Leading? Again?

Leadership. You would think by now, I would simply accept that no matter where I am in life, I find myself in leadership roles. High school found me as president of Mu Alpha Theta and Assistant Manager at Little Caesars. College found me an officer of Mu Alpha Theta (and even just getting it started) and Lladro specialist in the fine china and crystal department at Rich's. A short break of just a few years and then I found myself on leadership teams at school and then my current role of an instructional facilitator. In education I have been through Foundations of School Leadership as well as doctoral level classes on educational and instructional leadership. Then, just when I am seeking God's plan for me and trying to do better at following His plan versus my plan, I once again find myself in leadership. Leadership that began as a new team and has lead to my attendance at my first church focused leadership development training.

Now to simply trust God and to let go so that His plans can play out. I do not know the plans He has for me, but He knows. As a matter of fact, of all areas of leadership in the work of the church and of sharing the love of Jesus Christ, I have been called into Evangelism. Yikes! Scary word right? I mean after all, what images do you conjure up when you hear that word?

Do you picture the great Evangelists on TV? The people walking door to door pushing into your home with tracts asking you if you know Jesus Christ, if you've been saved, and if not walking you through a step-by-step on how to become saved? People shouting at you on the street corner? People judging you?

Guess what! That's not what it is or has to be. Thank GOD because I don't know how I could ever do any of those things.

Check out Luke 4:18-19:
The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
     because he has anointed me
     to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives
   and recover sight for the blind,
   to set at liberty those who are oppressed
   to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

What do you notice? Do you see the word me? In this passage it is clearly spelled out that God has put it upon us to bring others to Christ. He empowers us through the Holy Spirit to do this work. In short, Evangelism is working to relate people to God so that they may begin an intentional relationship with Jesus Christ. And it doesn't stop there. No, we must go beyond bringing others to know Christ. In effective Evangelism, we need to lead people into a lifelong journey.

Did you notice anything in Luke 4:18-19 that said I have to go door to door? That you have to go door to door? Did you notice anything that said I have to do this alone? That you have to do this alone? NO!

So what is this Evangelism that I speak of? Why am I so excited to become a leader in yet another thing? Add something more to my plate? Because it is not "another thing" and while evangelism is consuming work, it isn't necessarily more on my plate. Instead it should be the main focus on my plate.

In Matthew 4:19 Jesus calls, "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men."

In Matthew 28:19 we are then charged to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

It is not another thing on my plate because all along it should have been and should be THE thing on my plate.

But why me? Why not the pastor? Why not the lay leaders? Why me?

Because bringing others to Jesus Christ is the responsibility of each of us. It is not just for the select few. We can all be Evangelists and what better time than now. We have to go beyond building up memberships in church. We need to grow disciples.

But I don't have the qualifications, you say. Who says? I ask.

I'll be the first to tell you I don't know all there is to know about Christianity or even the Bible, but what I do know are the essentials.

So here I find myself in this whole new world of leadership in the area of Evangelism. A world that I am excited to enter, yet fearful at the same time. I have so many ideas, yet so few. A world that makes me silently question how an introvert like me who thrives on my alone time, my books and other readings, and my processing time could possibly do this work that God has called me to do. Yet here I am and I know that God will be right there with me the entire time. I just have to trust and let Him work through me.

This afternoon Rev. Jeffrey Salley broke it all down to 3 areas of focus for effective evangelism:
1. Tell the Good News
2. Bear Witness
3. Proclaim

Yes, three simple steps starting with sharing THE Good News. There is so much bad, so much negative in the world (and guess what inside our church walls too). Think about it, when was the last time you heard good news? Shared good news? Try sharing some good news with someone in person and pay attention to how you felt and how the other person felt hearing that good news. Now multiply this feeling and that is what you will get when you share THE good news. Remember that great song you possibly sang as a child, "Jesus Loves Me." Share that news. Let others know that Jesus loves them no matter what they are going through. Look back at Luke 4:18-19. It doesn't say go find the happy, rich people and share the good news. Notice the words: poor, blind, oppressed, captives (and this will include those who are sad, happy, rich, poor, it includes everyone). We are to share the good news with everyone!

Bear witness. Share how God has worked in your life. Share your story. For the entire month of September 2014, I blogged stories. Here is the link to those: Sharing my Story Compilation. Part of witnessing is listening to others, what is their story? How does your story relate? Make the connections, build the relationship with those you are witnessing to.

Then take it right back to the Gospel. Share Jesus words, deeds, etc.

And ultimately, be patient. Evangelism is patient work. Know that it is okay if you are only the planter of the seed. I know, that is sometimes easier said than done, but I also wonder if that is why God has called me into this particular area of church leadership. I'm okay with slow and steady.

So here I am, leading once again. While I've been in this position at church for a few months now, it all hit home this week after attending charge conference and hearing that there is going to be an overall focus on Evangelism and then attending leadership training today. So I will step out of my comfort zone because if I am to lead, then I must practice what I preach. I must share the love of Jesus with others, share my story, and share the Gospel no matter how hard it is for me to just talk to people

So what about you? What are you being called to do? I've been in prayer for many months before this because I knew I wasn't quite where God wanted me to be. And now here I am.

God loves you and He has plans for you too. I ask that you begin to be in prayer for Him to show you the way He wants you to go. Open your hearts to truly listen.

How do you do it?

I've lost count of how many times I've heard the following:

"I don't know how you do it." 

"How do you do it day in and day out?"

To which I always reply, "Through God."

And normally I leave it at that, but lately I've included a little more discussion. I admit that it is HARD. It is hard to hear your child scream at you "MOMMY YOU'RE HURTING ME! PLEASE STOP MOMMY! NO! NO! NO! PLEASE! I SAID STOP!" 

All the while having to work with more patience than you ever dreamed you had, wanting to join in the screaming yourself. Hating ever second that your child screams out in excruciating pain while you simply try to apply lotions, oils, creams, medicines that you know are needed to make your child feel better. Holding your child so tightly against you that your arms ache and fingers cramp from holding wrists still. All so your child can calm done enough, not scratch, and fall asleep. Only to wake at some point in the night that you don't even know about to scratch until blood covers the bed. Eventually falling asleep again on their own to start the next day in pain because pajamas are now stuck to their skin and require carefully getting the pajamas off without pulling any scabs or skin off which leads to more screams.

But then you get a glimpse of the light that is just around the corner as the first couple of days of this all too familiar routine starts working and your child can go through their nightly routine again without the tears, without the screams. Wondering how long the good time will last this time. Sometimes I can share that we are having such an amazing day and the kids are on the mend, then without warning, I may be sharing that I need prayer warriors to pray for one of the kids because we've taken a turn for the worse. And then hours later things may be momentarily fine again. Each day really is a never ending roller coaster. 

Last night as I held Bradley tightly so he couldn't rip open his skin, I closed my eyes. I really just wanted to lay there in the dark room with him, holding him, and cry and question why. I don't question why too often, but there are times I get overwhelmed and wonder why. But last night as I closed my eyes, an image filled my mind. Instead of seeing darkness and allowing my tears to flow, I closed my eyes and saw Jesus, reaching out his comforting hand, reminding me that He is there, He is holding me as I hold my child. He is holding Bradley too. And try as I might to get angry, I just couldn't. He wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me run. Instead he stayed right there reminding me to have patience, to trust, and to know that there are reasons beyond my understanding for all of this. 

