memorized in order to find salvation. God will take care of the details, you just need to take the step. He's calling you now. He wants to set you free.

Let us pray,

Lord I thank you for laying it on my heart to take on this challenge of telling my story and helping others to tell theirs. It has been so rewarding and although I wasn't sure I was ready for it, I took that step. I had faith that you would lead me every step of the way. I thank you for being there just like you promised. Ultimately I thank you for your Son who died for a sinner like me. Lord, tonight I pray that we all find our voice to share our stories with others. I pray that those who do not know you find their way to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 29: Victory

Music is a large part of my life. I cannot play an instrument....although one day I would love to learn to play piano and guitar.  I sing because I can't just sit and listen to music. But I LOVE music. It gets me through the each and every day. It gets me through each and every season.

While I love listening to a wide variety of music, my new fave is Contemporary Christian. However, I still love my traditional hymns. Songs like Amazing Grace, I'll Fly Away, I Shall Not Be Moved, Lord of the Dance, No Tears in Heaven, When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, This Little Light of Mine, Jesus Loves Me, and on and on and on. I can't really say I have a favorite as I can start singing one then find myself in the middle of another one without knowing how I even got there.

The hymn I am going to focus on though is Victory in Jesus. You see I have found that victory. Jesus won the victory for me. He won it for you too. He is my Savior FOREVER! He paid such a high price all so I could be with Him again one day in Heaven. He has always loved me and he has cleansed me so that I am white as snow.

For this, and this alone, I hold to my faith. Because he paid such a price. It is really quite overwhelming to know that someone loves me and you that much. So much that he seeks you out and bought you with his own blood.

So, tonight, I do not really share a story. I simply leave you to think about the songs that affect your life. What songs speak to you? Which ones do you see yourself in? Which ones can take you back to a particular season and make it feel as if you are right back there in that moment? What songs must you sing to the top of your lungs because of how it makes you feel deep inside?

Let us pray:
Lord, I thank you for music. I thank you for your Son. I thank you for your grace. I thank you for blessings. In Your Son's name I pray. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 28: Time

For everything there is a season, a time. Some seasons may be harder to deal with than others, but we have to go through those rough seasons to get to the better ones. God has appointed all these times and seasons. He is in control!

Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2            a time to be born and a time to die,
              a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3            a time to kill and a time to heal,
              a time to tear down and a time to build,
4           a time to weep and a time to laugh,
             a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5           a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
             a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6           a time to search and a time to give up,
             a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7           a time to tear and a time to mend,
             a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8           a time to love and a time to hate,
             a time for war and a time for peace.

Look around you at the world God created. You can see His mighty hand in everything. And everything you see has its own season. Think about it, you don't go to bring in the harvest in spring, because that is not its time. In spring it is time to plant, harvesting will come later.

In the book of Ecclesiastes we learn over and over again, that to seek worldly pleasures and gains, will not bring us ultimate happiness. In fact the only way to find personal meaning and happiness is through God. Temporary pleasures are just that....temporary.

But here's what I am learning to realize, where we are in our relationship with God, in our faith impacts these seasons in our lives greatly. You see, when I simply believed and didn't exactly follow or when I chose to try to hold on to as much control as possible, then those negative times were that much harder.

You see when my faith was just there, but I didn't practice it, when I didn't rely on it, when I didn't use it, then I had a harder time with mourning, with war, with tears, giving up, and hate. But you see, now as my faith is stronger and I rely on it and put it straight to use, my seasons of what use to be the harder times, really aren't that hard. They aren't as hard because God is right here with me.

When I was younger I used to blubber at funerals (even ones where I hardly knew the person). Tears would roll freely down my face and I would go through several tissues and look like a puffy eyed mess after. Now, even at the funerals where I thought I would cry the most and hardest, I didn't. For a moment, I would think I must have grown cold and callous, how could I not cry my eyes out. But then I realized, it has to do with where I am in my walk with God. So while it hurts me and is sad to lose a loved one, I really don't dwell on the mourning side for too long. Instead I am so joyful that my loved one is now free from this earthly world and that they are now celebrating with Jesus.

