How do you do it?

I've lost count of how many times I've heard the following:

"I don't know how you do it." 

"How do you do it day in and day out?"

To which I always reply, "Through God."

And normally I leave it at that, but lately I've included a little more discussion. I admit that it is HARD. It is hard to hear your child scream at you "MOMMY YOU'RE HURTING ME! PLEASE STOP MOMMY! NO! NO! NO! PLEASE! I SAID STOP!" 

All the while having to work with more patience than you ever dreamed you had, wanting to join in the screaming yourself. Hating ever second that your child screams out in excruciating pain while you simply try to apply lotions, oils, creams, medicines that you know are needed to make your child feel better. Holding your child so tightly against you that your arms ache and fingers cramp from holding wrists still. All so your child can calm done enough, not scratch, and fall asleep. Only to wake at some point in the night that you don't even know about to scratch until blood covers the bed. Eventually falling asleep again on their own to start the next day in pain because pajamas are now stuck to their skin and require carefully getting the pajamas off without pulling any scabs or skin off which leads to more screams.

But then you get a glimpse of the light that is just around the corner as the first couple of days of this all too familiar routine starts working and your child can go through their nightly routine again without the tears, without the screams. Wondering how long the good time will last this time. Sometimes I can share that we are having such an amazing day and the kids are on the mend, then without warning, I may be sharing that I need prayer warriors to pray for one of the kids because we've taken a turn for the worse. And then hours later things may be momentarily fine again. Each day really is a never ending roller coaster. 

Last night as I held Bradley tightly so he couldn't rip open his skin, I closed my eyes. I really just wanted to lay there in the dark room with him, holding him, and cry and question why. I don't question why too often, but there are times I get overwhelmed and wonder why. But last night as I closed my eyes, an image filled my mind. Instead of seeing darkness and allowing my tears to flow, I closed my eyes and saw Jesus, reaching out his comforting hand, reminding me that He is there, He is holding me as I hold my child. He is holding Bradley too. And try as I might to get angry, I just couldn't. He wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me run. Instead he stayed right there reminding me to have patience, to trust, and to know that there are reasons beyond my understanding for all of this. 

Does this make me happy....NO. I just want my babies to enjoy life and not have to suffer unnecessarily. But for right now, this is our life. I will continue to have faith and to do what I can to ease my children's sufferings as best as I can, to take them to appointments, to shower them with love, and to embrace the moments when my babies aren't suffering. I will shout Hallelujah when times are good and turn to God in tears when life is misery....regardless, I will keep turning to God. 

Do I get tired sometimes of hearing "I don't know how you do it." At first I felt weird. Afterall, I feel like I'm doing what any mom would do. I would also think that there are so many others out there suffering so much more. But now, I embrace the statement. And no I don't get tired of hearing "I don't know how you do it". I've decided this is one way I can share my faith, my trust in and love for God. To share that without Him, then I wouldn't be able to handle any of this. I would be a complete mess. It is God's love for me, his comforting arms, his promise, and his grace that get me through each day and keep me from being a mess. Jesus LOVES me and he won't let me run away....even when I try for just a moment. I'm thankful for that.

Hands

Hands: Some are rough, some soft. Some scarred, some flawless. Some wrinkled, some smooth.

Our hands are used for many things: holding, touching, kneading, lifting, patting, digging, writing, praying.

To me, our hands can tell so many stories.

Even the Bible mentioned hands over and over from God's hand being heavy to being the hand that lifts us up to the hands of healing and the hands laid upon others so that the Holy Spirit may enter them.

Our hands are important.

About 15 years ago, I gained several extra "grandparents." One of those was Mr. Pete. Oh how I loved Mr. Pete. I cried dearly when I heard that he had passed away. Mr. Pete was such a strong, gentle, handsome loving man. What I would give to sit through another choir practice or Christmas Cantata and hear him sing "Sweet Baby Jesus Boy" Oh to hear his story like bass voice tell this story, sing this song. This spiritual. When trying to find this song now, I find so many versions, but none compare to the more spiritual sound of this song. Mr. Pete sang it as a story. In a way that I can't really describe. I wish I had video of him singing it.