Does this make me happy....NO. I just want my babies to enjoy life and not have to suffer unnecessarily. But for right now, this is our life. I will continue to have faith and to do what I can to ease my children's sufferings as best as I can, to take them to appointments, to shower them with love, and to embrace the moments when my babies aren't suffering. I will shout Hallelujah when times are good and turn to God in tears when life is misery....regardless, I will keep turning to God. 

Do I get tired sometimes of hearing "I don't know how you do it." At first I felt weird. Afterall, I feel like I'm doing what any mom would do. I would also think that there are so many others out there suffering so much more. But now, I embrace the statement. And no I don't get tired of hearing "I don't know how you do it". I've decided this is one way I can share my faith, my trust in and love for God. To share that without Him, then I wouldn't be able to handle any of this. I would be a complete mess. It is God's love for me, his comforting arms, his promise, and his grace that get me through each day and keep me from being a mess. Jesus LOVES me and he won't let me run away....even when I try for just a moment. I'm thankful for that.

Hands

Hands: Some are rough, some soft. Some scarred, some flawless. Some wrinkled, some smooth.

Our hands are used for many things: holding, touching, kneading, lifting, patting, digging, writing, praying.

To me, our hands can tell so many stories.

Even the Bible mentioned hands over and over from God's hand being heavy to being the hand that lifts us up to the hands of healing and the hands laid upon others so that the Holy Spirit may enter them.

Our hands are important.

About 15 years ago, I gained several extra "grandparents." One of those was Mr. Pete. Oh how I loved Mr. Pete. I cried dearly when I heard that he had passed away. Mr. Pete was such a strong, gentle, handsome loving man. What I would give to sit through another choir practice or Christmas Cantata and hear him sing "Sweet Baby Jesus Boy" Oh to hear his story like bass voice tell this story, sing this song. This spiritual. When trying to find this song now, I find so many versions, but none compare to the more spiritual sound of this song. Mr. Pete sang it as a story. In a way that I can't really describe. I wish I had video of him singing it.

There is another song I loved to hear Mr. Pete sing. A song that reminds me of him and I can almost feel him near when I think of it. Ironically, about the same time I learned of Mr. Pete's passing, I also went to visit grave sights in Virginia of my great grandparents. It was chilling when I looked up and saw my own grandparents headstone there among the others. My first thought was, "Did they die and no one told me?" Quickly I realized there were no death dates. As I walked around the stone, I saw hands in prayer and "Precious Lord Take My Hand" This was the song that I LOVED to hear Mr. Pete sing. A song I will never be able to sing and give it the same beauty as Mr. Pete, but a song I love none the less. 

In our times of praise, trouble, weariness, pain...we should lift our hands, let the Lord take us in his hands, and give us the love he has for us. The comfort only he can give. 

Luke 4:40 Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto Him; and He laid His hands on every one of them, and healed them.

1 Timothy 4:14 Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of presbytery.

Sharing my Story Compilation

Below you will find a link to 30 days of sharing my story. Please pray with me that we all continue to learn our story and become confident in sharing our story with others. For the month of October, I will most likely move into sharing scripture and just writing my personal thoughts about it. I would love to hear what verses help you get through each of your days.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: Beginnings

Day 3: Seeds

Day 4: More Seeds

Day 5: Growing

Day 6: Growing

Day 7: Growth and Trials

Day 8: Growth and More Trials

Day 9: Hold On, Let Go, Trials and More Trials

Day 10: What's in Store?

Day 11: Obstacles

Day 12: Accepting Christ

Day 13: Music

Day 14: Reaching Out

Day 15: Work in Progress

Day 16: Getting You Ready

Day 17: Learning to Follow

Day 18: Fears

Day 19: Strength

Day 20: We Are Clay

Day 21: Awestruck

Day 22: Plans

Day 23: Keep Making Me

Day 24: War

Day 25: War

Day 26: Knocked Down

Day 27: Growing in Faith

Day 28: Time

Day 29: Victory

Day 30: Leaving My Comfort Zone

Sharing my Story Day 30: Leaving My Comfort Zone

Wow! What started as a challenge for myself started our quite easily, then became hard, then became easy again. And now, here I am at the end of the challenge. A whole month of posts Sharing My Story. Telling others about God's work in my life or about how they can have God in their life too.

Tonight I went to my daily devotionals for inspiration and ironically it was all about the Challenge.

Isaiah 50:7 Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like fling, and I know I will not be put to shame.

Psalm 37: 5-6 Commit your way to the Lord...trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun ] the noonday.

The devotional says, "Leave your comfort zone and move out into new territory on behalf of God's kingdom. You grow in Christ when you do something for God beyond what you've already mastered. You sense God's presence with you in personal and intimate ways.

When you attempt something difficult for God, you discover God's resources. For instance, if you make a witness speech in church even though that makes you uncomfortable, you discover abilities previously unknown to you. It is not necessary to wait until you think you are ready to do something for God. Do it, and God will make you ready. Nobody would have heard of Saint George if he had slain a dragonfly instead of a dragon.

Dear God, disturb me when I am too pleased with what I do for you. Amen"

What a devotion for today after a few months and especially this past month of stepping so completely out of my comfort zone all for God. Did I think I was ready....yeah right. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other and kept focused on God's work and He gave me everything I needed. When I was tired and had absolutely no idea what to write, he guided my fingers across the keys and let the thoughts flow. When I focused on listening to God throughout the day so I would know what to write that night, He would send me just the right song, story, or person to spark the idea. But I would not have been able to do God's work this past month without leaning on him and holding on to my faith.

So what is it that you keep putting off? What is stopping you from taking that first step? It's time to trust God and take that leap of faith. He will give you what you need, so go ahead. Step out of your comfort zone and do His work.

Although the month is over and I probably won't post everyday, I will continue to share my story and I want you to do the same. As with so many things in life, when God's in it, then it's not over. Telling my story isn't over. It's only the beginning.

Before I go, I ask that you think about your relationship with God. What story will you share with others? Have you accepted God for yourself? If you haven't, maybe that is the step you need to take. It doesn't matter how much baggage you come with or how unworthy or unready you feel. God sent His Son to die for you and to set you free from it all. It's okay if you haven't been to church or have never picked up a Bible. It doesn't say in the Bible that you must have it memorized in order to find salvation. God will take care of the details, you just need to take the step. He's calling you now. He wants to set you free.

Let us pray,

Lord I thank you for laying it on my heart to take on this challenge of telling my story and helping others to tell theirs. It has been so rewarding and although I wasn't sure I was ready for it, I took that step. I had faith that you would lead me every step of the way. I thank you for being there just like you promised. Ultimately I thank you for your Son who died for a sinner like me. Lord, tonight I pray that we all find our voice to share our stories with others. I pray that those who do not know you find their way to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 29: Victory

Music is a large part of my life. I cannot play an instrument....although one day I would love to learn to play piano and guitar.  I sing because I can't just sit and listen to music. But I LOVE music. It gets me through the each and every day. It gets me through each and every season.

While I love listening to a wide variety of music, my new fave is Contemporary Christian. However, I still love my traditional hymns. Songs like Amazing Grace, I'll Fly Away, I Shall Not Be Moved, Lord of the Dance, No Tears in Heaven, When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, This Little Light of Mine, Jesus Loves Me, and on and on and on. I can't really say I have a favorite as I can start singing one then find myself in the middle of another one without knowing how I even got there.

The hymn I am going to focus on though is Victory in Jesus. You see I have found that victory. Jesus won the victory for me. He won it for you too. He is my Savior FOREVER! He paid such a high price all so I could be with Him again one day in Heaven. He has always loved me and he has cleansed me so that I am white as snow.