So why don't you join me in this peace? You can have it too and it makes each season so much easier to live through than if you are trying to go it alone. God wants you to call on him, He wants you to admit your sins, afterall, He didn't send his Son to save just a select few. He sent his Son to die on a cross for all our sins so that we may all come to know God and one day enjoy eternal life with Him.

Let us pray,
Lord, I thank you for each season in my life. The tough ones help to make me stronger and help to make sure I keep close to you in my times of need. The joyful times help me to realize and rejoice over the many blessings you have given. Lord, I know I am far from perfect, but I try every day to become better at following you and being the person you know I can be. In Christ's name I pray. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 27: Growing in Faith

As I listened tonight to my sweet Tori scream her head off for 10 straight minutes while she was in the bath tub. Her skin has started flaring up again and today was not good. It has been a long time since showers and baths have been painful for her, but tonight broke that streak. As her mom it is so hard to make her sit in a bath that you know is beyond painful, yet you know it is a must on the road to healing.

A few hours later I had to listen to Bradley with his own tears....his skin looks horrible again so I made him do a wet wrap and will make him do this for the next several nights. We also started back on the regimen of bleach baths at least once a week that help to keep infection lower.

These times are so draining....physically, mentally, and emotionally. However I cling to my faith.

I also can't help but thing of our Father and our Savior. When our Father sent his son to earth, He had a purpose....a reason. The reason came when Jesus took the nails for each and every one of us, when he was crucified. Even Jesus cried out to His Father, but His Father had to allow him to suffer, to endure a pain unimaginable all so that we could be saved. He had to go through the pain to get to the glory waiting on the other side.

Jesus died and took on our sins so that he may save us and so that we may have eternal life.

It is because of the pain he endured for me, that I am saved. It is also why I hold on to my faith because after the storm, there is going to be a glorious day. Whatever life is throwing your way, the storm will pass. But while you are in the middle of the storm, you can still find comfort. You don't have to go through it alone. God is right there beside you, he wants you to call on him and draw on him. He and only he can give you the comfort and peace you seek.

I know all this, not because it is in the Bible, but also because as I grow stronger in my faith with each new storm, the storm is that much more bearable. I don't carry the burdens alone or by just relying on earthly shoulders; as a matter of fact I don't even carry the burden because God is right there for me. He stills my raging soul when I have to apply painful medicines to my childrens' skin and when I have to wrap them tightly. He gives me the peace to sleep each night so that I may be ready to get through tomorrow. And he gives me the sunny days just at the right moments. And it is all through my faith in Christ Jesus and in God the Father that grows stronger every day that helps me get through.

You can know this peace and comfort too once you find your way back to the Father if you have wandered away. You can also know this peace and comfort once you accept Jesus as your risen Savior, admit that you know he died for your sins because you are a sinner and you want to be forgiven. So open up your heart and let Him in, he's there knocking, open the door.

Let us pray
Lord, I will never quite understand why my kids must endure what they do, but I know that you want me to keep my faith and I will. I will continue to grow stronger in my faith and grow closer to you. Please help me with each step I take. Thank you for never leaving my side. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 26: Knocked Down

There are always going to be ups and downs throughout our life and in our present moments. Today is no exception, but God's got this.

My story will not be long this time, but it will be focused on keeping the faith even when it seems like everything is going wrong. This year has seen its fair share of downs and it seems that it isn't over quite yet.

Mark, my husband, works for a subsidiary of Blue Cross Blue Shield. The section he works for is under a government contract. In the 20 plus years since its development, his company has been the only one to successfully win the government contract every time it is up for renewal. Last year, when it was bid on, they didn't receive any news. They have been waiting for the better part of a year to find out whether they won. For the first time in over 20 years, his company lost the contract. The winning company outbid them by proposing they could get the job done for about $30 million less. The irony of it all....Mark just had his annual review and received his highest percentage raise since starting work for this company over 12 years ago.