There is another song I loved to hear Mr. Pete sing. A song that reminds me of him and I can almost feel him near when I think of it. Ironically, about the same time I learned of Mr. Pete's passing, I also went to visit grave sights in Virginia of my great grandparents. It was chilling when I looked up and saw my own grandparents headstone there among the others. My first thought was, "Did they die and no one told me?" Quickly I realized there were no death dates. As I walked around the stone, I saw hands in prayer and "Precious Lord Take My Hand" This was the song that I LOVED to hear Mr. Pete sing. A song I will never be able to sing and give it the same beauty as Mr. Pete, but a song I love none the less. 

In our times of praise, trouble, weariness, pain...we should lift our hands, let the Lord take us in his hands, and give us the love he has for us. The comfort only he can give. 

Luke 4:40 Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto Him; and He laid His hands on every one of them, and healed them.

1 Timothy 4:14 Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of presbytery.

Sharing my Story Compilation

Below you will find a link to 30 days of sharing my story. Please pray with me that we all continue to learn our story and become confident in sharing our story with others. For the month of October, I will most likely move into sharing scripture and just writing my personal thoughts about it. I would love to hear what verses help you get through each of your days.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: Beginnings

Day 3: Seeds

Day 4: More Seeds

Day 5: Growing

Day 6: Growing

Day 7: Growth and Trials

Day 8: Growth and More Trials

Day 9: Hold On, Let Go, Trials and More Trials

Day 10: What's in Store?

Day 11: Obstacles

Day 12: Accepting Christ

Day 13: Music

Day 14: Reaching Out

Day 15: Work in Progress

Day 16: Getting You Ready

Day 17: Learning to Follow

Day 18: Fears

Day 19: Strength

Day 20: We Are Clay

Day 21: Awestruck

Day 22: Plans

Day 23: Keep Making Me

Day 24: War

Day 25: War

Day 26: Knocked Down

Day 27: Growing in Faith

Day 28: Time

Day 29: Victory

Day 30: Leaving My Comfort Zone

Sharing my Story Day 30: Leaving My Comfort Zone

Wow! What started as a challenge for myself started our quite easily, then became hard, then became easy again. And now, here I am at the end of the challenge. A whole month of posts Sharing My Story. Telling others about God's work in my life or about how they can have God in their life too.

Tonight I went to my daily devotionals for inspiration and ironically it was all about the Challenge.

Isaiah 50:7 Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like fling, and I know I will not be put to shame.

Psalm 37: 5-6 Commit your way to the Lord...trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass. And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun ] the noonday.

The devotional says, "Leave your comfort zone and move out into new territory on behalf of God's kingdom. You grow in Christ when you do something for God beyond what you've already mastered. You sense God's presence with you in personal and intimate ways.

When you attempt something difficult for God, you discover God's resources. For instance, if you make a witness speech in church even though that makes you uncomfortable, you discover abilities previously unknown to you. It is not necessary to wait until you think you are ready to do something for God. Do it, and God will make you ready. Nobody would have heard of Saint George if he had slain a dragonfly instead of a dragon.

Dear God, disturb me when I am too pleased with what I do for you. Amen"

What a devotion for today after a few months and especially this past month of stepping so completely out of my comfort zone all for God. Did I think I was ready....yeah right. But I kept putting one foot in front of the other and kept focused on God's work and He gave me everything I needed. When I was tired and had absolutely no idea what to write, he guided my fingers across the keys and let the thoughts flow. When I focused on listening to God throughout the day so I would know what to write that night, He would send me just the right song, story, or person to spark the idea. But I would not have been able to do God's work this past month without leaning on him and holding on to my faith.

So what is it that you keep putting off? What is stopping you from taking that first step? It's time to trust God and take that leap of faith. He will give you what you need, so go ahead. Step out of your comfort zone and do His work.