For this, and this alone, I hold to my faith. Because he paid such a price. It is really quite overwhelming to know that someone loves me and you that much. So much that he seeks you out and bought you with his own blood.

So, tonight, I do not really share a story. I simply leave you to think about the songs that affect your life. What songs speak to you? Which ones do you see yourself in? Which ones can take you back to a particular season and make it feel as if you are right back there in that moment? What songs must you sing to the top of your lungs because of how it makes you feel deep inside?

Let us pray:
Lord, I thank you for music. I thank you for your Son. I thank you for your grace. I thank you for blessings. In Your Son's name I pray. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 28: Time

For everything there is a season, a time. Some seasons may be harder to deal with than others, but we have to go through those rough seasons to get to the better ones. God has appointed all these times and seasons. He is in control!

Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2            a time to be born and a time to die,
              a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3            a time to kill and a time to heal,
              a time to tear down and a time to build,
4           a time to weep and a time to laugh,
             a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5           a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
             a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6           a time to search and a time to give up,
             a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7           a time to tear and a time to mend,
             a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8           a time to love and a time to hate,
             a time for war and a time for peace.

Look around you at the world God created. You can see His mighty hand in everything. And everything you see has its own season. Think about it, you don't go to bring in the harvest in spring, because that is not its time. In spring it is time to plant, harvesting will come later.

In the book of Ecclesiastes we learn over and over again, that to seek worldly pleasures and gains, will not bring us ultimate happiness. In fact the only way to find personal meaning and happiness is through God. Temporary pleasures are just that....temporary.

But here's what I am learning to realize, where we are in our relationship with God, in our faith impacts these seasons in our lives greatly. You see, when I simply believed and didn't exactly follow or when I chose to try to hold on to as much control as possible, then those negative times were that much harder.

You see when my faith was just there, but I didn't practice it, when I didn't rely on it, when I didn't use it, then I had a harder time with mourning, with war, with tears, giving up, and hate. But you see, now as my faith is stronger and I rely on it and put it straight to use, my seasons of what use to be the harder times, really aren't that hard. They aren't as hard because God is right here with me.

When I was younger I used to blubber at funerals (even ones where I hardly knew the person). Tears would roll freely down my face and I would go through several tissues and look like a puffy eyed mess after. Now, even at the funerals where I thought I would cry the most and hardest, I didn't. For a moment, I would think I must have grown cold and callous, how could I not cry my eyes out. But then I realized, it has to do with where I am in my walk with God. So while it hurts me and is sad to lose a loved one, I really don't dwell on the mourning side for too long. Instead I am so joyful that my loved one is now free from this earthly world and that they are now celebrating with Jesus.

So why don't you join me in this peace? You can have it too and it makes each season so much easier to live through than if you are trying to go it alone. God wants you to call on him, He wants you to admit your sins, afterall, He didn't send his Son to save just a select few. He sent his Son to die on a cross for all our sins so that we may all come to know God and one day enjoy eternal life with Him.

Let us pray,
Lord, I thank you for each season in my life. The tough ones help to make me stronger and help to make sure I keep close to you in my times of need. The joyful times help me to realize and rejoice over the many blessings you have given. Lord, I know I am far from perfect, but I try every day to become better at following you and being the person you know I can be. In Christ's name I pray. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 27: Growing in Faith

As I listened tonight to my sweet Tori scream her head off for 10 straight minutes while she was in the bath tub. Her skin has started flaring up again and today was not good. It has been a long time since showers and baths have been painful for her, but tonight broke that streak. As her mom it is so hard to make her sit in a bath that you know is beyond painful, yet you know it is a must on the road to healing.

A few hours later I had to listen to Bradley with his own tears....his skin looks horrible again so I made him do a wet wrap and will make him do this for the next several nights. We also started back on the regimen of bleach baths at least once a week that help to keep infection lower.

These times are so draining....physically, mentally, and emotionally. However I cling to my faith.

I also can't help but thing of our Father and our Savior. When our Father sent his son to earth, He had a purpose....a reason. The reason came when Jesus took the nails for each and every one of us, when he was crucified. Even Jesus cried out to His Father, but His Father had to allow him to suffer, to endure a pain unimaginable all so that we could be saved. He had to go through the pain to get to the glory waiting on the other side.

Jesus died and took on our sins so that he may save us and so that we may have eternal life.

It is because of the pain he endured for me, that I am saved. It is also why I hold on to my faith because after the storm, there is going to be a glorious day. Whatever life is throwing your way, the storm will pass. But while you are in the middle of the storm, you can still find comfort. You don't have to go through it alone. God is right there beside you, he wants you to call on him and draw on him. He and only he can give you the comfort and peace you seek.

I know all this, not because it is in the Bible, but also because as I grow stronger in my faith with each new storm, the storm is that much more bearable. I don't carry the burdens alone or by just relying on earthly shoulders; as a matter of fact I don't even carry the burden because God is right there for me. He stills my raging soul when I have to apply painful medicines to my childrens' skin and when I have to wrap them tightly. He gives me the peace to sleep each night so that I may be ready to get through tomorrow. And he gives me the sunny days just at the right moments. And it is all through my faith in Christ Jesus and in God the Father that grows stronger every day that helps me get through.

You can know this peace and comfort too once you find your way back to the Father if you have wandered away. You can also know this peace and comfort once you accept Jesus as your risen Savior, admit that you know he died for your sins because you are a sinner and you want to be forgiven. So open up your heart and let Him in, he's there knocking, open the door.

Let us pray
Lord, I will never quite understand why my kids must endure what they do, but I know that you want me to keep my faith and I will. I will continue to grow stronger in my faith and grow closer to you. Please help me with each step I take. Thank you for never leaving my side. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 26: Knocked Down

There are always going to be ups and downs throughout our life and in our present moments. Today is no exception, but God's got this.

My story will not be long this time, but it will be focused on keeping the faith even when it seems like everything is going wrong. This year has seen its fair share of downs and it seems that it isn't over quite yet.

Mark, my husband, works for a subsidiary of Blue Cross Blue Shield. The section he works for is under a government contract. In the 20 plus years since its development, his company has been the only one to successfully win the government contract every time it is up for renewal. Last year, when it was bid on, they didn't receive any news. They have been waiting for the better part of a year to find out whether they won. For the first time in over 20 years, his company lost the contract. The winning company outbid them by proposing they could get the job done for about $30 million less. The irony of it all....Mark just had his annual review and received his highest percentage raise since starting work for this company over 12 years ago.

The good news is we have a little time before this all takes affect. Mark also has been with the company for a number of years and his reviews have always been good. He and others he works with will have priority to jobs within the larger parent company. My prayers are that this will be a smooth transition to someplace else within the company. We've been battling insurance for so long and I just don't want to start over. Not to mention that his insurance costs hundreds less than what would be taken out of my pay for the family. I know God may have other plans, but I pray that those plans are simply to move within the company for now.

While it feels like the waves keep crashing all around me though, I will hold strong to my faith. I will seek God and trust in him through it all. Things are going to get easier, but we must first deal with these hard times. You see, God's love "never fails and never gives up and never runs out on me." And "deep inside I know enough to cry out....God I'm tired of fighting this fight.....but I'm not running away...Tonight, I'm gonna fix my eyes on the only hope who satisfies my heart, You are the One I'm running to."

God's got this! God's got this! God's got this! And for that I am so thankful. I believe that he has started something great in my life and I know he is going to see it through!