The good news is we have a little time before this all takes affect. Mark also has been with the company for a number of years and his reviews have always been good. He and others he works with will have priority to jobs within the larger parent company. My prayers are that this will be a smooth transition to someplace else within the company. We've been battling insurance for so long and I just don't want to start over. Not to mention that his insurance costs hundreds less than what would be taken out of my pay for the family. I know God may have other plans, but I pray that those plans are simply to move within the company for now.

While it feels like the waves keep crashing all around me though, I will hold strong to my faith. I will seek God and trust in him through it all. Things are going to get easier, but we must first deal with these hard times. You see, God's love "never fails and never gives up and never runs out on me." And "deep inside I know enough to cry out....God I'm tired of fighting this fight.....but I'm not running away...Tonight, I'm gonna fix my eyes on the only hope who satisfies my heart, You are the One I'm running to."

God's got this! God's got this! God's got this! And for that I am so thankful. I believe that he has started something great in my life and I know he is going to see it through!

Let us pray:
God, I do not know the plans you have for me, but I trust that you have your reasons. There is a purpose. I am running to you and I will hold on to you all the tighter as we go through this time in our lives. Lord, I also pray that those who don't know you will open up their hearts and start to listen for your voice, especially as they go through challenges in this life that seem overwhelming. I pray that others find you and feel the great peace you give to all your children. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 25: Now

The last few posts have been more focused on the now, not reflections of the past, but sharing my story as it is right now. Because you see, I believe that our lifesong is made up of several stories along the way and we have to learn which story to share at what time. We started this journey 25 days ago, can you believe it's already been that long? When we started, the focus was on reflecting back....finding those times in your life where you see God's work, but if we are to keep moving forward, then we must also be attuned to the present.

What is happening for you right now? Can you see God working in your life? Are you allowing him to take over and lead as you follow? Do you hear him calling your name, but don't know what to do or are too afraid to answer?

God's not done with you yet.

Throughout the course of the month so far, I've shared various times in my life and how God has impacted those times whether I was aware of it at the moment or only just realized it this month. I've also shared that I have always believed, but didn't necessarily always attend church or follow God's plan for me.

In 1998 or 1999, I began attending Faith United Methodist Church in Greer, SC. It was a small church and I gained many grandparents there. I started attending because I was planning to get married there...and I did. I started singing in the choir again, had my own Vacation Bible School class and then ended up planning the whole thing once or twice. I was even on a committee (don't recall which one though). While life was busy with a full time job, full time college, and being married, I still remained active in the church. Actually attending church and being in choir made my weeks less crazy and I was energized. Well that all changed in 2002. That was when my ex decided he was leaving me and I ended up moving to Columbia.

One thing I didn't do was seek out another church to join. As a matter of fact, I didn't really step foot back in church again until 6 years ago in September or October of 2008 when Tori was a baby. I started going to Platt Springs UMC because my mentor teacher and friend attends there. She and the Friends in Christ class welcomed me with open arms. I loved the Sunday School class....we focused on so many different things, studied songs....I distinctly remember a study starting centered on Casting Crowns songs. But I guarded myself.

I wanted desperately to be more involved because that was about the time that Bradley's health problems magnified and Tori was showing signs of similar problems. Life was overwhelming at times and I felt like there was never enough time. When I thought back on my life, I realized the times in my life when I was attending Sunday School, church service, and choir practice were actually the times I seemed to have more energy to get it all done. Also more peace.

Unfortunately I allowed outside, earthly situations to come between me and God. I had greatly disappointed one person in my life because I at some point had promised that I would look for a church with them and instead had sought out one on my own. I honestly don't recall making that statement, but I may have. So I attended church, but I did so carefully. I wanted family to see that the kids and I would still be able to do everything we always did and that is where I let go. I began only attending church sporadically, once I started teaching Sunday School I would only show up on Sundays when I had to teach and then duck out of church before service. All to show that church wasn't taking up all my time and taking me away.