Although the month is over and I probably won't post everyday, I will continue to share my story and I want you to do the same. As with so many things in life, when God's in it, then it's not over. Telling my story isn't over. It's only the beginning.

Before I go, I ask that you think about your relationship with God. What story will you share with others? Have you accepted God for yourself? If you haven't, maybe that is the step you need to take. It doesn't matter how much baggage you come with or how unworthy or unready you feel. God sent His Son to die for you and to set you free from it all. It's okay if you haven't been to church or have never picked up a Bible. It doesn't say in the Bible that you must have it memorized in order to find salvation. God will take care of the details, you just need to take the step. He's calling you now. He wants to set you free.

Let us pray,

Lord I thank you for laying it on my heart to take on this challenge of telling my story and helping others to tell theirs. It has been so rewarding and although I wasn't sure I was ready for it, I took that step. I had faith that you would lead me every step of the way. I thank you for being there just like you promised. Ultimately I thank you for your Son who died for a sinner like me. Lord, tonight I pray that we all find our voice to share our stories with others. I pray that those who do not know you find their way to you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sharing my Story Day 29: Victory

Music is a large part of my life. I cannot play an instrument....although one day I would love to learn to play piano and guitar.  I sing because I can't just sit and listen to music. But I LOVE music. It gets me through the each and every day. It gets me through each and every season.

While I love listening to a wide variety of music, my new fave is Contemporary Christian. However, I still love my traditional hymns. Songs like Amazing Grace, I'll Fly Away, I Shall Not Be Moved, Lord of the Dance, No Tears in Heaven, When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, This Little Light of Mine, Jesus Loves Me, and on and on and on. I can't really say I have a favorite as I can start singing one then find myself in the middle of another one without knowing how I even got there.

The hymn I am going to focus on though is Victory in Jesus. You see I have found that victory. Jesus won the victory for me. He won it for you too. He is my Savior FOREVER! He paid such a high price all so I could be with Him again one day in Heaven. He has always loved me and he has cleansed me so that I am white as snow.

For this, and this alone, I hold to my faith. Because he paid such a price. It is really quite overwhelming to know that someone loves me and you that much. So much that he seeks you out and bought you with his own blood.

So, tonight, I do not really share a story. I simply leave you to think about the songs that affect your life. What songs speak to you? Which ones do you see yourself in? Which ones can take you back to a particular season and make it feel as if you are right back there in that moment? What songs must you sing to the top of your lungs because of how it makes you feel deep inside?

Let us pray:
Lord, I thank you for music. I thank you for your Son. I thank you for your grace. I thank you for blessings. In Your Son's name I pray. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 28: Time

For everything there is a season, a time. Some seasons may be harder to deal with than others, but we have to go through those rough seasons to get to the better ones. God has appointed all these times and seasons. He is in control!

Ecclesiastes 3
1 There is a time for everything,
       and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2            a time to be born and a time to die,
              a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3            a time to kill and a time to heal,
              a time to tear down and a time to build,
4           a time to weep and a time to laugh,
             a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5           a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
             a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6           a time to search and a time to give up,
             a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7           a time to tear and a time to mend,
             a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8           a time to love and a time to hate,
             a time for war and a time for peace.

Look around you at the world God created. You can see His mighty hand in everything. And everything you see has its own season. Think about it, you don't go to bring in the harvest in spring, because that is not its time. In spring it is time to plant, harvesting will come later.

In the book of Ecclesiastes we learn over and over again, that to seek worldly pleasures and gains, will not bring us ultimate happiness. In fact the only way to find personal meaning and happiness is through God. Temporary pleasures are just that....temporary.

But here's what I am learning to realize, where we are in our relationship with God, in our faith impacts these seasons in our lives greatly. You see, when I simply believed and didn't exactly follow or when I chose to try to hold on to as much control as possible, then those negative times were that much harder.