Let us pray:
God, I do not know the plans you have for me, but I trust that you have your reasons. There is a purpose. I am running to you and I will hold on to you all the tighter as we go through this time in our lives. Lord, I also pray that those who don't know you will open up their hearts and start to listen for your voice, especially as they go through challenges in this life that seem overwhelming. I pray that others find you and feel the great peace you give to all your children. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 25: Now

The last few posts have been more focused on the now, not reflections of the past, but sharing my story as it is right now. Because you see, I believe that our lifesong is made up of several stories along the way and we have to learn which story to share at what time. We started this journey 25 days ago, can you believe it's already been that long? When we started, the focus was on reflecting back....finding those times in your life where you see God's work, but if we are to keep moving forward, then we must also be attuned to the present.

What is happening for you right now? Can you see God working in your life? Are you allowing him to take over and lead as you follow? Do you hear him calling your name, but don't know what to do or are too afraid to answer?

God's not done with you yet.

Throughout the course of the month so far, I've shared various times in my life and how God has impacted those times whether I was aware of it at the moment or only just realized it this month. I've also shared that I have always believed, but didn't necessarily always attend church or follow God's plan for me.

In 1998 or 1999, I began attending Faith United Methodist Church in Greer, SC. It was a small church and I gained many grandparents there. I started attending because I was planning to get married there...and I did. I started singing in the choir again, had my own Vacation Bible School class and then ended up planning the whole thing once or twice. I was even on a committee (don't recall which one though). While life was busy with a full time job, full time college, and being married, I still remained active in the church. Actually attending church and being in choir made my weeks less crazy and I was energized. Well that all changed in 2002. That was when my ex decided he was leaving me and I ended up moving to Columbia.

One thing I didn't do was seek out another church to join. As a matter of fact, I didn't really step foot back in church again until 6 years ago in September or October of 2008 when Tori was a baby. I started going to Platt Springs UMC because my mentor teacher and friend attends there. She and the Friends in Christ class welcomed me with open arms. I loved the Sunday School class....we focused on so many different things, studied songs....I distinctly remember a study starting centered on Casting Crowns songs. But I guarded myself.

I wanted desperately to be more involved because that was about the time that Bradley's health problems magnified and Tori was showing signs of similar problems. Life was overwhelming at times and I felt like there was never enough time. When I thought back on my life, I realized the times in my life when I was attending Sunday School, church service, and choir practice were actually the times I seemed to have more energy to get it all done. Also more peace.

Unfortunately I allowed outside, earthly situations to come between me and God. I had greatly disappointed one person in my life because I at some point had promised that I would look for a church with them and instead had sought out one on my own. I honestly don't recall making that statement, but I may have. So I attended church, but I did so carefully. I wanted family to see that the kids and I would still be able to do everything we always did and that is where I let go. I began only attending church sporadically, once I started teaching Sunday School I would only show up on Sundays when I had to teach and then duck out of church before service. All to show that church wasn't taking up all my time and taking me away.

Every once in a while I would hear that a church member was asking about me so I would make sure to pop my head back in to service a few times, then slowly started sliding out again.

This happened off and on from 2008 to 2012. During those 4 years, I desperately wanted to join the choir, but didn't want to put any extra work on family. Plus I wasn't going to invite myself to choir. I had been invited to join back in 2009, but because of graduate school and classes, I didn't join...also the extra work thing. I had also started praying to God to show me what he wanted from me. Well, show me he did. The Sunday school class I had been teaching with 2 other ladies took a turn. At first I was being asked more and more to cover Sundays, then I got the call. One of the ladies had decided to no longer teach. Well it was only a matter of a couple weeks before the other lady stopped too.

So here I was suddenly the sole person responsible for my Sunday School class....and to add icing on the cake, for some reason I always had the most kids show up. The other two classes would have 2 or 3 kids and I would have close to 10. So here I was teaching Sunday School every week and starting to go to services once in a while.....(i.e. If my children were with me and not with a grandparent).

Not quite sure how things changed, but I did get better about attending every Sunday for both Sunday School and service.

Fast forward to now, suddenly I find myself not only on a newly created committee, but the chairperson of that committee, I lead a Wednesday night group, I have committed myself to this blog every night for the month of September, and apparently being chairperson also means I get to be on church council as the representative for my committee. Talk about a drastic change.

But why is this story so significant. Remember I said I suddenly found myself as the sole Sunday School teacher for my class back in 2012? Well that was over 2 years ago now since that happened and it was only last night that I learned more of my story based on God's work in another person's story. The lady who first stopped teaching Sunday School with me was in my Wednesday group last night and our discussion came around to not quite knowing what God has in store for us and she spoke up.

Did you know that she struggled with giving up her role as a teacher with the class I have? She said, God kept telling her to schedule me more Sundays and she did, but then she realized that she wasn't getting to teach as much. She said she didn't want to give up any of it, but that God was pushing her too. She said she also noticed that as long as I was scheduled, I would come and if I wasn't....well, I already told you that part.

Now a little over two years later, she is starting to see God's plan for all of that. She pointed out all that I am now doing and she also shared her story. She is going to start teaching Sunday School for the Nehemiah children. She is so excited about this opportunity and realize it was God's work all along preparing her for this time.

I share all this with you because God has a plan for all of us. We may not understand the events leading up to it, but suddenly we find ourselves in a position and when we look back we can see God's work all over the place. Isn't it great that God loves each and every one of us? That he has dreams for who he wants us to be in his kingdom. Isn't it great that though his sheep may stray, he is going to find them and bring them back in?

Tonight as I sat in my very first church council meeting wondering how on earth did I get here and how did I get myself into this, I couldn't help but see that God has known all along. Now I have no clue what the future holds, but I can definitely see that He has some pretty high expectations for me.

So I go back to last night's post...I prayed for a long time for God to make me empty, to make me broken, and to make me lonely all so I can fill myself with Him. He is certainly working on all that and more.

I leave you tonight with the prayer we ended our meeting with and a song that won't leave my mind, but my story is still being written and I want God to write that story. As the song says "My life, I know it's never really been mine, so do with it whatever you like. I don't know what your plan is, but I know it's good."

Wesleyan Covenant Prayer

I am no longer my own, but Yours.
Put me to what You will,
Rank me with whom You will.
Put me to doing,
put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You
or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You
or brought low for you.
Let me be full,
Let me be empty.
Let me have all things,
Let me have nothing.
I freely and wholeheartedly
Yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.

And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am Yours.
So be it.
And the covenant now made on earth,
Let it be ratified in Heaven.

Amen

Sharing my Story Day 24: War

So, it looks like this focus on sharing my story (and hopefully getting you to share your story or at least reflect and try to figure out yours) has taken a mind of its own so to speak. The past few postings I realize it has become a focus on the fact that we need to get to know Christ as our Savior and that if we already have that, then we need to go out and be disciples, be fishers of men to bring others in to know Christ as well.

The postings for this month came from my starting a Wednesday night group at church focused on telling our story, sharing God's work in our life. Well that group can be so emotional, so thought provoking, and so energizing. What happens in that small classroom each Wednesday leaves me speechless and at the same time wanting to just sing His praises up and down. That spark gets fanned and those flames burn higher and higher to shine that light for the Lord.

Tonight was no exception. We wound our way down a path that I certainly did not plan and you know what? That's okay. As Toby Mac's song says "If you want to steal my show, I'll sit back and watch You go, If You've got something to say, go on and take it away." And that is what I sincerely pray, is for God to steal the show and take us where we need to go.