Every once in a while I would hear that a church member was asking about me so I would make sure to pop my head back in to service a few times, then slowly started sliding out again.

This happened off and on from 2008 to 2012. During those 4 years, I desperately wanted to join the choir, but didn't want to put any extra work on family. Plus I wasn't going to invite myself to choir. I had been invited to join back in 2009, but because of graduate school and classes, I didn't join...also the extra work thing. I had also started praying to God to show me what he wanted from me. Well, show me he did. The Sunday school class I had been teaching with 2 other ladies took a turn. At first I was being asked more and more to cover Sundays, then I got the call. One of the ladies had decided to no longer teach. Well it was only a matter of a couple weeks before the other lady stopped too.

So here I was suddenly the sole person responsible for my Sunday School class....and to add icing on the cake, for some reason I always had the most kids show up. The other two classes would have 2 or 3 kids and I would have close to 10. So here I was teaching Sunday School every week and starting to go to services once in a while.....(i.e. If my children were with me and not with a grandparent).

Not quite sure how things changed, but I did get better about attending every Sunday for both Sunday School and service.

Fast forward to now, suddenly I find myself not only on a newly created committee, but the chairperson of that committee, I lead a Wednesday night group, I have committed myself to this blog every night for the month of September, and apparently being chairperson also means I get to be on church council as the representative for my committee. Talk about a drastic change.

But why is this story so significant. Remember I said I suddenly found myself as the sole Sunday School teacher for my class back in 2012? Well that was over 2 years ago now since that happened and it was only last night that I learned more of my story based on God's work in another person's story. The lady who first stopped teaching Sunday School with me was in my Wednesday group last night and our discussion came around to not quite knowing what God has in store for us and she spoke up.

Did you know that she struggled with giving up her role as a teacher with the class I have? She said, God kept telling her to schedule me more Sundays and she did, but then she realized that she wasn't getting to teach as much. She said she didn't want to give up any of it, but that God was pushing her too. She said she also noticed that as long as I was scheduled, I would come and if I wasn't....well, I already told you that part.

Now a little over two years later, she is starting to see God's plan for all of that. She pointed out all that I am now doing and she also shared her story. She is going to start teaching Sunday School for the Nehemiah children. She is so excited about this opportunity and realize it was God's work all along preparing her for this time.

I share all this with you because God has a plan for all of us. We may not understand the events leading up to it, but suddenly we find ourselves in a position and when we look back we can see God's work all over the place. Isn't it great that God loves each and every one of us? That he has dreams for who he wants us to be in his kingdom. Isn't it great that though his sheep may stray, he is going to find them and bring them back in?

Tonight as I sat in my very first church council meeting wondering how on earth did I get here and how did I get myself into this, I couldn't help but see that God has known all along. Now I have no clue what the future holds, but I can definitely see that He has some pretty high expectations for me.

So I go back to last night's post...I prayed for a long time for God to make me empty, to make me broken, and to make me lonely all so I can fill myself with Him. He is certainly working on all that and more.

I leave you tonight with the prayer we ended our meeting with and a song that won't leave my mind, but my story is still being written and I want God to write that story. As the song says "My life, I know it's never really been mine, so do with it whatever you like. I don't know what your plan is, but I know it's good."

Wesleyan Covenant Prayer

I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will,
Rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing,
put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You
or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You
or brought low for you.
Let me be full,
Let me be empty.
Let me have all things,
Let me have nothing.
I freely and wholeheartedly
Yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.

And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant now made on earth,
Let it be ratified in Heaven.

Amen

Sharing my Story Day 24: War

So, it looks like this focus on sharing my story (and hopefully getting you to share your story or at least reflect and try to figure out yours) has taken a mind of its own so to speak. The past few postings I realize it has become a focus on the fact that we need to get to know Christ as our Savior and that if we already have that, then we need to go out and be disciples, be fishers of men to bring others in to know Christ as well.