You see when my faith was just there, but I didn't practice it, when I didn't rely on it, when I didn't use it, then I had a harder time with mourning, with war, with tears, giving up, and hate. But you see, now as my faith is stronger and I rely on it and put it straight to use, my seasons of what use to be the harder times, really aren't that hard. They aren't as hard because God is right here with me.

When I was younger I used to blubber at funerals (even ones where I hardly knew the person). Tears would roll freely down my face and I would go through several tissues and look like a puffy eyed mess after. Now, even at the funerals where I thought I would cry the most and hardest, I didn't. For a moment, I would think I must have grown cold and callous, how could I not cry my eyes out. But then I realized, it has to do with where I am in my walk with God. So while it hurts me and is sad to lose a loved one, I really don't dwell on the mourning side for too long. Instead I am so joyful that my loved one is now free from this earthly world and that they are now celebrating with Jesus.

So why don't you join me in this peace? You can have it too and it makes each season so much easier to live through than if you are trying to go it alone. God wants you to call on him, He wants you to admit your sins, afterall, He didn't send his Son to save just a select few. He sent his Son to die on a cross for all our sins so that we may all come to know God and one day enjoy eternal life with Him.

Let us pray,
Lord, I thank you for each season in my life. The tough ones help to make me stronger and help to make sure I keep close to you in my times of need. The joyful times help me to realize and rejoice over the many blessings you have given. Lord, I know I am far from perfect, but I try every day to become better at following you and being the person you know I can be. In Christ's name I pray. Amen

Sharing my Story Day 27: Growing in Faith

As I listened tonight to my sweet Tori scream her head off for 10 straight minutes while she was in the bath tub. Her skin has started flaring up again and today was not good. It has been a long time since showers and baths have been painful for her, but tonight broke that streak. As her mom it is so hard to make her sit in a bath that you know is beyond painful, yet you know it is a must on the road to healing.

A few hours later I had to listen to Bradley with his own tears....his skin looks horrible again so I made him do a wet wrap and will make him do this for the next several nights. We also started back on the regimen of bleach baths at least once a week that help to keep infection lower.

These times are so draining....physically, mentally, and emotionally. However I cling to my faith.

I also can't help but thing of our Father and our Savior. When our Father sent his son to earth, He had a purpose....a reason. The reason came when Jesus took the nails for each and every one of us, when he was crucified. Even Jesus cried out to His Father, but His Father had to allow him to suffer, to endure a pain unimaginable all so that we could be saved. He had to go through the pain to get to the glory waiting on the other side.

Jesus died and took on our sins so that he may save us and so that we may have eternal life.

It is because of the pain he endured for me, that I am saved. It is also why I hold on to my faith because after the storm, there is going to be a glorious day. Whatever life is throwing your way, the storm will pass. But while you are in the middle of the storm, you can still find comfort. You don't have to go through it alone. God is right there beside you, he wants you to call on him and draw on him. He and only he can give you the comfort and peace you seek.

I know all this, not because it is in the Bible, but also because as I grow stronger in my faith with each new storm, the storm is that much more bearable. I don't carry the burdens alone or by just relying on earthly shoulders; as a matter of fact I don't even carry the burden because God is right there for me. He stills my raging soul when I have to apply painful medicines to my childrens' skin and when I have to wrap them tightly. He gives me the peace to sleep each night so that I may be ready to get through tomorrow. And he gives me the sunny days just at the right moments. And it is all through my faith in Christ Jesus and in God the Father that grows stronger every day that helps me get through.

You can know this peace and comfort too once you find your way back to the Father if you have wandered away. You can also know this peace and comfort once you accept Jesus as your risen Savior, admit that you know he died for your sins because you are a sinner and you want to be forgiven. So open up your heart and let Him in, he's there knocking, open the door.

Let us pray
Lord, I will never quite understand why my kids must endure what they do, but I know that you want me to keep my faith and I will. I will continue to grow stronger in my faith and grow closer to you. Please help me with each step I take. Thank you for never leaving my side. Amen.