Our writing, has really turned in to sharing and story telling of the verbal kind. Sure there are moments of silence, but it never reaches that awkward silence because at just the right moment someone will speak out and we are off again. I thank God he gave me the ability to let the silence hang on the air instead of feeling like I should fill every moment with sound. If I did, we would not travel down the paths we go.

Tonight's path was no different. We started by sharing scripture that we hold on to and many of us shared why or the story behind it. Somewhere along the way some of us had out our phones looking things up and sharing. We talked about prayer and how "No" is an answer whether we like it or not. We talked about struggle and just how much God will or will not put on us. We even talked about all the different groups out there and beliefs that are held by people when it comes to religion.

It is this path that leads me to tonight's post. Not so much my story about "war", but the a sharing that we are in a war. We are Christian soldiers and we are going to be faced with battles throughout our lives.

1 Timothy 6:12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

No matter what battle we are facing, we must keep the faith. Hold tight to the promise of the eternal life that awaits us. It is going to be hard sometimes. There are people out there who have no believe in any religion whatsoever....we live, we die, end of story. There are people who believe there is something, but don't really care so much about the details. There are people who believe and follow practices that would make our skin crawl. There are people out there preying on young, still developing minds and isolating them from all they know in effort to get them to believe exactly as they do. The list could go on and on and on. But hold true to this, God calls on us to testify the good news of God's grace. He calls us to repent, believe, confess, follow. He calls us to testify to others....including all those different types of people that believe all those different things. It isn't going to be easy and some days we will walk away from a battle so weak and tired we wonder how we can keep moving forward. Other days those battles are going to be victories that gives us such hope and renewed energy that we are going to shout it from the moutain tops.

The great thing about all these battles....GOD is with us. He is bigger than any battle we face. There are going to be times that we feel too weak, but there is a purpose. If we were strong enough on our own to get through everything, then would we really turn to and rely on God? So yes, we are going to be weak so that we can learn to rely on His strength. He will be there in the end. Are you going to be able to say that you have fought the good fight, finished the race, and through it all kept your faith?


Those battles are going to be found all over and include anyone....believers and nonbelievers, friends, foes, family, and complete strangers. Are you prepared? What's your story?Think about the battles you have already fought. Where was God? Can you find him? Did you lean on him? Have you stepped out of your comfort zone, put on your armor as a Christian soldier, and faced the battle before you?

Let us pray,
Lord, Every minute of everyday there are struggles. Struggles that can bring us closer to you or push us farther away. Lord, help us to be more faithful in turning to you, to put our faith in you as we battle here on Earth. You sent your Son to save us so that we might have eternal life. Thank you. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 23: Keep Making Me

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. 

1 Have mercy on me, O God, 

    according to you unfailing love;

   according to your great compassion

    blot out my transgressions.

2  Wash away all my iniquity

     and cleanse me from my sin.

3  For I know my transgressions, 

      and my sin is always before me.

4  Against you, you only, have I sinned 

    and done what is evil in your sight;

    so you are right in your verdict 

     and justified when you judge. 

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,

    sinful form the time my mother conceived me. 

6  Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;

     you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

7  Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

     wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8  Let me hear joy and gladness; 

    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9  Hide your face from my sins

    and blot out all my iniquity.

10  Create in me a pure heart, O God,

      and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

11  Do not cast me from your presence 

      or take your Holy Spirit from me. 

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation

      and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, 

     so that sinners will turn back to you.

14  Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, 

     you are God my Savior,

     and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15  Open my lips, Lord,

      and my mouth will declare your praise.

16  You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

       you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

      a broken and contrite heart 

     you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion,

     to build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,

     in burnt offerings offered whole; 

     then bulls will be offered on your altar.

We serve an amazing God. One who can take each and every one of us, know us on a personal level down to the number of hairs on our head and our inner most thoughts, and he, He alone can make us into something new. I still get chills every time I sing the line "What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus. What can make me whole again, Nothing but the blood of Jesus. Oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus." 

Over and over in that song we hear the line....nothing but the blood of Jesus. And guess what he didn't stop there. We aren't left to sit around thinking, "okay, I've been saved. Got my ticket to heaven now." Instead we are continuing to be made each and every day. Each day is a new opportunity to serve God, to follow him, and to bring others to know him. And although he doesn't want us to lose our way, our God is a loving God who realizes we may screw things up sometimes and we have to seek his forgiveness and work that much harder to stay the path and to follow him. He doesn't want any one of his flock to be left behind. 

I started this post with a Sidewalk Prophets song, "Keep Making Me"  and then followed it with Psalm 51. In the video the person who seems to be so down and out on life and just can't get anything to work out "right" finally enters a room labeled Psalm 51 and when he comes out, he is no longer a mess, but a beautiful piece of art, a lion actually, because he stopped to take the time to seek God's forgiveness, to be cleansed and set free from his transgressions. Isn't it great to know that we have a God that cares that much for us!

For me there is more to the song though. A couple years ago, the following song from Sidewalk Prophets really hit home as well. 

"I don't know where to go from here......"

"I'm done fighting....I'm finally letting go."

"I will trust in you."

"If there's a road I should walk, help me find it. 

If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment.

Whatever your will, whatever your will

Can you help me find it?'

How many times have you suddenly found yourself at a loss of where to go, one moment you had no doubt and were trudging along, and then suddenly you come to a point and you just don't know where to go or what to do? How many times do we try to find our own path instead of stopping and asking God to help you find the path he needs you on or to be still and quite rushing around like a mad person trying to keep up with this earthly world. 

I've been there many times and when this song came out, I was in one of those places. This song became my prayer to God. Not much longer after that I heard the first song I posted...Keep Making Me.

"Make me broken, so I can be healed"
"Make me empty, so I can be filled"

"Make me lonely, so I can be yours"

Chorus: 'Til You are my one desire, 'til You are my one true love, 'Til You are my breath, my everything, Lord, please keep making me.

This became my next prayer and plea to God. For days on end I would sing this to the top of my lungs anytime it played on the radio and all day long in my head. Begging God to make me broken, make me empty, and make me lonely all so I could focus on Him and let Him take charge of my life instead of me trying to always be the one in control. And then of course I would have to remind myself when I was feeling broken that I begged God to make me that way so he could really step in and heal me. 

Well, guess what. Prayers like this work. I have always known God, and I've clung to him tightly and let him hold me through all Bradley and Tori and even Aubrey's health problems (Aubrey's was short lived.....couldn't seem to keep breastmilk or formula down and couldn't get started on solids until later than most), but I was still holding on to some of the control. 

Now I am not saying I am perfect or that I am even doing all God wants me to do, but that's just it. I'm still a work in progress and He is going to keep making me and for that I am in awestruck wonder and filled with such gladness. It took praying those songs over and over again and really opening myself up for God to come in and start doing the work he has been trying to do all along. I still don't know about this path I'm on right now and where it is leading, but I don't have to know. I just have to keep the faith and trust God because he has this. And guess what, as tired as I may be from time to time. This whole new level of letting God take control is exhilarating. 

I know what holds me back....my desires to be in control and to plan. What holds you back? Or what helped you to finally let go and let God? 

Let us pray:

God, thank you for not giving up on us. I can't wait to see what you have in store for our lives once we not only accept your Son Jesus Christ as our Savior, but as we learn to let go and let You take control. As we learn to listen and to follow you. It has been a whirlwind of a year so far, but knowing that you are not finished making me yet excites me about the future. I have a joy that is unspeakable and a life that only you are big enough to have dreamed for me. Thank you! Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 22: Plans

Are you a planner? Do you like to have everything mapped out ahead of time? Or do you just go whichever way the wind blows? Doing things at the drop of a hat? Do you get upset when your plans get changed or do you simply smile and go with the flow?