The postings for this month came from my starting a Wednesday night group at church focused on telling our story, sharing God's work in our life. Well that group can be so emotional, so thought provoking, and so energizing. What happens in that small classroom each Wednesday leaves me speechless and at the same time wanting to just sing His praises up and down. That spark gets fanned and those flames burn higher and higher to shine that light for the Lord.

Tonight was no exception. We wound our way down a path that I certainly did not plan and you know what? That's okay. As Toby Mac's song says "If you want to steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go, If You've got something to say, go on and take it away." And that is what I sincerely pray, is for God to steal the show and take us where we need to go.

Our writing, has really turned in to sharing and story telling of the verbal kind. Sure there are moments of silence, but it never reaches that awkward silence because at just the right moment someone will speak out and we are off again. I thank God he gave me the ability to let the silence hang on the air instead of feeling like I should fill every moment with sound. If I did, we would not travel down the paths we go.

Tonight's path was no different. We started by sharing scripture that we hold on to and many of us shared why or the story behind it. Somewhere along the way some of us had out our phones looking things up and sharing. We talked about prayer and how "No" is an answer whether we like it or not. We talked about struggle and just how much God will or will not put on us. We even talked about all the different groups out there and beliefs that are held by people when it comes to religion.

It is this path that leads me to tonight's post. Not so much my story about "war", but the a sharing that we are in a war. We are Christian soldiers and we are going to be faced with battles throughout our lives.

1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

No matter what battle we are facing, we must keep the faith. Hold tight to the promise of the eternal life that awaits us. It is going to be hard sometimes. There are people out there who have no believe in any religion whatsoever....we live, we die, end of story. There are people who believe there is something, but don't really care so much about the details. There are people who believe and follow practices that would make our skin crawl. There are people out there preying on young, still developing minds and isolating them from all they know in effort to get them to believe exactly as they do. The list could go on and on and on. But hold true to this, God calls on us to testify the good news of God's grace. He calls us to repent, believe, confess, follow. He calls us to testify to others....including all those different types of people that believe all those different things. It isn't going to be easy and some days we will walk away from a battle so weak and tired we wonder how we can keep moving forward. Other days those battles are going to be victories that gives us such hope and renewed energy that we are going to shout it from the moutain tops.

The great thing about all these battles....GOD is with us. He is bigger than any battle we face. There are going to be times that we feel too weak, but there is a purpose. If we were strong enough on our own to get through everything, then would we really turn to and rely on God? So yes, we are going to be weak so that we can learn to rely on His strength. He will be there in the end. Are you going to be able to say that you have fought the good fight, finished the race, and through it all kept your faith?


Those battles are going to be found all over and include anyone....believers and nonbelievers, friends, foes, family, and complete strangers. Are you prepared? What's your story?Think about the battles you have already fought. Where was God? Can you find him? Did you lean on him? Have you stepped out of your comfort zone, put on your armor as a Christian soldier, and faced the battle before you?

Let us pray,
Lord, Every minute of everyday there are struggles. Struggles that can bring us closer to you or push us farther away. Lord, help us to be more faithful in turning to you, to put our faith in you as we battle here on Earth. You sent your Son to save us so that we might have eternal life. Thank you. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 23: Keep Making Me

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. 

1 Have mercy on me, O God, 

    according to you unfailing love;

   according to your great compassion

    blot out my transgressions.

2  Wash away all my iniquity

     and cleanse me from my sin.

3  For I know my transgressions, 

      and my sin is always before me.

4  Against you, you only, have I sinned 

    and done what is evil in your sight;

    so you are right in your verdict 

     and justified when you judge. 

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,

    sinful form the time my mother conceived me. 

6  Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;

     you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7  Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

     wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8  Let me hear joy and gladness; 

    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9  Hide your face from my sins

    and blot out all my iniquity.

10  Create in me a pure heart, O God,

      and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

11  Do not cast me from your presence 

      or take your Holy Spirit from me. 

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation

      and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, 

     so that sinners will turn back to you.

14  Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, 

     you are God my Savior,

     and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15  Open my lips, Lord,

      and my mouth will declare your praise.