I'm probably a mix between the two extremes and it really just depends on what it is for, how much time I spent on it and how quick it takes me to let it go. One thing I've learned in life is to be flexible. I may not always like it, but flexibility is a major life skill.

In all your planning have you ever tried to tell God your plans? I mean sit there and tell him your plans as if you have complete authority over all that happens in your life. Or maybe even sit there and bargain your plans...I will __________ as long as you _______. In other words negotiate, try to bargain.

Growing up we used to laugh at my house and say God has a sense of humor. The main example we always fall back on is saying the word never. "I will never ___________. " And the for some reason or another we end up having to do what we say we will never do. My mom's was that she would never live in Atlanta, Georgia (or maybe it was that she would never live in Georgia). Well, in 1989 we found ourselves moving from Tennessee to Georgia. To be specific, Mableton, Georgia at 2 Acacia Lane. Funny how I can still remember certain addresses. It was about 20-30 miles outside of Atlanta, about a mile or so from 6 Flags Over Georgia. We lived there for about a year and half.

So now anytime we say we will never _______, we quickly correct ourselves and not use the word never.

The following picture has been shared on Facebook quite often and I felt it fitting for this post as I was still contemplating what I was supposed to write about:

Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. 

Sure we can sit there and plan out the straightest path possible for our lives, but in the end, the journey that we will go on as we make our way down our path will be so much different than we plan. There will be times of falling into the valley, times when we are on top, times when we are working to just stay in the boat and keep afloat, and times of storms. The perceived bad times can make us stronger and help us grow closer to God if we allow it and there are also going to be some pretty great times. The hard part sometimes is trusting God and letting go of the plans we made for ourselves. It is especially hard if we have gotten used to our current path, if it has become comfortable for us.

So where are your times of life when your plans didn't quite work out like you thought they would? Can you see God's hand at work during those times? Shaping and redirecting us for what he needs to prepare us for.

My plan....pediatrician. God's plan....educator and leader
My plan....4 healthy children. God's plan...2 children with complex medical issues.
My plan...staying in one school/one house for more than a few years (this was while growing up). God's plan.....10 schools from K-12th grade and about 15 homes from 0-18 years old. Irony I've been at the same house now for a little over 10 years and at times it makes me crazy being in one place so long.
My plan...getting a teaching job right out of college. God's plan...making me wait an extra year for the place he needed me to be in.

Or how about the times in life where you feel your life was wasted? For me, it feels like a large chunk of the past few years was a huge waste and all because a few uninformed parents chose to jump on other uninformed bandwagons to get all our hard work as teachers thrown out the window. And tonight I am especially frustrated all over again because the test I looked forward to my children getting to take that was taken off the table a few months ago (because of those same uninformed parents and others fought to get it thrown out too) has now been almost officially replaced with the one assessment I prayed so hard would get taken off the table. Now my children have to face unrealistic timed assessments. I know I have to look to see what God is teaching me in all this, but I can't help but feel as if we have stepped back several decades in the area of education. I pray I can let go of this soon.

The list could go on and on. Bottom line. I can be off the charts smart and intelligent, but even if I were I still cannot plan my life minute by minute, day by day. In Jeremiah 29:11 we are reminded that God has plans for us "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." So let us open up, let go, and let God.

Let us pray,
Lord, please help us to accept the plans you have in store for us and not fight you so hard when your plans and ours do not match. Open our hearts and our minds to listen to you and follow you instead of our worldly plans. Thank you for sticking with us no matter how stubborn we can be. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 21: Awestruck

Have you ever had those times when you just can't believe things fall into place? When you can't believe that so many people are out there rooting for you and for a certain cause or event?

Today was one of those kind of days for me. It wasn't the first of its kind and I'm sure it won't be the last. And for each time God is all over it.

Several months ago I was asked to be part of a new team, i-Reach. Basically we have had only 4 teams for quite some time at church...Up Reach, Down Reach, In Reach, and Out Reach. Hopefully I won't get this mixed up....Up is for praising, down is for building the foundation, in is for reaching within the church to care for our own, and out is reaching out to the community. i-Reach is about Evangelism. It's about "i" reaching out to bring others to Christ, to show them hospitality, etc.

For a few months before I was approached about it, I had been praying to God to help me see what he needs me to be doing because I had been feeling that he was wanting me to do something, but I had no idea what. When I was asked, I knew that is what God needed from me. I accepted with eagerness, but at the same time remember telling Rev. Becky I had no idea what I was doing or how I would be able to do it when I can't even get some of my own family to church. But I was going to give it my best.

From this has come a few things so far...the first being to start a Bible study group that really focuses on telling our story of God's work in our lives, the next being this blog to do the same thing, and the third planning for our Back to Church event. The committee started meeting back in June and has met every other Monday up until now to plan and prepare for this event.

But it was more than just a committee planning an event, it was a church coming together to bring others in. We had a wonderful couple who originally planned to host and donate the entire meal (we were hoping for about 200 people). Somewhere along the way other food got donated and planned for and that couple from what I was told had very minimal cost involved because so much was out right donated. Talk about a blessing for a committee planning this huge event with a $0 budget, this was certainly it.

The rest of the congregation worked hard to spread the word and invite others to join us today and we filled every table and chair we put out so I'm guessing it worked.

Then there were all the cooks, servers, clean-up crew, donated empty serving dishes, and hosts for each table.

Now to say it went smoothly....well, we certainly had to step it up into high gear at times, but overall I think it all turned out okay.

Actually it was more than okay. A few times a person came up because they didn't have quite enough hash (and we didn't have anymore....we had already put out 15 pounds worth), we thought we ran completely out of chicken and had missed a table, and the rice was low too. When this initially started, I had that brief moment "oh, no. Everyone is going to be talking about the event where there wasn't even enough food to go around." I pushed that thought back down to where it came from and convinced myself that God's got this.

Soon the requests for missing food ended and everyone was eating and seemed to be enjoying the conversation at their tables so I too went to eat.

Then it was time to start cleaning up and that's when God showed his work. It actually reminded me of the story in the Gospels about feeding a large crowd with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. In the end they ended up cleaning up baskets full of all that was left. Well, I'm guessing everyone found what they were lacking at their tables because in the end we sent home several to go plates and filled several gallon size bags with hash, rice, slaw, mac-n-cheese, baked beans, and chicken.

You see, while there was a lot of physical work and time put into this, there was also a lot of prayer and faith in God that this would be a success. But I am still awestruck. I am every time God steps in because he is so amazingly wonderful and I can't help but be awestruck. As an educator, I have always said that the second I think I don't have anything left to learn and that I think I know it all, it will be time for me to quit. Well, with God, I pray that I will always be awestruck by his amazing grace and love and faithfulness to fulfill his promises. Being awestruck reminds me just how big and powerful he is and it is quite humbling to see his work in our lives. I don't want to ever come to a point that I just expect him to amaze me.

Let us pray,
Lord, I thank you for such a wonderful day today and for all those involved. I really had no idea what I was doing, but you knew and you knew exactly who to place where and for that I am thankful. Lord, help me to continue to keep my heart open to what you are calling me to do in your name. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 20: We are Clay

"Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8

This is my middle child, Tori. She is my free spirited artist. Until recently it was normal to find her wearing two completely different socks (on purpose) and some interesting combinations for her outfits. She is unique in that she wants to fit in while at the same time march to the beat of her own drum. She wears her heart on her sleeve and her moods can change at the drop of a hat. She is my beautiful Victoria Brooke and I wouldn't change her for the world.

Back in January I was introduced to a place called The Pitter Platter. Well, I had heard about it the summer before, but had never been there until a great friend invited me in January. I almost didn't go because of money and knowing that finances were about to get hit hard with Bradley's upcoming surgery. But I went and I am so glad I did.

I knew Tori would love this place. She could probably spend hours here. I never was able to work it for her to go to summer camp, but thankfully they have started doing weekly Saturday kid classes. We went a couple weeks ago for a canvas class and today she decided she wanted to spend her own money to go to the Wheel Throwing class. She loved it.

As I sat in (I was curious to learn and wanted to be there in case her skin became irritated with this), I learned a little about wheel throwing. I watched as the girls started their bowls and couldn't help but think of the ultimate potter. God.

When you start at the wheel, you have this lump of clay that you sort of slam down on the center of the wheel with enough muscle to make it stick. You then use your fingers to press the clay to the wheel so that it has a large enough area holding on. And then comes the work. You make sure that your hands and the clay are wet and turn the wheel on. Using just enough pressure from your hands, you get a round cylinder shape going (similar to the top picture), then comes the shaping. With your hands surrounding the outside, you overlap your thumbs and start pressing down the center until you get a deep enough hole without going through to the bottom. From there you insert your index and middle finger into the hole and start gently pressing the hole wider by pulling your fingers back to your stomach.Once wide enough, you take one hand and make a "crab claw"...basically you have all 4 fingers together in the center and your thumb on the outside. With your other hand on the outside you provide extra support to your thumb. Now you slow pinch the bowl in your "claw" and work your hand up. This increases the depth of your bowl. Once it is right, take a finger and allow it to smooth out the top rim. The entire time you are working, you keep making sure the clay and your hands stay wet. If it gets too sticky, you know there isn't enough water. After you've smoothed out the rim, using a sponge, get up any excess water from the center of the bowl.

Then comes times to get ready to remove the bowl from the wheel. A wooden knife is used to cut away the area around the bottom and then a cutting wire is slipped beneath your creation so it can be slid off the wheel. The pottery is then placed in a kiln and fired.

This reminds me of Isaiah 64:8 because we too are clay and we are shaped by God, the potter. As God works to shape us, sometimes our lives get sticky just like a lump of clay on the potter's wheel when it doesn't have enough water. Sometimes we stray off the path and away from God, clay can do the same thing. It is very noticeable as it starts to wobble and looks warped until the potter comes in and adds pressure and shaping to just the right places.

Take some time to think about those times in your life. When did you start to stray? Did you feel the pressure of God's gentle hands has he worked to reshape you, to smooth out the bumps? Can you see where He took you from a "lump of oddly shaped clay" and turn you into a beautiful, creation with a purpose in life. As I watched Tori work her clay and I listened to the instruction taking place, I could tell it takes just the right amount of pressure to make the change but not so much that it destroys the piece. God touches our lives this way too. Knowing just how much pressure to apply at just the right moment.

Let us pray,
God thank you for shaping me into who I am today. I know that I am not finished yet and I know you have so much in store for me. Lord, I give my life into your hands. Lord, you have also placed a special woman in my path and on my heart. Please keep whispering in her ear. She hears you Lord. Help me to continue to do the work you have laid before me. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 19: Strength

"Be strong in the Lord, and never give up hope."

This is just one line in a song that I have going on in my head as I write tonight. And it fits so well to follow last night about fears. We must be strong, but not on our own. We should be strong in the Lord.

Strong in faith, strong in following, strong in sharing, strong in taking that next step, strong in admitting our weaknesses.

I love this song because I picture not only the song writer writing this letter to his little girl or to a dear loved one who is struggling, but I see this as our Heavenly Father writing to us, assuring us that He's got this, we just have to keep the faith, remain strong, never give up, and to come to Him for peace. I see this as a mom with three children who I watch grow before my very eyes and I know that life has so much in store for them between the worldly problems they will face and pain they will go through and knowing that the Heavenly Father has great plans for each of my babies.

This is a song of holding on through the rough times, through the dark times when it is hard to see the light. So how do you hold on, how do you remain strong?

For me to break down this process it hard. While it varies from situation to situation, ultimately I just trust even when I can't see. For me I have no other choice but to be strong in the Lord. Not strong for myself, not strong for everyone else although that is probably the harder one to avoid, but strong in the Lord. I have to keep believing. Sometimes it is natural to do so, other times I have to tell myself to stay strong.

But this trust did not come overnight. It comes through a series of events over time. It comes from my life song, my story, my testimony. When I have been at my weakest, God has always been there and I simply trust that he will keep his promise of always continuing to be there. The parts of my story I have shared over the past 19 days are examples of when God has been working in my life and it is those times that help me to take each step forward trusting God, being strong in the Lord. So even as I wrote of my fears yesterday, I know that ultimately God has this and no matter what He will get me through it all, I just have to believe.

So I ask you. Do you believe? Do you believe that the Lord loves you so much that he gave his only son to take away your sins? Do you believe that if you just let him, he can give you the peace you so desperately seek? As you think back on your life, do you see where God has been present all along? He is there. He is asking you to let him in if you haven't already. The plan of salvation is a simple one, just like the song I referred to talks of simple truths. You don't have to live your life in fear anymore. He is there waiting for you. He loves you. He has great plans for you. Are you willing? Are you willing to accept his love? Willing to accept his plan of salvation?

The strength and peace I have is not my own. It is through God that I have this and it can be yours too.

Let us pray,
Lord, I thank you for your Son Jesus Christ whom you sent to die for our sins. I thank you for your plan of salvation. I thank you for saving me, for taking me as your child. I pray that the persons reading this will open their hearts to you Lord and will accept that you sent your Son for each of us, to take away our sins, and to wash us white as snow. Lord help them find their way to you, their way to church, their way to baptism so that they may know the love and peace I have come to know. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 18: Fears

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Fear. A feeling so strong that it can be paralyzing. It can cause your heart to race, your pulse to quicken, sweat to bead up on your forehead, and knots to form in your stomach. What are your fears? How do you get past them?

For me I have a handful of fears. I have a tremendous fear of fire. Not so much that I can't be around it, but enough that I fear its potential to engulf and destroy. I like to think I have a healthy fear/respect towards fire. I think the biggest fear is being burned. I don't think I really had this fear until a small kitchen fire when I was in high school that amounted to just some damaged cabinet doors, broken glass, and nasty soot up my nose. I remember my first home when I moved out of my parents I made sure that I had baking soda in every reachable spot and fire extinguishers upstairs and downstairs.

But all the baking soda and fire extinguishers could not have helped me when I suffered burns. It was the burns that probably sealed the deal on my fear of fire...especially the getting burned part. I was almost 20 years old when it happened. We had no hot water, maintenance had still yet to respond to our calls and I needed to bathe. I had work and college to attend to. After careful thought, I realized that in the "olden" days they bathed by putting hot water in tubs with some cold water. So I set the coffee pot and all the large pans up and got the water boiling. Then I made my way up the stairs to begin filling the tub. This worked great the first time.