16  You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

       you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

      a broken and contrite heart 

     you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion,

     to build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,

     in burnt offerings offered whole; 

     then bulls will be offered on your altar.

We serve an amazing God. One who can take each and every one of us, know us on a personal level down to the number of hairs on our head and our inner most thoughts, and he, He alone can make us into something new. I still get chills every time I sing the line "What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus." 

Over and over in that song we hear the line....nothing but the blood of Jesus. And guess what he didn't stop there. We aren't left to sit around thinking, "okay, I've been saved. Got my ticket to heaven now." Instead we are continuing to be made each and every day. Each day is a new opportunity to serve God, to follow him, and to bring others to know him. And although he doesn't want us to lose our way, our God is a loving God who realizes we may screw things up sometimes and we have to seek his forgiveness and work that much harder to stay the path and to follow him. He doesn't want any one of his flock to be left behind. 

I started this post with a Sidewalk Prophets song, "Keep Making Me"  and then followed it with Psalm 51. In the video the person who seems to be so down and out on life and just can't get anything to work out "right" finally enters a room labeled Psalm 51 and when he comes out, he is no longer a mess, but a beautiful piece of art, a lion actually, because he stopped to take the time to seek God's forgiveness, to be cleansed and set free from his transgressions. Isn't it great to know that we have a God that cares that much for us!

For me there is more to the song though. A couple years ago, the following song from Sidewalk Prophets really hit home as well. 

"I don't know where to go from here......"

"I'm done fighting....I'm finally letting go."

"I will trust in you."

"If there's a road I should walk, help me find it. 

If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.

Whatever your will, whatever your will

Can you help me find it?'

How many times have you suddenly found yourself at a loss of where to go, one moment you had no doubt and were trudging along, and then suddenly you come to a point and you just don't know where to go or what to do? How many times do we try to find our own path instead of stopping and asking God to help you find the path he needs you on or to be still and quite rushing around like a mad person trying to keep up with this earthly world. 

I've been there many times and when this song came out, I was in one of those places. This song became my prayer to God. Not much longer after that I heard the first song I posted...Keep Making Me.

"Make me broken, so I can be healed"
"Make me empty, so I can be filled"

"Make me lonely, so I can be yours"

Chorus: 'Til You are my one desire, 'til You are my one true love, 'Til You are my breath, my everything, Lord, please keep making me.

This became my next prayer and plea to God. For days on end I would sing this to the top of my lungs anytime it played on the radio and all day long in my head. Begging God to make me broken, make me empty, and make me lonely all so I could focus on Him and let Him take charge of my life instead of me trying to always be the one in control. And then of course I would have to remind myself when I was feeling broken that I begged God to make me that way so he could really step in and heal me. 

Well, guess what. Prayers like this work. I have always known God, and I've clung to him tightly and let him hold me through all Bradley and Tori and even Aubrey's health problems (Aubrey's was short lived.....couldn't seem to keep breastmilk or formula down and couldn't get started on solids until later than most), but I was still holding on to some of the control. 

Now I am not saying I am perfect or that I am even doing all God wants me to do, but that's just it. I'm still a work in progress and He is going to keep making me and for that I am in awestruck wonder and filled with such gladness. It took praying those songs over and over again and really opening myself up for God to come in and start doing the work he has been trying to do all along. I still don't know about this path I'm on right now and where it is leading, but I don't have to know. I just have to keep the faith and trust God because he has this. And guess what, as tired as I may be from time to time. This whole new level of letting God take control is exhilarating. 

I know what holds me back....my desires to be in control and to plan. What holds you back? Or what helped you to finally let go and let God? 

Let us pray:

God, thank you for not giving up on us. I can't wait to see what you have in store for our lives once we not only accept your Son Jesus Christ as our Savior, but as we learn to let go and let You take control. As we learn to listen and to follow you. It has been a whirlwind of a year so far, but knowing that you are not finished making me yet excites me about the future. I have a joy that is unspeakable and a life that only you are big enough to have dreamed for me. Thank you! Amen.