The next day, things didn't go as well. My mom had just dropped me off and I was preparing for work. I set about getting the water ready and then taking it up the stairs. On one of my trips, the one where I carried the largest pot, I tripped going up the stairs. The lid popped up and so did that boiling water. Up the left side of my neck, tips of my ears, and all the way down to my collar bone. I ran to the shower as fast as I could because I knew from burns in the past to get cold water on it. I also managed to call my mom and tried begging her to bring me burn cream and to hurry. I was in pain, but I didn't realize how bad things were until I got to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. My skin was peeling off in sheets and bubbling up.

I also never realized how much my appearance mattered. When you have visible burns, especially down your neck, under your chin, and up to your ear people are going to stare.

A few days later I learned that the pain I wen through with the initial burn was nothing compared to the pain of my skin finally coming off and leaving the open, oozing new skin underneath. I never want to feel that kind of pain again and so I fear fire because of its burning ability.

I also have a control problem. I don't like for things to be out of my control so I always feared being in a wreck that would be out of my control. Well, God decided to help me out with that one. A little over a year ago, after driving for 18 years, I hit a dear. And guess what....I lived! Well, I still feared an actual wreck. A few months ago, I was rear ended. When the hit came as I sat at the red light, I recall the shock, the rage, and then somehow being able to get out of my car assess the damage and then get moved over to the parking lot as I called 911. The officer was great and tried hard to ease my shakiness by being funny. I was also lucky because it was next to my mom's work and though I knew I was okay and would be okay, I just needed my mom and she came. Well, guess what....I lived through that too. And the irony of it all, I couldn't help but think that God played a role and that I was there to actually stop the car that hit me. I really think he would've gone through that light that afternoon and that things could've been worse than what they were.

I also fear being not doing things well. If I can't do it well, then I don't want to do it. I fear failure.

But my biggest fear is one I've never shared out. One that I have kept to myself. One that I am going to share now. You see, I believe there are people who are afraid to get too close to God because every time they do, something bad seems to happen. I also believe there are people that are scared when things are going well that the bottom is going to fall out. For me I belong to that latter group. I am so scared that when too many things are going well, that something terrible is about to happen to rock my world and make it come to a screeching halt. Something so bad that it will really test my faith in God and test my relationship with him. My ultimate fear is that God is going to call home one of my babies.

But I realize I can't go around living my life each day fearful of what might happen. God promises to be there with us and tells us not to fear. So I hold on to my faith.

I can promise you that it isn't always easy, but I have to keep my faith. Afterall, God has blessed me in so many ways, I can feel him working on something far bigger than I can dream right now, and bottom line, I have to stand on His promises.

These past few months have been a whirlwind for me. There are times like right now that I am sooooooo tired. But unlike any other time in my life, God is working in me and for once I feel like I am really following him. Sure I've "followed" him in the past, but I hung on so tightly to my control that I didn't really let him lead me. I think that is why I am so tired right now, because I get so excited and energized when I am working on the work he is calling me to do, and then when I finally get to sleep it seems the alarm clock is going off and I'm starting the day all over again. Right now, the fears I have are at bay because God has calmed those fears inside me. Does that mean life is going to be easy, I doubt it. But He is equipping me right now with what I need to do his work. So I take each moment, each act, one step at a time. Sometimes those steps come easily and at other times they are with great trepidation, but I take the step. I think that is probably the hardest part....taking that first step to move past the fears that paralyze you. But then each step after gets a little easier as the paralysis begins to fade.

So what are your fears? How do you handle them? Can you really explain how to just have faith? To just trust in God?

God, you know my deepest fears. There is no hiding from you. Thank you for giving me strength, for upholding me, and above all else for being right here with me through all situations. Thank you for helping me to take one more step and for starting a fire in me. Help me to continue to do the work you want me to do in your name so that others may come to know you as well. Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 17: Learning to Follow

Sometimes I think we have a hard time doing the one thing that Jesus told his disciples to do when he told them "Follow me."

As we think on our story and bring up memories long forgotten, I ask you to consider this. When did you start following Jesus. When was the last time you followed Jesus? How did you take that first step? How did you keep moving when the pace picked up or life started to get in the way?

Taking those steps can be so hard. I think it is human nature to want to hold on to the familiar, to hold on to what we already know, to what we can already see. But Jesus wants us to do more. God wants us to do more. You see taking the step to believe, admit you're a sinner, repent, ask Jesus into your heart, and announce your belief and acceptance to others is just a step.

For some this step may come easy and almost naturally. For others the step may be harder to take. Events in our lives tend to affect the choices we make and how easy it is to let go, to believe.

And then on top of it all we must then learn to FOLLOW HIM. Our journey did not stop once we were baptized or once we proclaimed our faith in front of others. In fact the journey with God is only just beginning. Sure we can reflect on our life and see where God played a role in our life up to the point we accepted His Son as our Savior, but our ultimate journey with God is just beginning when we let him into our life. Until then we are still seeking, knowing that maybe something isn't quite right, knowing that we aren't quite whole just yet.

This acceptance in only part of what we are called to do. Then we must begin our steps on our journey to FOLLOW HIM.

For each of us the journeys may be similar, but they are also quite different. For some we are going to walk miles and miles and miles in our journey sometimes following, sometimes losing the path, and sometimes sitting life out. For others we may only make it past the first few steps. And still others we may walk the straight and narrow because it is the only thing we know how to do....believing with a blind faith that no matter what God's got this, we just have to trust and follow.

And you know what? God already knows that about us. You see just like our own children who are unique, God made all his children (us) unique. As I think about my brother and me or about my own three children, I can see such unique characteristics.

For the most part, especially the school part, I was always the rule follower and high achiever. I was scared to death to make anything less than an A and I couldn't get my nose out of the books. My brother on the other hand...wellllllll. I can't speak for what he thought, but given his experiences I can say that he didn't always follow the rules and there were times when my parents celebrated a C. And books....those weren't quite his thing unless you count Jurassic Park. Now that he read cover to cover if I recall correctly. Our parents knew we were quite different and that we each required a different path to get to the same destination.

My own kids. Well, they are so unique. Bradley is laid back and intuitive. He will work hard if expected, buy will gladly find a short cut if there is one. He especially likes to do this with writing. He will tell a great story and then when he goes to write it, he shortens it to the fewest number of words he can get away with. When you ask him why his written story changed he will tell you that it was much faster to do it that way.

Tori....ahhhhh...Tori. My sweet Tori is my artistic spirit who wants to please others and wears her heart on her sleeve. Once she trusts you, you can not get her to be quiet. Oh and everything is always someone else's fault.

And then there is Aubrey. Aubrey is certainly teaching us quite a few things. She not only has a mind of her own, but she speaks it too. Aubrey has no fear.

One thing all my children do have in common is there strong sense of being independent. They can "do it by their self'."

Parenting each child takes knowing each of them and how each will respond and learn best.

Our Heavenly Father is no different. He knows that each of us require different things and we are all at different places in our journey and need to be taking different steps. He knows that some of us need a more gentle hand and others of us need a firm hand. Some of us will hear him calling when he whispers and still others of us need him to yell at us quite a few times before we even begin to hear him, let alone to listen to him. So what about you. What did it take for you to believe? What did it take for you to start following? What will it take to keep you on the path and to keep taking those steps?

Let us pray,
God, I thank you for these opportunities. I do not know all there is to know. You know I have so much to learn, but God, I am trying to take those next steps, to follow you where you are leading me versus trying to walk my own path. I ask for your continued guidance and support on this journey. With you I believe all things are possible and I thank you for that. I thank you for being a Heavenly Father that knows each and every one of his children and will give each of us just what we need when we need it. Amen.